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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 23rd day of Eating, Yr 21
The Neopian Times Week 107 > Short Stories > Give my Regards to Neopia!

Give my Regards to Neopia!

by plushieowner

Author’s note: As silly as this sounds, this story is better to read aloud or sung as it supposed to be a play/musical but Neopian style, of course. It isn’t necessary but I recommend it for full reading enjoyment.

Presenting from plushieowner productions 'Neopia! The Musical’. Hope you enjoy it! I would just like to point out no Chias were harmed during the making of this play.

Starring an all star cast (who also appear in ‘Cheat! The Musical!’ coming late next year.) They are:
Spectre as the ‘egotistical’ Times Regular.
Capara as ‘thoughtful and understanding’ Snowflake.
Fernypoo as the ‘dreamy and determined’ Times Wannabe.
Kalora as the ‘always and fed up’ Rejected Author.
Plushieowner as the‘boring but necessary’ Narrator.
Brucey B as the ‘hard working’ Mister Pickles.

Scene 1 (The Beginning, Well duh!)

(Narrator walks up onto stage.)

“Welcome to the show! Nights, cameos, reaction!
Wait a minute! It should say,
‘Lights, camera, action!’
I think someone is going to be fired today.
Stupid stage prompt Lenny,
Stupid theatre company hiring incompetence to save a pretty penny.”

(Narrator runs back offstage chasing after the Lenny who is prompting for the actors. She runs on stage again, puffed out. Starting to narrate the story....)

“Every day,
And every night.
Snowflake the editor of The Neopian Times slaves away,
To make Neopets a better site.

Poor, poor Snowflake,
Her job isn’t really a piece of cake.
With her over stacked tray,
And especially when some authors insist on getting in her way.

They make such a big objection,
Can’t they deal with a little rejection.
She can’t make everyone happy, it's too bad,
It’s not like she wants to make people sad.
Working all day long,
Suddenly she stops and bursts in song.”

(Crosses to a scene of Neopets HQ but the spotlight is on Snowflake’s office desk.)

Snowflake: (singing)
“It’s murder for the editor,
Authors bugging her until she hits the floor.
Can’t they understand, I can’t accept anymore,
Explaining this over and over again is starting to become a chore.”

“Sifting by hand though each submission,
Picking the best is her mission.
Everyday without fail,
She goes to check her email.”

(Reading one of her e-mails.)

“Aww, I don’t need to be knighted,
Since I pulled a user’s comic that was copyrighted.”

“But sometime in the day, disaster struck.
Looks like the automatic email system had become corrupt.
“Not enough submissions,” she screamed.
Submission shortage, it seemed.
Her email had a glitch,
Luckily it was spotted and fixed.
Afterwards gave a huge sigh,
Held a printed off submission and held it up high.”

(Looks over to Mister Pickle’s direction and shows him the submission.)

Snowflake: (singing)
“This isn’t the greatest article in the world...
This is just horrible! Pickles, you won't believe it!”

“She scribbles on a note with her pen,
Pondering how could this happen.
Never mind, she gets back to work with her No. 1 fan,
Mister Pickles, you don’t know this man?
The staff member who looks cute,
In a wrestler suit.

The day seems to go quick,
With not many submissions to go through and pick.
As the rest of the staff left, Snowflake stayed behind after work.”

Snowflake: (Waving bye!)
“Bye everyone!
I’m staying here to get a bit more work done!”

(Everyone has gone. The lights go out because of the power goes out. The sound of rain and thunder can be heard. The stage is completely black apart from a spotlight on Snowflake. )
“She’s waiting in the dark,
There’s nothing but the rain.
In the office she looks around,
To hear no sound.
It’s a dark stormy night,
There’s something not quite right.

There’s nothing she can do,
Pickles, she needs you.”

(She stumbles though the dark to find the power box and manages to get the lights back on.)

Scene 2: (The Neopian Reality)

(Then the scene changes to Snowflake walking home in the rain. She takes a Neopian Times newspaper out of her handbag. She puts it over her head to protect herself from getting rained on.)

“Fyora’s sake! I didn’t think to bring my umbrella!” Though I think I left it with that ‘obsessed with asparagus’ fella.

“Walking down the street,
She starts to tap her feet.
Singing a sad, jazzy beat.”

(Snowflake looks at a bunch of street Lupes picking on some Chias.)

Snowflake: (singing)
“No cannibalism in the Catacombs,
Lupes, leave those Chias alone!

Fed up and all,
With another ‘Lupe versus Chia’ brawl.”

Scene 3 (3 Way Author Triangle)

(Wannabe, Regular and Rejected walk onto stage. All of them sit down on crates. )

Wannabe: (looking up at the sky and singing at the same time.)
“Waiting for the times,
When you will be in my arms,
Waiting for the times...”

