Dawn was just beginning to break into the gray pre-dawn
sky as I disappeared into the entrance to the underground cavern of the
Dark Faeries. I'd brought my case of magic supplies, just in case, but
I didn't need to call them at all. Both Kittara and Sirrya were there
waiting for me, still chuckling to themselves and running their hands
up their arms, enjoying things to the fullest. They told me the story
they'd gotten out of Ryuko. It was remarkably detailed and coherent, and
I suspected that they had done a lot of editing to make it that way. The
original version was probably a lot more fragmented, and punctuated with
sounds I was glad I'd missed. They managed to answer the last few questions
I'd had, and that was the important part. The case was a tidy little package,
now, and if the hands that had put it together weren't all lily-white,
then that was just too bad.
After fulfilling the first part of our bargain, more
haggling ensued. I asked for a couple of objects, and we argued over whether
it counted as one of my other favours, or two. I argued for one, naturally,
and managed to win the argument. They agreed, though grudgingly. Even
so, I suspected the reason was because of their desire to get back to
their private little party- they didn't want to ruin it with a lot of
wasted time arguing. That suited me just fine.
I was at my office by nine, with my bill all drawn up
and ready, along with all of my findings. I wasn't sure how I was going
to present this- it'd be hard. Dot showed up late, which didn't help my
mood any. She still showed the after-effects of the previous night's work.
(Work for me, anyway- nightmare for her, I was sure.)
"Good morning, Miss Argent, have a seat." She nodded
and sank into it wordlessly, staring at me with a blank, rather hollow,
expression.
"Did you find him?"
I sighed. "Yes, I did."
A spark of interest stirred. "Where? Where is he?"
I shook my head regretfully. "Before I answer that, I
need to tell you where he isn't." Dot just sat there, looking confused,
so I continued my story. "I visited the Rainbow Pool yesterday, looking
for clues to where Schnitzel might be. They told me flat out that they
hadn't done any starry Blumaroos. They don't have a starry brush that
will work on a Blumaroo."
Dot blinked, and then frowned in distaste. "Why bring
that up?"
My temper began to fray. "Because I hunted over half
of Neopia, passing out pictures of a starry Blumaroo when there is no
such thing! Because everywhere I went, everyone told me they'd never even
seen a starry Blumaroo and it took Jack at the pool to tell me what I
should have known all the time! Those pictures you gave me were fakes!
But that didn't stop you from posting them over the half of Neopia I hadn't
covered, did it."
Dot was finally beginning to show a strong emotion. Too
bad it was anger, though she was still behind the curve on that where
I was concerned. "That's an insult, sir! I gave you those pictures in
good faith, not to hear you call them trash! My Schnitzel has gone missing,
and you even saw his bedroom for yourself!"
"Don't give me that," I retorted. "After I talked to
Jack, I went to the pound and talked with Zaboosun."
Dot's mouth twisted in disgust. "That failure? You shouldn't
have even bothered with him."
"Considering that it was his room you showed me, I'd
think I should! And a lot sooner than I did, too. He told me the whole
story- how you and he wanted him to be a starry Blumaroo, and how after
you got Korrell that night you came into his room...."
Dot stood up and glared down at me. "This is worse than
insulting! You're digging in things that don't even concern Schnitzel,
and trying to make me out to be some sort of monster, you, you.... Faerie-lover!"
It was a pretty lame insult, but I had to give her credit
for trying. "Sit back down and can the insults. I'm telling you where
Schnitzel isn't. He doesn't exist in Neopia- the only place he lives in
is your head! You sent me on a wild chase over half the known world simply
because you're so fixated on something you can't have that it's become
more real than reality to you. Then you hire a down on his luck petty
thief to Neomail that threat. No wonder you weren't interested in the
rendezvous- you were probably more surprised than I was when he showed
up. Too bad for you he got the bright idea of playing Dark Faerie and
then double-crossing you by trying to get the money."
Dot's mouth opened and shut, but no sound came out. She
looked like a beached fish. She flopped back down in her chair, but managed
to summon up a shred of defiance. "Is this where you threaten to turn
me over to the law?"
I shook my head. "What would you be charged with? It's
no crime to want a pet painted a color that doesn't exist. Pursuing it
like you have wouldn't put you in a cell unless it had padding. Hiring
me for a fake case isn't a crime, since I'm not a policeman. There's no
false reports for PIs. Hiring a petty thief to send you a threatening
letter isn't a crime. He might be accused of some sort of extortion, since
he double-crossed you- but he's gone to a justice far more painful and
final than anything the regular authorities could give. Even putting your
pet in the pound simply because your psychotic imagination saw him as
a failure isn't a crime." Although it should be, I added to myself. "No,
all I'm going to do is charge you for my services and then let you worry
about your own affairs."
Dot nodded dully. "How much to shut you up?"
I shook my head and replied in mock regret, "you underestimate
me. This is simply a fee for services rendered. Let's see. You paid me
the initial 500 Neopoints down. That leaves my time at 150 Neopoints per
hour. I put in a total of nineteen hours, which makes 2850 for that. Then
there were expenses. Traveling expenses amount to 250 points. Special
materials amount to another 2000. Brings the unpaid total to 5100 Neopoints"
"FIFTY ONE HUNDRED NEOPOINTS!" Dot shrieked. "Five grand
for you to sit there and tell me I'm crazy? It's not me that's crazy,
mister, it's you! If you think I'm going to part with that much money
for you to sit there and call me names, then you're out of your tree!"
