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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 20th day of Hunting, Yr 21
The Neopian Times Week 60 > Short Stories > More Excerpts from Dr. Sloth's Webjournal

More Excerpts from Dr. Sloth's Webjournal

by pseudo

Date: Monday, 14th Swimming, Y4 4:53 PM
Music: Frost Cannon Battledome Blues - 2 Gallon Hatz
Mood: Disgruntled

I have just returned from the space station. Apparently a few of the rogue Grundo's have made a 'game' of whacking a sock puppet with a newspaper. The puppet doesn't even resemble me! I have MUCH more hair than that. And my eyes are much bigger and piercing. I'll have to give them a nasty little surprise when I get my sludge ray fixed. The parts shop I ordered them from called and said they had to back order the disfrantibulator and it would take another two weeks. TWO WEEKS! What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Jump out from behind doors and yell boo? That would hardly strike fear into the hearts of Neopians.

~Sloth

Date: Tuesday, 15th Swimming, Y4 7:35 PM
Music: Show me the meaning of being fishy - The Backstreet Kois
Mood: Introspective

What do Dark Faeries like? Binky just came home and mentioned that he was on a quest for a dark faerie. Seems she wants a 'whistle.' Perhaps Jhudora might be interested in some trinket, I'll have to have my minions ask around. I have decided I will ask her to be my escort for the 'Evil Denizens' Costume Ball. Now I just have to think up a fantastic costume to impress her. Perhaps I'll pop in for tea with the pant devil later today and ask him what he's going as.

~Sloth.

Date: Wednesday, 16th Swimming, Y4 10:03 PM
Music:
With Claws Wide Open - Stick N Stones
Mood: Annoyed

Well, today was a complete disaster. I stopped by the Pant Devil's place to see if he was in, but I forgot that it was his laundry day, so he was out. Then I popped into the grooming parlour to get some costume ideas for the ED Costume Ball and they were all sold out of everything except super hold glitter hairspray. For that matter, I decided to try it and discovered that it is aptly named. To make matters worse, the 'glitter' is rainbow coloured and refused to wash out. So as I type this, my beautiful green tresses are now multicoloured, shiny spikes. I suppose if I wanted to dress as 'Graarrly Glitter' I'd be all set, however that is not the case.

Tomorrow I shall visit the clothing shop, perhaps they will have something to inspire me. I shall also change from my normal black robes to something more appropriate. If I'm stuck with rainbow glitter in my hair I'm at least going to make it look like it's intentional.

And something must be done about Binky. When I came out of the WC he burst into laughter and still hasn't settled down. Perhaps I'll send him out to the lab to 'play' with the new batch of mutant Grundos. Mwahahaha.

~Sloth

Date: Thursday, 17th Swimming, Y4 5:45 PM
Music: She gathers feathers - Collective Pteri
Mood: Excited

What a busy day it has been! My goodness, I'm exhausted! I ran into Jhudora at the clothing shop, she was also shopping for her EDCB costume. She was being so very evil to that Uni that runs the shop I couldn't help but admire her even more. And, she agreed to be my escort for the ball! I am in absolute paradise. Here's what happened: I walked into the clothing shop with my stylish rainbow suit and dark glasses complimenting my hair glitter perfectly. Jhudora was yelling at the shop Uni who was cowering under a stack of Techo Scarves. Jhu was immediately drawn to my suave good looks and casual indifference. She approached and commented on my hair. I flipped off my sunglasses (unfortunately I didn't notice the shelf until it was too late and one of the lenses shattered, but I don't think she noticed) and gave her my dazzling sloth smile. She was so charmed I swear she swooned a little. Then I complimented her stunning taste in clothing and asked her if she had her costume picked out for the ED party. She coyly ignored me and began flipping through the racks of something labeled 'support wings.' I decided to play it cool and absently pretended to browse among the Chia sweaters.

Eventually we met again at the discount bargain bin and our hands brushed as we both reached for the same green tie-dyed scarf. Then our eyes met and it was love at first sight. Right then and there I decided I had to do it. I asked her to be my escort and she accepted. Actually, she said she had been waiting for me to ask her. What can I say, I'm so irresistible. ;)

I am going to take another shower and try to wash this cursed glitter out of my hair.

