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Untitled Document
I should have known that the exit to the maze would be at
Fungus Cave. This meant wading through a stream that looked horrifyingly like
a giant Meukas snot trail. So I wasn't surprised when the Krawk scooped up a hand-full
of the toxic green sludge and slurped it out of his paw. I wasn't as nauseated
by this as I had been before because my bare feet were so sore that even a stream
that gave off an odor worse than the Swamp Ghoul's breath still felt refreshingly
cool.
"Where exactly is this hotel, anyway?" I asked,
more to distract myself from the jabbing pain in my feet than in actual curiosity.
"Arrr, Ye Olde Ship Inn be behind the Krawk Island Fashions Mall," the Krawk
replied, sucking a bit of leafy fungus into his mouth like a strand of spaghetti.
I was utterly amazed. It wasn't because he could suck in fungus like spaghetti,
although that was a pretty good trick-- it was because of what he had said.
"Pirates have a mall?" I asked in disbelief. "Arrr! Of course there be
a mall," the Krawk snorted. "We be buccaneers-- not barbarians!"
The inn looked pretty plain from the outside,
but I have to confess it was splendidly salty on the inside. Fishing nets with
enormous cork floats were draped across the walls between figureheads mounted
like hunting trophies. Every conceivable kind of anchor was scattered across
the lobby like an obstacle course. The room was filled with a sea of pets wearing
red and white striped shirts. It looked like a candy cane factory had exploded.
You couldn't walk three steps without hearing phrases that seemed to be memorized
from Cap'n Threelegs' Swashbuckling Manual.
"Arrr Arrr matey!"
"Thar she blows!"
"I'll be the son of a sea dog!"
"My feet hurt."
Okay, so the last one was from me. The Krawk
looked over the boisterous mob and announced, "I can't remember me shipmate's
name, but he should be easy enough to find. He be an Aisha in a red and white
striped shirt, earrings in both ears and a patch over one eye!"
I'm not sure, but I think I began to laugh hysterically.
Note an emphasis on the word "hysterical". I must have blacked out for a moment
because the next thing I knew, I was sitting on the edge of a huge mermaid-water-Faerie
fountain clicking my heels together. I was muttering over and over, "There's
no place like home. There's no place like home."
I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the fountain
pool and did a double-take. The guy in the water looked like he had been dragged
all over the countryside behind a galloping Uni. His shirt and pants were shredded
and his hair looked like he was wearing a fungus cap. I lifted my foot and winced
when I saw the bottom of it. I had blisters that resembled pusberries. I guess
I must have looked pretty pathetic because a passing Tonu handed me a ten Dubloon
coin and patted my arm sympathetically. I wanted to jump up and thank her but
my knees went on strike and refused to unbend.
I stretched my neck and looked around the lobby
for the Tonu but she was gone. It was then that I realized that Stonewolf3x
and the pirate Krawk were gone too. "Oh, that's just infested peachy," I thought
and shoved the Dubloon into my pocket. After several minutes, I finally convinced
my knees that if they didn't cooperate I was going to use them to crawl with,
so they unlocked and I was able to stand up. So I headed for the front desk.
A Koi with a red and white striped shirt, earrings
in his... ummm... fins and a patch over one eye glanced up from a ledger he
was carefully pouring dust on. He closed the huge book with a snap and the dust
billowed up dramatically.
He noticed the surprised look on my face and
said, "Arrr, it's a bother to do it but the tourists seem to like it."
I had the impression that he must have seen
my tattered pants and battered appearance and thought I was one of the locals.
So I just nodded and smiled.
"Yeah, blasted tourists," I replied. "I say
let 'em all walk the plank!"
"Arrr, but we had to cut out the practice when
they all be linin' up to pay for it!" the Koi said wistfully. "Sorta took all
the fun out of it!"
I didn't know how to respond to that, but luckily
for me, he asked, "And how'll I be helpin' ye, matey?"
"I am looking for... err... I mean, I be lookin'
fer some shipmates o' mine," I said in a really corny pirate accent. "A pirate
Krawk, a pirate Aisha and a..."
The Koi raised something that looked almost
like an eyebrow and cut me off by saying, "There be a lot here that fit that
bill. What be their names?"
I shrugged helplessly. "I don't know their names..."
"Arrr, if they be good mates o' yours and still
don't give out their names, they must be smugglers," the Koi replied with a
knowing wink of his one eye.
At least I think it was a wink. How do you know
if someone with one eye is winking or blinking, anyway? The Koi waved a webbed
fin towards a large oak side door.
"You could try the Skull 'N Crossbones Lounge,"
he suggested. I thanked him and headed for the lounge.
