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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 20th day of Collecting, Yr 19
The Neopian Times Week 52 > Articles > Feed Florg

Feed Florg

by ireallyamaloser

GAMES CUPBOARD - Like you do everyday and have been doing for the past two years, you go to the NeoPets home page. Ooh, look! A news flash! How exciting! You see the heading 'Krunchy Kadoaties and Sugary Slorg Snacks'. You think to yourself, this doesn't sound right. Krunchy Kadoaties? Kadoaties are those ADORABLE Petpets. Your NeoPet might even have one! The picture to go with this heading is… an angry Mutant Chia, mouth wide open, holding a crying Hasse by the doodle-bobs. The Mutant Chia appears as if it's going to EAT the poor thing. Then it registers: Krunchy Kadoaties… this Mutant Chia is going to eat Petpets. Under this horrific picture is a caption…

FEED FLORG!!!
Florg HUNGRY!!!! Keep petpets
on plate so Florg can eat them!!!
Click here to play!

Out of pure shock, you click the picture to see what this is all about. Bad grammar and a banner with a close up of the soon-to-be-devoured Hasse greet you. The normal look follows, the Game's Name, a picture to represent it, your high score, the number of times you've played today, the world, the game version ETC., ETC., ETC. At the time, there were 47,500 game plays. 47,500 Neopians have eaten Petpets today? You shake your head and shudder. You don't know why, but you CLICK TO PLAY. It is a 246 k game, you note. You wait for the game to load, not prepared for what you are about to see… There is a VERY large picture of Florg about to eat another Hasse. Those poor Hasses, you think. You've never played before, so naturally the Instructions option is the best choice. The Instructions say this:

FLORG THE MUTANT CHIA IS HUNGRY, AND HIS FAVOURITE SNACKS ARE PETPETS! USE THE HAND TO KEEP THE PETPETS FROM FALLING OFF THE TABLE. YOUR GAME ENDS IF FIVE PETPETS FALL OFF THE TABLE. CONTROLS USE THE OPTIONS MENU TO SET YOUR CONTROLS. YOU CAN EITHER USE THE MOUSE OR THE KEYS TO CONTROL THE HAND. SCORING YOU GET ONE POINT FOR HITTING THE PETPET WITH YOUR HAND. AND TEN POINTS FOR FEEDING FLORG A PETPET.

You are completely disgusted, but still want to see how the game works. You control an orange hand that swings around a circular platform. A large, slobbery Mutant Chia is anxious and flailing all over, waiting for Petpets. A small cage lowers. A cage! You gasp! This is CRUEL AND UNUSUAL punishment! Where are all of these Petpets coming from? A Krawk, Blue Kadoatie, Bearog, Slorg, Green Puppyblew, Hasse, Snorkle, Warf are lowered throughout the game. Krawk? Krawk?! Those sell for… for Hundreds of Thousands, MILLIONS of NP (Anywhere from 425k to well over 1 million)!!! They're just being dropped from a small, steal cage for this Mutant Chia to consume at your control?? And this is a GAME? People are ENCOURAGED to play this game?? You can't believe your eyes. What has NeoPets come to?

***

This is what I was faced with today. I am a HUGE lover of Mutant NeoPets. And you know, I'll be one-of-the-first-ones to admit Mutant NeoPets have a bad rap. Yes, many DO approve, but many do not. Also, many Neopians and humans in general judge by the media, by what they see on TV, for example. Perhaps there are some n00bs (newbies) that aren't familiar with Mutant NeoPets. Their first reaction is going to be OMG! Mutant NeoPets eat Petpets?? Mutant Chias are large and slobbery and have very poor grammar?! I hate Mutant NeoPets for that! Mutant NeoPets are shunned again. Understand these points of 'Feed Florg'…

THE MASCOT IS A MUTANT NEOPET

Mutants are all ready feared for being larger and not as fuzzy. Mutants are all ready shunned and sometimes hated for this. By using a Mutant NeoPet as the Mascot, people will come to believe that all Mutants, especially the Chia, are Petpet-eating, slobbery, fat (OK, so Chias ARE fat) NeoPets with bad grammar! Mutants are NOTHING of the sort! There are many VERY intelligent Mutant NeoPets!

