I'd heard the news, seen the pictures of the menacing Chia wrestler in the
stylish matching loincloth and sandals ensemble, heard the stories of his Battledome
prowess… and also read
the interview by the venerable and most high priestess of Neopets authors,
Shidi. But something in me said that this snappily dressed mountain of Chia-ness
couldn't possibly be the terrifying food-crazed monster he was being portrayed
as!
And I knew that I was just the one to find out the truth! No disrespect to
Shidi or any other brave adventurers... but it became obvious to me that no one
had the needed time to get close to Kasuki. Fortunately, time is something I
have in abundance, since there have been no interesting scandals to unearth,
and I don't dare go near the Trading Post Bugs of Mystery Island any more. Besides,
I've found that large, potentially grumpy interview subjects take a soft touch…
and I've gotten good at that.
So, I left my pets to their own devices in our cozy home in Mystery Island,
since they're all old enough to pet-sit each other, and went out shopping. Shopping,
you ask? Well…I've noticed that music might charm the savage beast, but food
does it for a lot longer! Shidi's quest had given me some clues... so I started
with a hot thermos of mint tea, and some Sushi. To keep the Sushi cool until
I found the elusive Kasuki Lu, I bought a few non-magical (but still sooo tasty)
Chia Pops from one of the marketplace vendors.
So, with a thermos in one hand and a cooler full of raw fish and Chia Pops
in the other, I went off on my search. Since I hadn't seen him in any of the
food shops I'd visited, I figured he must be at the Battledome. I cringed, since
as a devoted Neopets Hippie I hadn't set foot in the BD in over a year... since
the Tyrannian War in fact. But as a journalist, this story was too important
to let personal qualms get in my way! I took a deep breath, and plunged into
the abyss of Neopet Carnage.
I could tell where Kasuki was fighting... I could feel the floor rumble as he
flattened his opponent with a push of his mighty belly! The pitiful howl of
defeat helped, too. I stood respectfully as I heard Kasuki rumble out of the
ring.
"Um... excuse me... Kasuki-san?" I asked respectfully. I figured a Sumo Chia
of his stature deserved an honorific!
"What, small non-wing person?" he asked in a voice that sounded, well... like
a Chia voice played at half speed. "You want your pets squish by Kasuki Lu?"
The dramatics in his pronunciation of his own name made me instinctively glance
around for lightning strikes or whinnying horses. Since there were none... I
continued. "No honoured Kasuki -san. It's just…." I paused, not sure how to
continue.
"Come to make fat jokes like everyone else?" Kasuki asked, his voice less
dramatic, more heavily laden in bitterness.
"No! No not at all... just... there's a Lupe stuck to your belly," I
said hurriedly. This was obviously no time to be delicate! The slightly flattened
Lupe was only semiconscious... and holding on for dear life!
"Oh. Arigato." Kasuki-San gave a little bow, which had the effect of dislodging
the Lupe, who was collected by his frightened-looking owner. Kasuki began to
walk away... so I decided to pull out the big guns. I unscrewed the top on the
thermos, and fanned the yummy minty tea fumes towards the Sumo Chia. He turned,
sniffing eagerly, and, just like in the cartoons, he seemed to drift back to
me on his little sandaled feet.
"Tea!" he said with a sigh. "You bring tea for Kasuki Lu!"
"And sushi!" I said with a smile, opening up the cooler and pushing aside
the Chia pops. "Would you like to sit somewhere and have a snack, Kasuki-San?"
"Mmmm. Sushi!" he said, before forcefully attacking my cooler. I dropped it
before he got to it... I figured that squishing Lupes must make you pretty hungry
and wasn't about to interfere.
"So, do you enjoy being a Sumo Chia?" I asked, pulling out my Dr. Sloth Grip
pen and pad of paper.
Kasuki was unresponsive for about three minutes. The only sounds that came
from him were sounds of gastronomic delight. I smiled, knowing all too well
how good a meal could be after a hard day. I guess the smile caught Kasuki-san's
eye. He stared at me, glowering like a Lava Ghoul... then out of nowhere burst
into tears.
"Oh Kasuki-San…" I said, kneeling by his quivering side. "I'm sorry."
"Every time I think someone be nice to Kasuki Lu they want to laugh! Like
wing lady and fat-jokes! They not know! Kasuki Lu not LIKE be made fun of... no
like buy sumo loincloths... because nothing else fit!" he sobbed.
My heart was touched. As someone capable of executing the Guinea Pig Dance
or the Truffle Shuffle with a grace and ease that is frightening to most, I
understood the slings and barbs of outrageous skinny people. Even though I knew
that Shidi hadn't meant to offend... it was obvious that so many others had.