It wasn't quite the rowdy buccaneer tavern I
was expecting. I was expecting to see brawling fist fights and overturned poker
tables and flying daggers. The only thing in the room that was even close to
being rowdy was a bunch of Techos in three-cornered hats doing the Macarena
on one of the long tables. Which was actually pretty impressive since they all
had wooden left legs. And a flotsam with a ring in his top fin was doing a nice
job of singing karaoke, although his choice of "On Top of Spaghetti" was kind
of odd. But other than that the room was pretty quiet.
I caught a glimpse of flame-colored ears on
the far end and squeezed through the long rows of tables until I got there.
Stonewolf3x and the Krawk were sitting on one side of the table and a pirate
Aisha with a crokabek on his shoulder sat across from them. I slid onto the
bench next to Wolf.
"Hi, guys!" I chirped. "Did you forget something?"
"What?" asked Wolf with a puzzled look.
"ME!" I hissed through a clenched-tooth smile.
He didn't answer because a pretty Usul in an
apron appeared. She was carrying a tray of mugs and several pitchers.
"And what'll ye be havin', love? Root beer or
ale?" she asked sweetly as she bent her face close to mine.
"Umm...root beer... I guess..." I replied slowly,
scanning the table to see what everyone was having. She set a mug down in front
on me and poured root beer in it until the foam overflowed the top and slid
down the side.
"Arrr, so ye be a root beer man, eh? I be a
ginger ale pet, meself!" said the Aisha jovially, raising his mug for emphasis.
I pulled the ten Dubloon coin from my pocket.
"You wouldn't happen to have change for this, would you?" I asked, showing it
to the Usul waitress. Her eyes glowed like radioactive muffins.
"I'll see what I can do fer ye," she cooed in
my ear.
She seemed really friendly so I didn't quite
understand why the Aisha suddenly roared, "Arrr! Away with ye, ya clingin' ring
vine! I'll be makin' change fer him soon enough!"
The Usul turned and stalked off, her fluffy
tail swishing indignantly. When she left, the Aisha pulled the crokabek from
his shoulder and set him down on the table.
"Arrr, this be as fine a bird as ever I had!"
he said, never moving his unpatched eye from the silver Dubloon in my hand.
"I hate to part with him, but these be hard times."
"So, how much is this gonna cost me?" I replied
with a sigh.
The Aisha grinned and licked his lips like a
Dubloon was an ultimate burger. "Arrr..." he said eagerly, "I think a ten Dubloon
coin fer me crokabek be fair... and I'd be willin' to toss in a two Dubloon
coin."
I looked at the Krawk for reassurance that this
was a fair price. But he was busy picking his fangs with the tip of his hook
and watching a Meerca in a three-cornered hat and black boots launch into a
zesty karaoke version of "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round". The crokabek
hopped up to me and stuck his tongue out.
"Arrr... I could be persuaded to part with a
two Dubloon coin and five hundred Neopoints..." the Aisha said, coughing slightly
and shifting uncomfortably.
The crokabek hissed at me with a long, drawn-out
"HHISSSSSSSSSS".
"Arrr... a thousand Neopoints..." the Aisha
continued, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. The crokabek began to hop
wildly around the table. "TWO thousand Neopoints...!" the Aisha exclaimed. His
good eye was now twitching noticeably.
The crokabek then hopped back up to me and squealed,
"AAIIIIIIIEEE!"
"And a pair o' lucky green boots! That's me
final offer!" the Aisha screeched, pulling an extremely familiar pair of lucky
green boots from his duffle bag and thumping them on the table.
"DEAL!" I shouted happily. I tossed him the
ten Dubloon coin and snatched up the boots, hugging them to my chest like a
long-lost friend.
"Arrr! Ye be the devil's own haggler! No wonder
they brought ye along!" the Aisha growled, plunking a two Dubloon coin and two
thousand Neopoints... down on the table. He then stormed off, muttering angrily
to himself.
I scooped up the money in amazement. I had just
made the best haggle of my life and I hadn't even said a word. Not only that,
but I had come to Krawk Island with only a two Dubloon coin, and somehow I had
managed to get a pirate Krawk bodyguard, a crokabek and two thousand Neopoint
profit. This had definitely been an unusual day.
The crokabek hopped onto the Krawk's hook and
then worked his way up to the Krawk's shoulder. He puffed out his feathers and
said in a squawky voice, "I never did like cats."
My jaw dropped so much it almost hit the table.
"Arrr, ye be with a Krawk now, and I'll do right
by ye, I'll be bound!" the Krawk replied and soothed the crokabek's ruffled
chest feathers with his claw. The crokabek closed his eyes and chirped in contentment.
"It talked!" I gasped.
The Krawk gave me an of-course-a-crokabek-can-talk-look
and replied, "Arrr, of course a crokabek can talk. Don't ye know anything about
petpets?"
