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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 26th day of Hunting, Yr 21
The Neopian Times Week 47 > Short Stories > The Acara Criminal

The Acara Criminal

by petmaster616

"MR. DRACONNIS2000!!!!!!!!" screamed Ms. Meercah (a yellow Meerca with a huge wart below her nose) screamed. I woke up immediately. "Now, if you are finished sleeping, I would like to continue our lesson on the cost of the Battledome."

"But, I'm not finished sleeping yet!!!" I replied. Everyone in the class started to laugh.

"Now I would like someone to come up and read their report on why the Battledome costs too much Neopoints," said Ms. Meercah. She saw Shaty_20301, my best friend folding an origami nose with origami boogers inside, while chewing on bubble gum. "Mr. Shaty_20301, why don't you go first?" snapped Ms. Meercah. Suddenly, he stopped staring. He quickly ran up to the front of the class.

"Uh, what are we doing?" he asked.

"We - are - waiting - for - you - to- present - your - REPORT!!!!!" screamed the angry teacher.

"Oh, uh yeah, uh, you know Ms. Meercah, that dress really fits you! It looks just like you're warty - I mean your wart is pretty! Um, wait, let's start over, uh, my Ms. Meercah! You look like a tongue and a wart - I mean pretty pimple - I mean simple yeah! Simple! A pimply tongue and a simple wart!" Shaty had obviously said the wrong thing.

"SHATY!!! GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!" screamed the pimply Meerca.

"Uh, right!" I could tell by his face he hadn't done the assignment. "Um, the Battledome, uh costs too much because, uh, the Shop Wizard is crazy and gives us bad deals on weapons," said Shaty.

Ms. Meercah frowned and the smiled again. "Can you guess what D minus stands for?" said the teacher with a wicked grin across her face.

"D minuses can stand? WOW! Can they do gymnastics too?" asked Shaty.

"OUT!!!" shouted Ms. Meercah, pointing to the principal's office, which was right across the hall. "Okay, Draconnis, read your report," she said to me in a revoltingly sweet voice.

"Okay, uh, The Battledome is just a waste of time and money because people use up all their NP on it. Who'd want to go get their butts kicked just so they can display: played: # won: #… So you can see why it's so dumb. Wasting 3,000 NP on a stupid Codestone? 3,000 NP on a fairy? 27 million NP on a Hubrid's Odial Sphere? Thinking about it makes me want to puke over the sink." That was my report. I actually thought that the Battledome was an exciting place, and worth the NP, but I just said what I did because I knew Ms. Meercah would really like it.

"Superb!!!!! You ought to have an A plus!" said Ms. Meercah. Everyone knows I did that just to get the grade. "Next up is Mr. K-Mr. uh Kak? Puh, what a stoooooopid name!" My friend zZ_kakarot_Zz went up and read his paper, glaring at Ms. Meercah. I noticed his hair was glowing a shade of gold.

"Uh, I think the Battledome's cool, and that it's worth the points, and it's great entertainment for really warty - I mean pimply - I mean big brown dot, I mean - " Ms. Meerca frowned and scribbled a "D-" on his report card.

"Okay Gregiry read your idiotic thang."

"Uh, the Battledome's okay, I guess. It is kinda worth the money." Read Gregiry lazily. Again, Ms. Meerca scribbled a "D-" on Gregiry's report card. Petmaster616 wouldn't be very happy because he demands good grades. He doesn't believe us that Ms. Meercah is a complete moron. She's always nice around owners. They also don't know she has a wart because she puts yellow powder on it, so it blends in with her fur. It takes about two hours to get the powder on though.

"All right, um Austria, come on," said Ms. Meercah like the dodo-brain she was.

"It's Austereich! Oh, my report, uh yeah," said Austereich, Gregiry's best, who is considerably older than he is. He rushed to his desk and ripped off a blank piece of paper from his notebook. He walked up to the front of the class, and shoved the piece of paper up my brother Dino_miteneo_2001's mouth. "Aw, Dino ate it!" he said.

"You get an F minus for not reading your report, and Dino gets and F minus because he ate your report," said Ms. Meercah in satisfaction. "Now I don't have time to listen to another one of you brats! So, I'll just continue on our lesson, by the way, all of you who didn't read gets and F minus because they didn't read." Then Ms. Meercah started talking about why Nimmos and Techos are disgusting and slimy. "They are so GROSS! Just thinking about them makes me feel like vomiting on one, and it wouldn't be surprising because anyone can mistaken one for a trash can…" she went. My cousin, frogdudette_2002 eventually tackled Ms. Meercah to the ground after 10 minutes of offensive language. I looked at the clock to see what time it was. 2:15, aw, another 45 minutes until class is over. Well, I could just speed up the process a bit. I quickly released a small jolt of the spark ability, at the clock. Immediately, it started to spin rapidly. Before I knew it, "it was already 3:00."

