(Not-So) Lost Worlds of Neopia Episode VII: Cockroach Tower by evianevian | |
So we've shown you all around various unseen worlds, taught you all kinds of
history about Neopia that you wish you hadn't known... but where does one stay
when one is exploring? Contrary to popular belief, we at LWN definitely prefer
a cozy bed to a mound of leaves on the ground. This is why today, _Storm_Song_
the Gelert will be showing you one of our favourite hotels in the Haunted Woods
(umm, are there any other hotels in the Haunted Woods?): COCKROACH TOWERS!!!
Lovely name, isn't it??
I've had my share of stays in the Haunted Woods, and let me tell you this
is NOT the place for camping. You never know when the Esophagor is going to
take a midnight walk and mistake you for an extra-large Sundried Techo Claw...
but I digress. Suffice it to say, when I'm in the Haunted Woods on business,
ANY hotel is enough for me. That is why, despite the many, shall we say, less
than perfect aspects of what I have come to refer as Rooms of Doom, Cockroach
Towers is my first stop in the Haunted Woods.
The only lawful check-in hours are between 3:00 and 3:05 a.m. At all other
times, the front doors of the hotel are locked against pestering Ghostkerchiefs
and the explosions from nearby Edna the Witch's Tower. The only employee is
a Techo, who isn't really a great help. My advice to you? Go to the always unlocked
back entrance, and stroll in. Go in any suite--the odds are very slim there
will be any other guests at the same time as your stay. Oh, and don't go looking
for vending machines on the way up, unless you want a Dr. Backwash or Metallicious
Ice Lolly. To get some out of the two broken vending machines, bang twice on
the left side, jump on the top three times, pull the purple lever... wait, that's
the Alien Aisha vending machine!!
Now, after bracing yourself with these yummy treats, you are ready to enter
the single scariest part of Cockroach Towers' operation: the guest rooms. Put
on the convenient gas mask hanging outside each suite, then enter at your own
risk. Spend as little time as possible in your suite. It would probably be easiest
just to sleep in the hall outside and swim in the swirling green waters of the
Pool--these would be safer and more sanitary than whatever lurks in your room.
Now, make your way down to the Greasy Spoon; 1/2 star cuisine at a low low
price is the specialty of the hotel restaurant. I say 1/2 star because, to feed
yourself, you have to get a frozen food pack out of the ice chamber, which has
a floor littered in frozen rats, then de-thaw the chunk of ice you have retrieved
in the defective microwave. Don't blame me if your Claw-Matoe surprise makes
you glow in the dark! Wash it all down with the only decent stuff in the place;
a delicious magic vial potion!
If its some activities you desire now, this hotel hosts the bi-century Culture
Convention, where Neopets from all over Neopia gather to celebrate the finer
things in life. If you're lucky enough to arrive at this time, you will find
an even better hotel than the Astro-Villa. If you're like me, and come the rest
of the time, your 5 NP a night will at least keep you out of ear-reach from
the Brain Tree's sleep-talking ("Rebecca Wilberforce... Ivan Kacheek... The
prizes I give out for my quests stink, but no one will ever know." That tree
is only fooling himself. But enough of my low-grade ranting.) If you are forced
to stay here, I wish you the best of luck--you'll need it.
Join us next time, when we'll explore yet another of Neopia's fab hotels! To
get a sneak peek at future episodes, check out the LWN guild. Till then, keep
exploring! |