| GALLERY OF EVIL MEETING - Tekkitu the Witch Doctor is the current foe of the Defenders
of Neopia. If you are not familiar with the Defenders of Neopia, they are a bunch
of spandex-wearing super heroes who protect Neopia against evil by sending out
ordinary citizens to do their job. They get people to do this by giving them a
trophy if they succeed. Since I will shamelessly do anything for a trophy, I must
have been the first person in line to volunteer my Lupe to get pounded into a
pile of sludge.
Anyway, Tekkitu the Witch Doctor is now the seventh vile villain to make it
to the Defenders of Neopia's "Most Wanted" list. After two tries and some serious
coaching from a guy with the odd name of Noremac9, I finally managed to get
my Lupe out of the Battledome without a black eye and a shredded shoulder. This
is a good thing because not only did I finally get that gold lizard trophy,
but now I don't get nasty glares from the Water Faerie for taking him to the
Healing Springs every hour.
Since I am now into the third paragraph of this article, I guess I should
come to the point. The ordeal of beating this stick-carrying Techo made me think
about all of the guys who have been labeled an "Enemy of Neopia" by the Defenders
of Neopia. They aren't in jail or anything. They are still wandering around
making nuisances of themselves. I was actually curious to know their side of
this whole thing. So I got this great idea of inviting them all together at
the same time to chat about it. It was easier to do than I thought. I simply
put "Gallery of Evil Awards Banquet" on the invitations and they all showed
up for free food.
When they all arrived at my NeoHome in Tyrannia, I ushered them into the living
room and had them sit down. For some strange reason, my Lupe stood blocking
the front door with his Iron Lupe Sword in his paw the whole time. Lucky for
me, my guests seemed to think he was just my minion and ignored his snarling.
Here is how the interview went:
Stoneman3x : Are we all here? Where's the Ghost Lupe?
Tekkitu : He'll be floating in any minute now. He's paying a visit
to some of his old haunts.
Cave Chia : Ugga ugg ugg huh?
Stoneman3x : Huh?
Brain Tree : Exactly my sentiments.
Stoneman3x : Huh?
Garoo : That's an excellent question.
Stoneman3x : Huh?
Garoo : Yes.
Stoneman3x : Huh?
Garoo : Yes, huh is an excellent question.
Brain Tree : The Cave Chia wants to know why the grand Gallery of Evil
Awards Banquet is being held in this buzz-biten shack.
My Lupe : Grrrr...
Stoneman3x : Ummm... the banquet comes later... this is... the... ummm...
pre-awards press conference!
Brain Tree : Yeah, riiiigggghhhhtttt... and do I look as dumb as stump
to you?
Luckily for me, at this moment the Ghost Lupe showed up. I knew this because
my Lupe stopped baring his teeth and got a weird, adoring look in his eyes.
A moment later, the feral phantom breezed through the living room wall and parked
himself next to my advent calendar fireplace.
Ghost Lupe : Sorry I'm late. I was the polter-guest speaker at the
Ghost-writers Seminar today. Mrs. Prenderghast had me speak after Eliv Thade,
so I didn't stand a ghost of a chance of getting out of there on time. Thade
is so long-winded, it's spooky.
Stoneman3x : Does he always talk in metaphysical metaphors?
Tekkitu : Only when the spirit moves him.
Suddenly my Lupe lunged forward and backed the Pant Devil into a corner with
the tip of his Iron Lupe Sword.
My Lupe : Grrrr... empty out your pockets you thief!
Pant Devil :Okay, okay! Can't you take a joke?
The Pant Devil then proceeded to empty out his pockets. A Black Osiris Urn,
Stone Box, Swirly Sand Sculpture, Wock Til You Drop Mug and a Cloud Lupe Plushie
dropped on the floor. I glanced up at the mantelpiece of my fireplace. It was
completely empty. My Lupe poked the Pant Devil one more time with the tip of
his Iron Lupe Sword.
Pant Devil : Geez, you don't hafta be so touchy! Old habits die hard,
ya know!
This time a pair of Lucky Green Boots dropped out of his pocket. I stared
down at my feet in alarm. They were bare.
Stoneman3x : Whoa! That's a good trick!
Garoo : This isn't really the Gallery of Evil Awards Banquet press
conference, is it?