~Sloth

Author's note: I managed to get hold of a copy of Jhudora's diary and thought it might be interesting to compare stories.

Dear Diary,

Today was the worst day ever! I broke a nail yelling at one of those ungrateful Neopet owners who took forever to bring me the purple paint brush that I asked for. Honestly, these people have no idea how many paint brushes it takes to keep me looking this good! Then I picked up a copy of The Neopian Times and noticed that there was a COMIC MAKING FUN OF ME! HOW DARE THEY!

I wanted to go over to Grundo's Gym to take out my frustrations on the treadmill, but I couldn't find it! So I stopped in at the clothing shop to see if they had anything interesting for my Evil Denizens Costume Ball outfit. The Uni that runs the place was giving me attitude, so I took her down a few pegs. How dare she say that I dye my hair! Then, to make matters worse, who should walk in but Dr. Sloth. Not only that, but he was dressed in the most bizarre fashion. He wore a rainbow coloured trench coat and disco pants, topped off by a pair of broken sunglasses. Not only that, but his hair! Before it was only slightly repulsive, but now...I do believe he's been using the super extra hold glitter hairspray from the grooming parlour. It was weird! It took me a minute to realise that he was either very drunk or previewing his Evil Denizens costume. Anyway, he started staring at me in the most uncomfortable way, then he came over and tried to act all cool, so I was like 'What's up with your hair?' and he was all, 'Oh, just trying out a new look.'

That completely weirded me out, so I thought that if I ignored him he would just go away. But he didn't. He kept staring at me, driving me crazy. I think he might have a crush on me or something. Then he grabbed my hand later and said he really liked my dress. Creepy. Anyway, the dude actually asked me if I wanted to go the Evil Denizens Ball with him. My first instinct was to refuse, but then I figured, hey, why not, he IS Fyora's worst enemy after all, it would get her wings in a bunch to hear that I went to the ball with him, so I figured, what the heck, it's only one night. So yeah. Anyway, I have to get back to finishing my nails before 'That Mynci Show' comes on. I love that show :)

Date: Friday, 18th Swimming, Y4 12:25 am
Music: Pretty Fly for a Kyrii - The Baby Lupe's
Mood: Pleased

Well, my hair is STILL pointy and shiny. I'm going to contact the manufacturer of this stuff and see if they make any sort of antidote. Then I'm going to recruit them into my evil army of destruction. Anyone who can make a product this evil deserves some sort of recognition.

Oh, It turns out the shop was able to get the disfrantibulator out to me sooner than they thought! I received it this morning and fixed my sludge ray, finally! It's about time. It cost an arm and a leg, but my Super Sludge Ray is now better than ever. I tested it out on that big stack of palm fans I got from the Tombola and it worked like a charm. Later I will go back to Neopia and we'll just see who tries to make fun of my hair now! Mwahahahaha.

Hmmmm, must come up with a good costume, I'm stumped. Maybe a trip to the armoury is in order.

~Sloth

Date: Saturday, 19th Swimming, Y4, 9:12 PM
Music: Around Neopia - The Red Hot Turnip Stackers
Mood: Gleeful

I'm so full of glee! I tried my Sludge Ray on my first victim and it worked! Ha ha! I reduced their Teenage Usuki Doll to a pile of sludge. Then I did a merry, yet dignified, jig for joy and ran off to cause more random acts of evil. Also ran into the Pant Devil today. He asked me what I was going as and I told him it was a secret. Then he refused to tell me who he was going as and we got into an argument. Then he tried to steal my pants!

That's it; he's getting a fruitcake for Christmas this year.

~Sloth

Date: Saturday, July 20th Swimming, Y4 11:10 PM
Music: Love Chia - The Chia Sweaters
Mood: Spiteful

I've finally gotten inspiration for my costume. I've been thinking about my meeting with PD yesterday and I've decided that I will go as him! Yes, it will be my way of mocking him. And the costume should be fairly easy; I just need to make a pant flag. Oh joy!

~Sloth


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