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Blimey! Welcome to the first in a series of short stories about the wild
bunch of PetPet conservationists known as the Krawk Krew! Their leader is none
other than Stevo_Furwin, that famous PetPet conservationist. Along with his
wife, Keri_Furwin, and his best mate Les_Scruples, this enterprising young Wocky
will take you places no sane pet has gone before! This week's episode begins
with the Krawk_Kam_Krew taping Stevo on that fantastic vacation spot, the Mystery
Isle!
"CRIKEY! IS THIS thing on?" Stevo Furwin said, tapping the camera with his
paw.
"We're rolling, chief!" shouted the enthusiastic
young Quiggle behind the camera. Quivel the Quiggle was very excited to be working
on the Krawk Kam Krew - despite the fact that the last cameraman had met with
an unfortunate fate while on location in Tyrannia. He carefully positioned the
camera on Stevo, who was standing in front of a grass hut. Keri the Acara, Stevo's
wife, hurried into position on his right hand side, while Les the Kyrii got
on the other.
"Hello, mates - and welcome to the first ever
episode of our new series, the Krawk Files! I'm Stevo Furwin, Neopia 's famous
PetPet conservationist! This is my beautiful wife, Keri! Isn't she gorgeous?
And let's not forget about my best mate, Les!" Stevo flashed a big grin for
the camera, and all three waved cheerily.
"Today," said Keri, "Stevo's on the Mystery
Island to hunt down the elusive Mystery Island Blue."
"That's right Keri- the Mystery Island Blue
is a very fierce species of Cobrall!" Les chimed in, "If Stevo's not careful,
it could bite his tail clean off!"
"Woo-whee, that would be wild!" Stevo said enthusiastically.
"Before we start our hunt, however, we're here at the hut of the famous Island
Mystic for a bit of hunting advice! Let's go have a look-see."
Stevo, Keri, and Les headed into the hut, followed
closely by Quivel, who was still taping merrily. The Island Mystic was busy
threading a new bone into his blonde hair, but he looked up at the incoming
pets anyhow, striking a particularly mystical pose for the camera. "Hmmmm, welcome
you are, Stevo Furwin!"
"Blimey! What an outrageous accent!" Stevo exclaimed.
"Island Mystic, we're here to hunt that extremely dangerous native species -
the Mystery Island Blue! Do you have any advice for us before we undertake our
perilous journey?"
The Island Mystic pondered a long moment, scratching
his hair around the bone thoughtfully. Quivel did a nice close-up shot of the
Mystic as he spoke his prophecy. "You will have demonic luck in Ice Caves,"
he said, then sat back onto a bamboo chair. "That's it?" Keri growled, making
the extremely scary Acara face.
"Blimey! Talk about demonic!" Stevo said, "I
think the missus is a bit riled!"
Les recoiled in horror. Usually that face meant
bad things for him.
"Tomorrow return for your fortune anew," said
the Mystic, unfazed, as he waved from the chair. Quivel followed the Krew as
they left the hut, careful not to focus on Keri too long, lest the camera break.
"Maybe we should make the Ice Caves our next
location!" Stevo exclaimed.
"Remember the last time you followed mystical
advice," warned Les. "You thought your Neo Crunch Cereal was telling you the
secret location of the Treasure of the Black Pawkeet."
"I don't quite recall that, mate…" Stevo said,
a bit embarrassed.
"We wasted thousands of NP looking for that
treasure on Krawk Island, and then that Krawk bit you right on the bum and we
had to take you to the NeoHospital," Keri reminded, helpfully.
"Right. I remember now," Stevo grumbled. "Can
we get back on topic? The Mystery Island Blue is one of the most elusive and
dangerous species to be found here! They're absolutely gorgeous, and easily
riled! Unlike the common Cobrall, these are known for their foul tempers and
toxic venom! Now, most Island PetPets can be found swimming peacefully in the
Rock Pool, but the Mystery Island Blue is a land dweller that likes to get into
cracks and crevices, and spring right out at unsuspecting victims. That's why
we're going to give Les here a great big stick, and let him poke around for
some!"
