LAWYERBOT SPECIAL

Lawyerbot 1337
By Moulinrouge21

Surfing the site, protecting us all,
Lawyerbot prowls, on duty, on call.
Track down the spammers, the unworthy,
Freezing them all with the Neopian fee.

The only known lawyer around this world,
Watching and waiting for drama to unfurl.
His robot disguise could trick anyone,
Working all day and night, his paperwork is fun!

Spying on the boards and any nasty tricks,
Lawyerbot to the rescue, it will all be fixed.
Stating his case for our wonderful pets,
Getting the baddies into terrible debts.

In awe we shall be, forever and grateful,
Keeping us in order, while stating the rules.
His skills own us all, one you can never beat,
For Lawyerbot is champion, 100% 1337.

TNT (The LB #153BA Remix)
By Nocturnal_ned

Do you ever think of taking the icy path,
Down a road of breaking rules so bad?
Well, I'm Lawyerbot and I am here to say,
You'd better not try or you're gonna pay.

I may look square but I am no fool;
I am hardwired to enforce the rules.
I work long hours just to keep us safe.
Good thing I'm a robot, so I don't chafe!

I'm not just a lawyer,
I am a bot of doom.
I will disable you,
TNT staff say BOOM!
When crime is near
Lawyerbot knows,
It's action time,
TNT A Splode!

Forever programmed to make cheaters cry,
They will be frozen, only justice flies.
Briefcase in hand, they won't forget the words,
"Hey, cheater! You just got served!"

Frivolous lawsuits won't scare me,
I will pwn you with my skills so 1337,
Rule-breakers will be kept at bay,
With the power of my Randomly Firing Freeze Ray.

I'm not just a lawyer,
I am a bot of doom,
I will disable you,
TNT staff say BOOM!
When crime is near
Lawyerbot knows,
It's action time,
TNT A Splode!

Oh Lawyerbot, Dear Lawyerbot
By Geneames1

Oh Lawyerbot, dear Lawyerbot,
Pursuant to acknowledgment and/or
Consent to the extent legally permissible,
I wish to tell you I think you're great,
Unless said claims violate
The rights of any third party.

Let me be brief, in case you don't care to know,
If aforementioned disclosure is reasonably necessary
To comply with legal process or to enforce
Terms of use in conjunction
With applicable state law,
I just want to say of you I'm in awe.

Though I'm sure that my statements
Are fundamentally correct,
You have the right to access, update,
And correct factual inaccuracies in
Personally identifiable information,
Which I may collect.

That's all I wanted to say, so
As a parting gift, please take this cookie.
It's the edible kind, not
a unique identifier and/or tracking
Technology used to understand
Site utilisation.

The Legacy of Motherbot
By Mamasimios

When Lawyerbot was very young,
He loved to laugh and play and run,
But every time he left the house,
His Motherbot came running out.

Her voice would carry through the air,
Warning her son to be aware
Of all the dangers that abound
In Neopia, seemingly safe and sound.

"Remember, if you play Yooyuball,
There is a chance you could trip and fall;
Even if you're in the Altador Cup,
Always stop and tie your laces up.

"If you go to Roo Island today as well,
And want to ride the Carousel,
Remember not to get on or off
Until the ride completely stops.

"If you visit Delina the Crafting Faerie,
I want you to be extra wary:
If she asks you for tape or glue, whatever,
Try not to stick your hands together."

With Motherbot's words ringing in his ears,
The Lawyerbot grew into his law career.
Though some say with worry he is cursed
Lawyerbot cheerfully promotes safety first.

Lawyerbot Rules
By Tealnova_dragon

Now while we all know and love
that shiny sleek super Lawyerbot rules,
We have to remember and memorise by heart
(and this may get confusing) his Lawyerbot Rules.

We know he's cool,
we know he's rooting on Brightvale,
But we have to, just have to, remember his Rules.

"Please make sure you have an adult present
to ensure you don't hurt yourself."

It's his most golden rule,
and would you like to make him happy?
Yes? Then follow the Lawyerbot Rules!

Fancy entering the Random Contest?
It's the Robotic Revolution, after all.
But before you grab some bolts,
or some fancy bulbs,
Remember, remember, you have to try your best
for Lawyerbot Appreciation Day because
Lawyerbot RULES!