"It's a good thing you didn't tell me you don't have
the money," I said calmly. "Of course, since I gave Korrell that hundred
grand last night, maybe you don't now?" Dot grabbed reflexively for her
purse. "Ah, but you do, in your purse. No doubt you were going to deposit
it. Well, you still can, minus my fees."
"Never!" Dot snarled.
"You know, I'm surprised you didn't question why I needed
two thousand for materials. But, before you ask, let me show you." I reached
under my desk and brought out the two flasks that I'd gotten from Kittara
earlier in the morning. "You recognize these, surely?"
Dot blinked. "Aren't those Faerie bottles?"
"Very perceptive. That's exactly what they are. Here,
look into this one" I passed her the first one and she peered inside with
a frown. Then she gasped.
"That can't be!"
"Oh, but I assure you, it is."
"But you can only trap Faeries in these things! They're
the only beings that can be squeezed in here!"
I sighed. "Dot, Dot, Dot. These things are magic, remember?
Anything can be trapped in them. Including NeoPets." I motioned towards
the bottle which held the small figure of Ryuko, strapped to a table.
He was screaming as an ultra-tiny spot of blood appeared on his chest.
Dot shuddered and then flung the bottle on the floor, apparently intending
to break it. There was a dull thump and it rolled away from her. I got
up and calmly retrieved it as she stared at it in horror.
"A little more magic- it's unbreakable by ordinary means.
The only reason the bottles you know are breakable is because they're
supposed to be. A simple modification."
Dot stared at me. "You're revolting," she whispered.
"To trap and torture someone that way is... is... inhuman!"
"Ah, but I'm not human. And before you get too high on
your moral white horse, just remember there is a booming business in trapping...
except the targets are Faeries, and not NeoPets- or humans. Tell me, is
that inhuman, too? Or are they commodities? Maybe it's a game to trap
someone that way? Force them to bless you in order to win their freedom?
Hmm? Hmmmm?"
Her expression changed to one of wounded innocence and
she sat back rather sulkily. "Quit being silly. That's different."
"Ah. Of course, I'd forgotten that. Well, speaking of
different, the other little piece of material in my bill is this bottle.
As you can see, it's the same type of bottle as the other. There's only
one difference." I held it up and spun it slowly in front of her eyes,
before continuing with an edge in my voice. "This one is empty. For now."
"Wh-wh-what's that mean?" The alarmed expression on her
face showed her she had a good idea already.
"Why, very simple. If you refuse to pay me, I simply
pop the top, point the bottle at you, and poof! I have a nice shelf display
to show other customers who would want to skip paying their bill. You'd
be a good model of what not to do."
Dot backed away so violently that she tilted her chair
over and tumbled into the floor. I simply sat there motionless as she
scrambled to her hands and knees and looked up at me with a hunted (or
would that be haunted?) look. "OK, OK, OK! I'll pay!" She grabbed hastily
at her purse, hurriedly counted out five thousand points, and threw them
at me. "There!"
I counted them slowly and deliberately. "Nice. But I'm
still short a hundred points." I stroked the stopper of the empty bottle
suggestively. Dot didn't even say a word this time, she just flung the
rest of the money at me, and climbed to her feet. As she turned to go,
I asked her, "What, don't you want these bottles? You did pay for them,
after all."
She shuddered. "Keep them. I'm sure you know what to
do with them." Now that she felt a bit safer, the sarcasm was leaking
back into her tone. I chose to ignore it, since I'd gotten what I wanted
anyway.
"Thank you. But surely you'll want this bill. Here, it's
even marked paid in full."
Without a word, Dot grabbed the bill out of my hand and
disappeared into the beautiful sunny morning outside. I sighed and stretched,
letting the tension leak out. I chuckled as I looked back down to the
two crying bottles the Faeries had given me. One of them had been tuned
to our petty thief friend, and the other left not tuned for my use...
although I figured I'd be able to use both with a bit of research. Faeries
just don't deal in those magical bottles- even the Dark ones regarded
these crying glasses in that shape as a sort of obscene joke. There'd
never been a chance of trapping Dot, of course, not that she was going
to know that from me. Still, the look in her eyes when she thought that
the old game of trap the Faerie might be turned on her was enough. I never
did have much sympathy for owners who abandoned their pets. I hoped Zaboosun
would get a good owner now.
The glasses clinked as I put them up. Who knows, I
thought, maybe Jack will even come out with an actual starry paintbrush
for Blumaroos. Zaboosun would be thrilled. That'd be one good thing
to come out of the whole mess. And it might be possible--I'd left him
with that picture in his hand and a speculative look in his eye.
I sighed and looked down at my mail. Stomachs don't quit
needing food, manes don't quit needing grooming, and I couldn't afford
to quit earning Neopoints just because I was tired already today. I looked
over my mail thoughtfully, ready to take just about any case that didn't
involve Blumaroos. The Quiggle toy goggled up at me from the corner of
my desk as it caught my eye. I didn't even think twice. I grabbed it by
the throat, tossed it into another drawer, slammed it shut, and added
to myself, and no cases involving Quiggles, either!
The End | 