THE OBJECT OF THE GAME IS TO EAT PETPETS

What does that say? The more Petpets you eat, the more points, the more NP you will gain! NeoPets is suggesting EATING Petpets. They are also saying that Mutant NeoPets are the ones doing it. If you do not approve of eating Petpets, you will obviously disapprove of Mutants.

THE SLORG ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR FLORG

Besides Petpets painted Mutant, the Slorg has the biggest resemblance to that of a Mutant. Florg has an expensive appetite, as he consumes 5 Krawks easily during one game. But Slorgs are not good enough, are worth only half the normal 10 pts you receive for consumption of a Petpet? In Florg's own words, "Florg think Slorgs are yuck." Perhaps this is a lucky thing for our Slorg friends. But it is also saying Slorgs are under-average, only good enough for half. I think the Slorg is a PERFECTLY good Petpet.

THIS IS THE FIRST PUBLIC INTRODUCTION TO MUTANT NEOPETS

Unless you go to the Rainbow Pool regularly, you may have never even heard of Mutant NeoPets. Yes, some Neopians know Dr. Sloth (who is merely misunderstood!) can give you a Transmogrification Potion to change your NeoPet into a Mutant, but MANY Neopians are relatively new to the site. This is the first time a Mutant NeoPet is used in a game. So basically, the only time you see a Mutant NeoPet is when it is eating a Petpet. Great. Petpet-eaters are not going to be liked. Therefore, Neopians are going to start hating Mutants.

***

As I said before, I know MANY good, INTELLIGENT Mutant NeoPets and knew one in particular wasn't taking Florg lightly. crazygal32123123's Mutant Cybunny, Fhurr and I talked about the new game and Florg.

Fhurr: Yes, I'm very upset. I don't understand how anyone could think that Mutants eat petpets. …People are afraid of us because we're larger than normal Neopets, and, I'll admit, we're a little frightening. But people must remember that none of us began this way--we started as smaller, fluffier Neopets and our hearts and minds are still theirs. …I assure you, I've never tried to scare anyone, but I do know my appearance is a bit odd.

ireallyamaloser: I've all ways loved Mutant NeoPets. But to think that NeoPets created a Mutant NeoPet that eats Petpets and makes a GAME out of it… That is DISGUSTING…THAT IS SICK!!!

Fhurr: *nods* And it creates yet more hate towards Mutants. Why, just after the release of the game, a crowd of NeoPets tried to take my dear Gruslen away from me! They seemed sure that I would make the poor thing into a sandwich! My sister had to threaten to bite them before they left.

ireallyamaloser: (Out of curiosity) What species and colour is your sister?

Fhurr: geekishfreak is a blue Kau.

ireallyamaloser: Do you know any Mutant Chias?

Fhurr: Yes, I have one as a friend.

ireallyamaloser: Do they eat Petpets?

Fhurr: Not at all! On the contrary, the two of us generally sample different carrot dishes, and we generally share them with our Petpets. Neither of us like meat of any sort.

ireallyamaloser: Are Chias generally meat-eaters?

Fhurr: They have a hard time chewing meat, as they have no teeth. Most that I've known are content to eat sweets and ice cream--that's why they're so pudgy.

ireallyamaloser: Have you played Feed Florg?

Fhurr: I asked my sister to, to see if I was misjudging it. It's every bit as bad as you'd think. Florg even seems to be constantly... ugh... drooling on himself. 'Slorg is yuck' is yet another painful point. And, if you look closely, you'll notice that the Slorg--the Petpet closest to being considered a Mutant--is worth only half the points. I'm a mutant, and I speak eloquently enough, don't I? They also portray him as having terrible manners and an atrocious disposition.

Fhurr: I would like to say on behalf of all Mutant Neopets that we wouldn't harm a fly, much less a Teasquito. Please, let Neopets know how you feel about this savage portrayal of us pets. If you don't mind my mentioning, Extreme Herder--where you save Petpets--is much more fun and has a bigger Neopoint give out.

Fhurr's last statements recap everything that should and could be said on Behalf of 'Feed Florg.' 'Feed Florg' is bad ALL AROUND. Not only does it portray Mutants as large, scary, unintelligent creatures, but also it promotes eating Petpets and that Mutants are the ones doing it. Mutant NeoPets DO NOT eat Petpets. Mutants are not daft and do not speak in sentence fragments. They do not fail and drool. Mutants are WONDERFUL creatures.

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