"I guess not..." I said, and avoided his critical
stare by struggling to pull my lucky green boots over my swollen feet.
"So you've now been paid to be my bodyguard,"
Wolf said, a pleased smile breaking across his lips.
"Aye, Cap'n. True enough!" the Krawk replied,
stroking the crokabek's beak affectionately.
"So what do we call you?" Wolf asked, cocking
his head in actual interest.
"What do they call YE, Cap'n?"
"I'm Stonewolf3x," Wolf stated in a voice that
sounded practically proud of the fact.
"And what be HIS name?" the Krawk asked, jerking
a stubby thumb in my direction.
"I'm Stoneman3x," I cut in, slightly annoyed
that I was being treated like a pet again.
"Hmmm..." the Krawk murmured thoughtfully. "So
this Stone-3x be a sort of family thing, eh?" Wolf shrugged nonchalantly and
nodded.
"Then I guess me name be Stonekrawk3x," he replied
casually. "And this be Stonecrow," he added, tapping the crokabek on its foot.
"Not Stonecrow-3x?" I asked.
"Arrr! Don't be daft, Man!" Stonekrawk3x scoffed.
"Petpets don't get last names!"
For some strange reason, that actually almost
nearly made sense. Then again, I was so giddy from hunger that I would have
agreed that there is no such thing as a female Lenny or a female Bruce because
Lenny and Bruce are guy names. The pretty Usul waitress must have seen that
the pirate Aisha was gone because she appeared at my elbow again. She whispered
so sweetly in my ear I actually got a sugar rush.
"Will ye be wantin' a refill now, love?" she
purred, holding out the pitcher of root beer over my mug.
"No thanks," I replied. "But I'm really starving.
Is the food here any good?"
"No," she replied, flashing a smile that would
have made you think she had said yes. "The best food on the island be at The
Golden Dubloon But if ye eat there, then I won't be yer waitress now, will
I?"
"Well, is there anything you can recommend?"
I asked.
"Aye," she cooed. "Usuls make VERY good pets."
I was actually shocked when Wolf clapped his
paws together and exclaimed enthusiastically, "Whoa! What a great idea! Three
guys living together could use someone to cook, clean and do the laundry!"
The Usul looked at him as if he had just announced
that hot borovan was made with melted Adam parts.
"Oh, but I'm sure ye could get a maid to do
that. Usuls are very loving pets... especially when we're pampered." Her voice
was still sweet but she was giving Wolf a disapproving look. Suddenly I realized
why she was being so painfully nice.
"I just got a bodyguard for him!" I sputtered,
pointing at my Lupe. "I'm not taking you home and getting a maid for you!"
She turned on her tail and walked off in a huff,
ginger ale and root beer sloshing onto some customers heads as she went.
"Wait! You forgot to take my order!" I yelled
after her. But she didn't even look back. I rested my forehead on the table
in despair. My stomach wasn't just growling, it was trumpeting like an Elephante.
"I would do anything for a flaming fire Faerie
pizza right now," I moaned.
"ANYTHING?" Wolf asked with a pleasantly sinister
look on his face.
"Forget it, bud," I snarled. "I may be human
but I'm not a complete idiot."
"No, you're just a partial idiot," Wolf shot
back.
The crokabek seemed to think that was funny
because it practically toppled off of Krawk's shoulder cackling with laughter.
Krawk held up his hook and Stonecrow grabbed it with his beak to steady himself.
"Arrr, I hate to change the subject, but when
will be headin' fer Neopia Central?" Krawk asked, his question directed towards
me.
"Ummm... we don't live in Neopia Central. We
live in Tyrannia," I replied, glad that he HAD changed the subject.
"I be aware of that," he said, leaning towards
me with a strange intensity in his eyes. "But the Registration Office be in
Neopia Central."
"The Registration Office?" I echoed.
"Arrr, but it's the law, ye know."
"Law? What law?" I asked, shooting a help-me-out-here-I-am-totally-confused
look at Wolf.
Wolf sighed in exasperation. "A pet can only
live with a human if the pet is officially registered to that human. It's the
First Law of Neopia."
"Yeah, but he's not MY pet," I protested. "He's
YOUR bodyguard."
"Arrr, but the law don't see it that way," Krawk
retorted sourly.
"And since when have pirates been concerned
about not breaking the law?" I quipped.
"Arrr, the Neopian constables can be persuaded
to overlook a bit o' good-natured smuggling 'n pillaging now and then, but...
arrr... they be taking the First Law very serious-like."
"Does the word frozen mean anything to
you?" Wolf asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"FROZEN?" I gasped, my head beginning to spin
like a Neopian globe.
To be continued...
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