Stoneman3x : Well... no... it isn't. I wanted to interview all of you
about the Defenders of Neopia, but I didn't think I could get all of you here
any other way.
Meuka : That's a very sneaky thing to do.
Tekkitu : Yeah, I like this guy already.
Stoneman3x : So can I ask all of you a few questions?
Cave Chia : Ugga ugg ugg ugha ugg uggah ugga ugg ugg ughaha-ugg okay.
Brain Tree : He said yes.
Stoneman3x : Great! The first question I have is, how do you feel about
being on the Defenders of Neopia's "Most Wanted" list?
Garoo : Personally, I don't think it's fair at all. Master Vex locks
up the Yellow Knight in prison for months and everyone treats him like a hero.
I arrest Captain K for reckless spaceship driving, and I'm treated like an pile
of dung.
Stoneman3x : Really? He was driving a spaceship recklessly?
Garoo : No, but that's the story I'm sticking to anyway.
Stoneman3x : You had ME convinced for a second there.
Garoo : Excellent! I won't change a word of it then.
Meuka : I think Judge Hog is a real slimeball.
Brain Tree : No, you're a real slimeball. Judge Hog is a real pig.
Meuka : And you're too wooden. Lighten up!
Cave Chia : Uggah ugg.
Stoneman3x : What did he say?
Brain Tree : He said he is happy to be on the Defenders of Neopia's
list because it's nice to be wanted. No one would even have noticed him if Judge
Hog and the others hadn't made such a big fuss about him. He likes being famous.
Stoneman3x : You got that out of a couple of uggs?
Brain Tree : Well, I had to paraphrase a little. He went into a bit
about his vacation to Terror Mountain and being given the VIP treatment at the
Ski Lodge. But I didn't think you wanted to hear all of that too.
Ghost Lupe : I sure don't belong in this group. You're all evil. I
was framed! A stupid Chia and his Tigermouse move into MY house and get ME kicked
out!
My Lupe : Sorry about that, brother. I never wanted to fight you, you
know. You've always been really nice about restoring me to full hit points.
I just wanted the trophy.
Ghost Lupe : I understand completely. No hard feelings.
My Lupe : Cool! Can I have your autograph?
Ghost Lupe : Sure! When heck freezes over you Chia-loving traitor.
My Lupe : Okay, as long as there are no hard feelings.
I thought this might be a good time to ask another question.
Stoneman3x : So, do you guys think it's time a girl made it to the
Defenders of Neopia's "Most Wanted" list?
Brain Tree : We were just talking about this in the guild the other
day.
Stoneman3x : What guild?
Garoo : Infamous Neopians: A Necessary Evil guild. We call it
INANE for short.
Stoneman3x : It's very appropriate.
Meuka : Catchy, huh?
Stoneman3x : Who thought of it?
They all turned and pointed at my Lupe. He broke out into an sinister grin.
Stoneman3x : Okayyyy... moving right along... why do you think evil
is necessary?
Tekkitu : Without us, there would be no Defenders of Neopia, would
there?
Meuka : Without us, the spandex factory would have to shut down. Think
of all the Neopets who would have to go on unemployment.
Stoneman3x : Good point.
Brain Tree : I actually perform a great service for Neopia. I reward
people for completing my quests. Do I get any credit for that? No! I am labeled
a bad guy. Where is the justice in that?
Pant Devil : If I didn't take from the rich and give to the poor, the
Money Tree wouldn't exist. Why does everyone hate me?
Tekkitu : I'm a DOCTOR. I help all the inhabitants of Mystery Island.
I am respected there, but everywhere else in Neopia I am considered vermin.
It's not fair!
Meuka : What about me? I perform a great service too! I trade yucky
food for yummy snot food and give people diseases!
Garoo : Meuka, you're not only completely worthless, you're an idiot
too.
Stoneman3x : Gee, I guess generally speaking, all of you are pretty
important to Neopia.
Cave Chia : Ugga ugg.
Stoneman3x : What did he say?
Brain Tree : Ugga ugg.
Stoneman3x : Ah... okay... I have one final question. It's for the
Pant Devil.
Pant Devil : Yes?
Stoneman3x : What did you do with my fireplace?
Disclaimer Thingy: The views expressed in this article are those of the
participants and not those of the interviewer. And my Lupe is now grounded until
heck freezes over.
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