Legal Disclaimer to Follow...
By Anjie

One evening did it come to pass
That Alstaf was away,
But who would check the poetry
For publishing that day?
Like the hero that he is,
Good Lawyerbot stepped out.
"I'll be the judge of contest fair!"
The legal giant did shout.

He did select collection grand
That poets did create.
Then right before he published it,
He stood and paused. "But wait!"
"I must ensure all legal paths
Are followed to the tee!"
And, my friends, that is just how,
Disclaimer came to be.

These poems remain, in any case,
(This matters, don't you snooze!)
For TNT to utilise,
However they may choose.
Disclaimer item number one,
You must not copy verse.
This fact is valid all around
The Neo-universe.

Item number fifty three:
Disputes you wish to start
Should come with legal contracts signed
(By me, if you are smart!).
Disclaimer just went on and on,
(Airtight, in any court!)
Until the poems within the list,
Compared to this, were short!

Lawyerbot: True Defender of Neopia
By Chimp_chicken_fish

He is your friendly neighbourhood lawyer
with a memory capacity greater than Sloth's.
He works harder than any Kreludan miner
and has coffee breaks with his boss.

Lawyerbot with his ultimate knowledge,
is smarter than the average Bearog,
he knows all the site rules off by heart
and doesn't even need college!

He may be a robot in a suit,
but he knows how to have fun.
Better than the Games Master,
we all know his Daily Dare song;

"01010010
01101111
01100010
011011110
111010000
100000001
111100010
00000100
10000111
01010110
1101011000
0101101110"

A Neopian calls his name in distress,
someone has broken the rules!
Grab your briefcase, Lawyerbot Man,
you know you can stop that fool!

Banned -- hooray! You saved the day,
Lawyerbot, you can go home now.
Put your feet up and enjoy your rest,
because there is more work tomorrow.

Happy Lawyerbot Day, you deserve a treat!
The whole of Neopia celebrates your name,
because you're the best lawyer in Neopia,
and you're a true hero to us today.

Lawyerbot Woes
By Agedbeauty

Oh Lawyerbot, it's true,
You always make me sad.
In Daily Dare 2010,
I knew how well you'd do!

I voted Lawyerbot!
But you lost to Kid Hawk,
And even Desparrow.
You settled in last spot.

For the AC that year,
You started off real well,
You sure owned Comastar,
And Pie gave you no fear.

But with Sr. Malo,
Well, I was disappoint.
Could you beat Twitterpate?
I guess we'll know.

So finally I knew,
This time I would be smart.
In this year's Daily Dare,
I voted against you.

Alas, to no avail.
You thwarted me again.
Lawyerbot, the sad part --
You were my only fail.

Behind the Bot
By 00baies_love00

I sit in my corner, surrounded by
paperwork; piles and piles of it rise
in threatening, yellowing columns
-- copyright, intellectual property, they
scream at me. But I know that they will
back off and leave me be, or at least it will
seem that way when I start to ignore the
building cases. My colleagues, when
they walk past sigh and twitter, 'Oh poor
boy, look at all that work!' they say, thinking
that I am breaking a sweat trying to play
my part in this community, in this office.
They are right; every night I sit here
working furiously, brows furrowed and head
buried, hidden somewhere behind my prison
of folders and paper. Even through the night,
my hands are like racing Poogles across
the keyboard as I tap, tap, tap, trying to
perfect my gaming technique.
That's right, the shame of the year before,
I just could not stand it! How I, the most
respected and revered Lawyerbot, could
be defeated in such a way is beyond belief.
And now I prepare myself for next year,
to retain my gaming crown. This year was too
sweet; you all thought me the underdog --
'He'll never win!' I heard you say, but when
the results came on Wednesday night,
finally I had my moment, and finally
I could stand up and say to the world:
'Who the man now, Dirigibles?'

Robots = 1337
By 7splat52

His metal limbs squeak,
Desperate for oil, and the
Cogs begin to grind, and his
Artificial voice is in the air.

"Hello!" he exclaims in an
Eerie monotone, oblivious
To the astonished gaping of the team.
Snarkie drops her liquorice.
Dragona pulls away from her sock.

Who -- WHAT -- is this? Everyone
Wonders through quizzical looks.
They down the sight of him quickly:
His gleaming metal limbs, his
Synthetic grin, the brown briefcase
Clutched in his hand as it proclaims
His status of "1337 Lawyer."