"Gee, thanks, Stevo," Les said, running a paw
through his blonde mane of fur nervously before grabbing the stick in his other
paw. "Um… here Cobrall… Cobrall… don't bite Les now…" Les started poking the
stick around the rocky shore of the island as they walked. Quivel carefully
stepped far away from Les and used the zoom wisely.
"Psst… Stevo…" Keri muttered. "It's time for
the commercial."
"Oh, right! Hold on there, Les! Today's show
is brought to you by Shidi - that gorgeous High Priestess of The Neopian Times!
Whether writing articles, telling tales, or spinning series, Shidi's the sheila
for you! Woo-whee!" Stevo held up a large cardboard cut-out of a smiling winged
angel. "So when you think Neopian Times, think Shidi! Readers prefer her over
the average Neopian Times article three to one! If you need an article, written
nice and tidy, just close your eyes and think of Shidi!"
"Who writes these commercials?" Keri grumbled.
"Hey, it pays the bills," Stevo said. "And now,
back to our story!"
Les started poking around the crevices of a
large rock. A loud "Hissssss" punctuated one of the pokes, and the Kyrii quickly
jumped out of the way of a rather cranky looking Blue Cobrall that slithered
out of the crack.
"Blimey! Isn't she a beaut? This is what I'm
talking about, mates- PetPets in their wild habitats. PetPet conservation is
the essence of Neopia!" Stevo whispered, careful not to disturb the emerging
Mystery Island Blue.
"I thought Child Dragon was the essence of Neopia,
Stevo," Keri said, bewildered.
"No way, that's just an incredibly long bit
of folklore, sweetheart! PetPet conservation is for real! Now, watch while I
try and pick this incredibly dangerous Cobrall up by the tail, so we can tell
if she's a little girl or a little boy…." Stevo leaned down to grab the hissing
Cobrall by its long tail, while Keri and Les winced. This part usually didn't
go very well. Quivel closed in with the camera to get a good shot.
"Blimey! This Cobrall's pretty riled!" Stevo
lifted it up by the tail as the snake-like creature writhed and hissed, trying
to angle around to bite the offensive grabbing paw. "Isn't it gorgeous? I bet
it'd love to have a nice go at Stevo…"
"Just like half of Neopia, especially the bill
collectors…" Keri muttered.
"What was that?" Stevo turned to look at Keri,
becoming distracted from the task at hand. The Cobrall took advantage of that
moment of distraction and sunk its fangs right into Stevo's furry paw. "Crikey!
It bit me!" He dropped the Cobrall and shook his paw out. The Mystery Island
Blue, out for a bit more vengeance for being disturbed, headed straight for
poor Quivel.
"Agh!" shouted Quivel, backing up quickly. "PetPet
conservation stinks!"
"Now now, he was just defending his…" Stevo
gasped for breath a moment, as the Cobrall bite was starting to affect him,
"Territory."
Keri motioned the camera over to her, as the
Mystery Island Blue slithered back towards its rock, and out of sight. Quivel,
shaking slightly, focused on her face. "While Les sucks the venom out of Stevo's
paw, again, here are a few parting words from the Krawk Krew."
"I can't feel my legs…" Stevo moaned in the
background. "Faster, Les!"
"I -ppfth- hate… -ppftth- my job!" Les complained
between spits.
"PetPets are noble, wonderful creatures who
can be enjoyed in their wild habitats as long as certain rules of safety are
obeyed," Keri said, ignoring her husband's plight. He'd been bit plenty of times
before, and always survived - not to mention, a nice Jetsam had just sold her
a great insurance policy.
"Everything's going black…." Stevo gasped, "More
suction!"
"Going -pttfth- to -ptthfh- apply for a job
-pttth- with Techo Safari…" Les said, sucking the venom out more rapidly.
"So join us next time for another exciting episode
of Krawk Files - and don't forget to drop by the Krawk Hunter Souvenir Shop for some great souvenir merchandise! We've got some lovely
toy sailboats and bottles of sand that Stevo personally won from Tombola!"
The End
Author's Note: The parody in this story is intentional, and the characters
used in it reside on the account Krawk_Files.
As always, thank you for reading, and feel free to Neomail
me if you've got a question, comment, or are just feeling a bit riled! | 