"It's all right Kasuki-San," I said, sniffling a little myself in sympathy.
"I understand. Want to tell me about it? I've written a few stories for the
Neopian Times... and would love to tell about the REAL you! Maybe if people
hear what you're really like they won't be so quick to judge and laugh at you."
"You…" he took off his headband and blew his nose loudly. "Think so?"
"I think it can't hurt. Tell me about your childhood…" I said soothingly.
"But…" he paused, and stuffed a comforting roll of sushi in his mouth. "If
everyone knows, they will stop being afraid of me!"
"Is that really what you want, fear?"
The Chia Mountain sniffled again, and sighed. "It's all I have."
"Maybe we can fix that," I told him with a winning smile and a pat on the
shoulder.
Kasuki Lu gave another earthshaking sigh, and began his story.
"I was a very big baby Chia I weighed twice as much as any other Chia in the
nursery, and everyone noticed. I can still remember the nurses having to team
up to lift me... and one of them saying "Great Mother of Juppie! Are you sure
that's a baby?" It makes me cry, even now."
"You remember so far back?" I asked, amazed. Kasuki Lu nodded, and continued.
"I towered over the other Chias, even the older ones. The other little Chias
in Chiagarten would either be afraid of me and run away crying, or point their
arms at me and laugh... or try to beat me up. That's when I found out that I
could fight good. After Chiagarten I went to school with many different kinds
of pets. I got in trouble a lot. I didn't look for it... but nobody believed
me. I guess they thought that since I was so big, I MUST like to fight." He
sniffled, blew his nose and went on. "But even though I could squish even the
toughest Skeith, people still laughed at me. At school, even when I was walking
down the street. They said such mean things! That kid has an enormous future!
He'll do things of great GRAVITY. He'll be a Battledome fighter of huge proportions!
And then they laughed! They always laughed! Whyyyyyyy!!!!"
Kasuki broke into wailing that shook the trees around me, knocked over the empty
thermos, and made the Chia pops hop around like Fungrees. I wrapped my arm around
him as best I could, and tried to rock him back and forth. I managed to make
him shake a little bit... but it seemed to be enough. Kasuki Lu regained his
composure, and, after another trumpet-call nose blowing, went on with his story.
"That's when I decided that I WOULD be a great Chia Sumo! I'd show them all!
They made fun of me... they made me feel so bad! And that made me SO MAD! I
decided I would make THEM feel bad! I would squish them in the Battledome...
then come in and EAT ALL THEIR FOOD! And I do! Especially that little guy in
the hamburger shaped shop... he's been making fun of me since Chiagarten!" He
said with grim satisfaction.
"But does it really make you happy, Kasuki-San?" I asked, looking up at him
in new wonder and sympathy. "Does it really?"
"No… not really. I don't want to squish people in the Battledome forever.
I'm…" he paused. "Saving up."
"For what, Kasuki-San?" I asked, genuinely curious.
"A... flower shop. I want to move to Mystery Island where I can pick pretty
tropical flowers all day! Kasuki Lu means "delicate flower"…I love flowers,"
he admitted with a blush.
I smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "When you do, let me know. I live
on Mystery Island and will be your first customer. But... there's two things
that are confusing me, Kasuki-San," I admitted.
"Oh? Like what?" he asked, his eyes narrowing a little warily.
I gave him a reassuring smile. "Well... firstly, on your Trading Card it says
that you've been in training since you were two, and you say it happened after
Chiagarten."
Kasuki chuckled a little. "I told them that so my enemies would fear me... and
collectors would want my card! What's the other thing?"
"Well... you're talking to me so different now than you did when we first met…
and differently than you do to everyone else I bet. Why?" I asked, though I
had a feeling I knew the answer.
"Why should I waste words on people who already think I'm fat and stupid?"
he said with an expansive shrug. "And I'm wondering one thing too."
"What's that, Kasuki-San?"
"What's your name?"
"Lysshu," I replied, sticking out my hand.
"Bless you!" he said. I was about to explain, but then he took my hand, and
shook it with a smile as big as his heart.
So there you have it, another perfect example of why you can't judge a book
by its cover. The battle cry bellowing, fear-inspiring, Skeith-squishing Kasuki
Lu is really a sweet, flower-loving Chia who's just scarred by the sharp words
of others. Of course, if you go to fight him… expect to get creamed, but if
you see him other places, try being nice, and offering him a Chia Pop. | 