He then expounds upon the excellence
Of Usukis and how they will ultimately
Help TNT stray away from any potential
Lawsuits. An outsider, he may be.
Unexpected. Foreign.

But maybe there is some warmth behind
That smile, and perhaps his infatuation
With Usukis is endearing. An outsider,
He may be. Unexpected. Foreign.

But a newcomer can't stay foreign for long,
Can they? Maybe he's all right. An outsider,
He may be. Unexpected. Foreign.

But who knows?
This new arrival could be a blessing.

(Biased) Questions
By Alagfalaswen

Whose body is made (at least partly) of steel?
Who eats plates of pi for his every meal?
Who knows how to strike just the right kind of deal?
No one but Lawyerbot.

Who talks primarily in binary code?
Who has the most 1337 gaming mode?
Who apparently installed a poetry node?
01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 Lawyerbot.

Who brings spotted bowties right back into style?
Whose fanmail, if laid out, might stretch a mile?
Whose circuitry wins just being in a pile?
Must be Lawyerbot.

Who constantly outplays and outlasts the rest?
Whose Usuki collection puts ours to the test?
Who do most of us regard as the best?
Only Lawyerbot!

Nightmares of a Legal Robot
By Beagums

Every night, in dreams I see them
Scattered clear across my floor.
An arm or two around my bed,
A head beside my door.

Shoes smudged and broken all around,
Heels tossed like kettle corn.
Their dresses hung from ceiling high,
Stained and ripped and torn.

Hair is matted, brushes smashed,
Waves of tangled mess.
Some are left with hair plucked out;
A fate no bot could guess.

And then the morning comes anew,
I wake covered in sweat.
To check Usukis one by one,
A nightmare I shan't forget.

Who would do these horrid things,
To Usukis sweet and pure?
Should dreamlike spectre show himself
I'd sue him, that's for sure!

Lawyerbot: The Quiet Underdog
By Filter

Lawyerbot, the quiet underdog,
Sneaking in during Daily Dare,
Destroying in Wingoball,
Catching us all unaware.

A solo bot, alone with your papers,
Penning the rules, conditions and terms.
We thought you were just a mindless bot,
Trapped as a sad little bookworm.

Your name popped up on our tournament list,
We laughed and voted against your team.
It wasn't Imperial Exam, which you could ace,
But a ball-tossing game, not your regime.

We waited for the scores, we all were sure,
That you couldn't pull it off.
But jaws dropped and voices were heard,
Star & Order won the playoff!

You keep us in line,
Making sure we know the rules,
Though secretly you were practising,
Making us all feel like fools.

So Lawyerbot, show us your skills,
It's the least you could do!
Did you really rock out that score,
Or did Comastar carry you?

A Day in the Life of Lawyerbot
By Raccoon353

Start up near completion...
Loading attorney software...
Power cells full...
I turn on.

Unplugging myself from the wall,
I place on my bowtie,
Wish my Usuki Dolls farewell,
And am off.

I reach the Neopets office.
Place myself into my cubicle.
Scan my paperwork...
Targets acquired.

23 cases of scamming.
5 copyright infringements.
Frivolous lawsuits distributed.
I am done.

On the way out of the office,
I see Dirigibles at his desk.
I compute jokes regarding his
Wingoball skills.

I reach my residence,
Lay down my briefcase,
Pick up my Prom Queen Usuki...
Commence fun!

I take my usual place
Near the outlet at the wall.
Running shutdown scripts...
Goodnight.

Self-Praise of the Lawyerbot
By Mayfloziarea

Working at the computer
24 hours a day
To block spammers from hacking in
And keep those Meepits at bay.
Out of all the other bots,
I am the most treasured one --
As I help keep things running smooth,
Until the day is done.
What will they do without me?
Will TNT collapse and fall?
If I ever do fail to work,
Would TNT stall?
I'd like to think they would (of course),
I'm the indispensable Lawyerbot.
Spammers, hackers are all locked out,
And the 'pure' ones are not.