“We are in need of some controversy,
Because the Times wouldn't be the same without me. ”

(Points to Regular and drops to the ground, to worship his feet.)

Rejected: (singing)
He’s so lucky,
He’s a Times Star.
Will I ever get that far?”

(Looks at Rejected in disgust and begins to talk to her.)

Wannabe: “Why do you inspire to him?”
“You know, he ain’t nothing but a Times hog,
And he ain’t no pal of mine.

Regular: (singing)
“What!? You say I hog the times?
Sourpuss! Eat some limes.
You are green with envy?
Because you trophy count aren’t high as me.
Well eat my socks!
Just look at my fan mail filled inbox.

I’m NOT stuck up,
With an ego that is corrupt.
Hope you have just noted,
I’m just overly devoted...”

Wannabe: (jealously)
“Fruits of your labour,
Just published only because a personal favour.”

The regular just gave a belly roar,
He just replied, “I don’t have personal connections with that editor!”

(Lights fade out.)

Scene 4 (Judgement Day)

(Everyone is at computers. Snowflake is tapping away, reading submissions on her computer.)

“Currently picking out this week’s submissions on her computer,
Left to then dread the possible consequence of the rejection letter.” (Wannabe walks over to where Snowflake is, with a piece of paper in her hand.)

“Just read it!
Read it!
Do sight it!
I tried really hard to write it!
Just read it!”

(A few seconds of pause.)

Rejected: (singing)
“Rejection, Rejection.
Ms. Snowflake, I want to be no exception.
Look at my submission? Don’t even bother.
Just pick another.”

“I’m sending the letters out,
If you get one, don’t scream and shout.”

(All the authors altogether scream together, looking at their computers.)


(Wannabe is sitting on the floor crying. Regular looks shocked. Rejected looks a bit annoyed. Snowflake goes to comfort Wannabe)

“I can see in your eyes,
Let me please just apologize.
Sending rejection letters I do despise,
Come on, stand up and rise.
I have a surprise.

(Snowflake helps Wannabe up and then whispers something into her ear. Wannabe emotionless walks off stage. )

As for the rest of you,
Be yellow, not blue.
There’s no need to croon,
The Times won’t disappear any time soon.
Have no fear,
Don’t shed a tear.
No need for a tissue,
Remember there’s always next week’s issue...”

“Pushing Snowflake and Wannabe aside,
The heartless, selfish Regular has no consideration inside.”

Regular: (singing)
“Can’t stop my times addiction,
Writing stories of pure fiction.
I have quills that are multiplying,
I’m Neopia’s best, stop denying.
Why don’t you start again to publish me?”

Snowflake: (trying to reason with them)
But you already have enough trophies. Isn’t that enough?
Give some other authors a chance, you are being a bit rough.

Regular: “Want to know the truth about authors?”

(Rock band comes in with guitars and drum. Regular takes a microphone and begins to hum.)

“Authors don’t like trophies, they want fan mail and money,
Authors will laugh at wannabes when they aren’t funny.
Authors are the smarties,
Should be the ones Invited to A list parties.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not too disappointed Snow.
What’s that saying? “Submit me, once more”.
With nothing much else to do,
I’ll be submitting more in a week or two.
Tell me if you like my writing style,
I just want my name in the NT Search file.
Times Writer.”

(Regular walks off, now really angry. Wannabe skips in happily and comes up to Rejected.)

Wannabe: (singing)
“I’m getting published in the morning!
Ding dong, I’m been waiting ‘oh’ so long.
So take me to the Catacombs on time.”

“Congrats, I’m so happy for you!
Meep, Piffle, Moo. (They start singing together.)
“See that girl!
Hit the ‘published writer’ scene,
She’s the Times queen.”

(They both giggle. Lights go out and walk off.)

Scene 5 (The 'confusing often philosophical ending that doesn’t make much sense')

(Faint screams can be heard. A whole people of angry authors with torches and attack forks appear. The Regular seems to be the leader of the group)

“Where’s Snowflake?” (Regular picks up his torch and rake.)

(Mr. Pickles appears from out of nowhere.)

Mister Pickles:
“Um, no idea? Why do you ask?
Doing some kind of task?
Who are you?”

“I’m here, to inquire about my predicament, I guess.
To the staff member in the pretty white dress.
Life seems so grim,
For once, the Times is out but I’m not in.
I can’t get no... PUBLICATION!

“Mister Pickles, rips the side of his shirt and yells in agony,
From a herd of angry authors he needs to flee.
With Snowflake nowhere in site,
Poor Pickles got chased by pitch forking authors all that night. ”

Mr. Pickles:

The End. (For now, nothing beats a sequel. No, just kidding! How about a prequel? Okay, that was not funny, I promise to be quiet now.)

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