Now, I still continue to function,
Though I hear there's a dedication for me.
Ha! They do recognise my hard work!
So. What's in store for me?
Would I get a day off
To relax and be carefree?
Would I have a poetry session
Especially for me?
I do deserve a nice long break,
I've been working oh so hard.
Those Meepits are tough, you know,
And spammers -- don't even let me start.
I may deal harshly with things,
But this is what I'm programmed to do.
No one can escape my eye:
So behave well or I'll come for you...

To Lawyerbot
By Magicalcameron and Charm373

It should be said,
for it is so very strange,
That there is a robotic Neopian
Whose poem now I will engage.

Numbers doth he tabulate
and calculate with ease,
So that nothing gets beyond the gate
and no one is displeased.

Signing papers
with his favourite pen in hand,
his pad of paper at the ready,
Some think his work is bland.

Laws he does establish,
Plan, enforce, and devise.
He saves orphaned computer chips,
Or so his guild name does imply.

His skills unmatched,
His Wingoball competitors he had dispatched!
But solemn cries he did invoke,
Dirigibles fans remain heartbroke.

Robotic things does he crave,
In fact it is well known --
or at least he rants and raves --
Of the many metal Petpets he does own.

For Brightvale
He cheers, plays, and shouts.
Of this there is no doubt
(Though wins he remains without).

There's only one thing he loves more:
However small they may be,
Though not said before
Usukis bring him glee!

Usuki dolls with all their sets,
A pearl-faceted dress!
And poems on
(when so inclined)
their obvious finesse.
And so concludes our summary
And all that was described,
Though still remains a mystery
What does his briefcase hide?

Lawyerbot Changed
By Saqo

Beepity boop bip bip boop -- oh, sorry.
I was just warming up. I can speak quite fine.
So you might feel annoyed, little Neopians,
when you see my warnings around the site.

But it's for your own good, little children,
so you don't hurt yourselves (and sue).
No one really likes me; I'm a lawyer after all.
But I proved myself in this year's Daily Dare!

Oh, no one did think that I could play
and have fun like all the other normal robots.
I was a Lawyerbot, so of course I had to be
analytical, suspicious, and a little boring.

Oh, but working with Comastar, we surely did
come out on top! We beat that silly Wingoball,
and I didn't make any warnings through it all.
Perhaps even I can overcome my lawyer ways?

In closing, I hope you Neopians also feel that
I have changed. Indeed I've loosened up a bit
and changed a few of my ways. In closing I say:
01010010011010110001
(= Neopia Loves Lawyerbot).

Frivolous Lawsuit
By Jjquil

The Usukiland shop was quiet that day
When the front door swung open wide;
The owner glanced up to see her customers
Swoop in with a businesslike stride.

A pair of Usuki Usuls, both male --
One with designer briefcase in hand.
Their cherubic faces were serious, stern;
New merchandise was their demand.

The two Usuls began their search;
They scoured all the shelves.
"Equestrian, Brightvale, Little Witch..."
"Oh, he's got three Woodland Elves!"

The shopkeeper watched in amusement
As the two pawed their way through the store.
Their blue eyes missed nary a detail
As they sifted through figurines galore.

"What if we buy him the Dream Car?"
"No, I'm sure he's got that one too..."
Their fluffy tails twitched in annoyance.
They wanted to find something new.

The kindly shopkeeper decided to speak:
"Who exactly are you shopping for?"
With a pout, the pair turned and muttered,
"Our master, Lawyerbot, loves this store."

The Blumaroo smiled, she loved to help out,
And told the pair, "I've got just the set!"
With her needle and thread, she stitched at once,
'Til the Usuls were no longer upset.

The doll she created had a shiny foil hat
And a costume, robotic and steel.
"A Lawyerbot Usuki, one of a kind!"
She announced with exuberant zeal.

The Usul boys began to chuckle.
"Why, it's perfect, he'll love this for sure!"
"He can sue for copyright infringement --"
"-And other infractions, more obscure!"

The Blumaroo blanched. "W-wait, don't say that!"
But the Usuls were quick to depart.
They had found for the master the ultimate gift:
A lawsuit, to warm his metallic heart.

ERROR: Poem Removal
By Concertogreat_8

ERROR: Unfortunately, due
to legal issues involving style
and formatting, this poem has
been removed. For further help
and information, please see
our listed Terms & Conditions.
To avoid this message in your
own creative endeavours, be sure
to follow poem-writing protocol.
Thank you, have a nice day.
- Lawyerbot