"Oh look Ms. Meercah, it's three o' clock already! Oh well, buh-bye!" I said. BRRIINNGG!!!!! (that wasn't the actual bell; it was my mini-radio playing the song "Playing the Song") Everyone prepared to dash out of the room like mad Kaus.

"Hold onto your Unis, I've got homework for you. Your assignment is to write a twelve-page essay on why I'm the best teacher in Neopia, and also write a five hundred and forty three-page essay on why Nimmos and Techos are really, really gross," said Ms. Dodo Brain. Then, Shaty came in the room. He wasn't looking very mad, so that means he shocked the principal again with his Improved Lightning Beam.

"Want to get a pizza?" I asked as we were heading out of school.

"Sure, but I don't have any money right now," he replied. I stuck my hands in my pocket, and pulled out 4,000 NP. "Awwwwww, you're so lucky! I never get more than 10 NP a week!" complained Shaty. Then I think he mumbled "Spoiled brat," We flew past the main shops into the Neopian Bazaar. We headed straight for Pizzaroo, the most popular main pizzeria (okay, so it was the only main pizzeria). It was shaped like a huge pizza. I went in and saw a green Blumaroo.

He said, "Hi-a! Wel-a coome to-a PiZZa-Roo! How-a may I help-a yooo?"

"Frank, it's me!" I said.

"Oh! Hi, what'll you be having?" he said.

I replied, "How about a regular slice and a water pizza?"

"Okay Connie," he said. He went to the back of the shop and then he brought two boxes, one containing a slice of regular pizza and the other containing the water pizza.

"2,321 please," he said.

I handed him 2,500 NP and said, "Keep the change. And my name's DRACONNIS!!"

"Whatever you say, Dradonna."

"GAH!" I screamed. Shaty and I went to my house. We headed for my room and started gobbling up all the pizza. "Ah, I'm so full, I won't have to eat for a year!" I said.

"Me neither -" Shaty paused. "- Nah!" Then I turned on the NeoTelevision. "The Adventures of SuperShoyruGuyMan" was on. We watched as SuperShoyruGuyMan battled the evil, Dr. Girly-Stuff! He was beaten. Then Dr. Girly-Stuff used his doll-THANG to summon every single villain so far in the series. There was, Kitty-Kat Girl, Bell-ossom, Cute-Boy, Vegetable-Woman, Safety Guard, Beautiful-girl, Princi-NOTpal, and last but not least, the villain who almost destroyed recess, Mr. HER! They all started charging towards SuperShoyruGuyMan. He used his Super Shoyru Anti-Veggie beam at Vegetable-Woman, but it didn't work! All of the enemies had Cute Boy Reflector Mirror Shields, and Improved Boredom Beams!

"You are no match for my ULTIMATE weapon!" He started to use his coolest weapon, the Superior Cool Beam ("WOW!" squealed Shaty)! It was reflected! Then the villains had him cornered. Vegetable-Woman combined her Cabbage-Gun with Beautiful-Girl's Good-Lookin' Powder MABOBBER! They shot a beam of Cabbage Powder at SuperShoyruGuyMan! How will he survive? He dodged it, but some of it got him, so he was starting to become a vegetarian! Then Safety Guard used his Improved Dull Boredom Dullsville Beam Drill (it was the Dull Dullsville Drill combined with the Improved Boredom Beam). It hit SuperShoyruGuyMan! He was now lame, pathetic, bored, and dull! The villains started to attack! How can SuperShoyruGuyMan defend when he was so boring (and dull)?

Suddenly a Kacheek news reporter came on, and said, "We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin. It appears that there was a criminal mastermind who has escaped from jail. He is armed and very dangerous. He is a level 13 red Acara set to destroy all dog-type Neopets like the Gelerts, and Lupes! If you are a Gelert or Lupe, BE AFRAID!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! We will now return to the regular scheduled programming." Then The Adventures of SuperShoyruGuyMan came back on, but the whole thing was over already. The credits were showing. Shaty was sobbing out loud.

"Gulp..." We looked behind us to see who gulped. It was my brother, Gregiry. He was whimpering.

"Uh, I think he heard the news broadcast," said Shaty.

"Don't worry, we have Clinking Cans as our security! No one can get in through that!" I said. With that, I think Gregiry looked a LOT worse. CLINK! I quickly used the Lava Split ability, and shot magma outside. Then Shaty's sister Lawhi34 (now toasted) came in. Bad Timing.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! It's the Acara Criminal! IT'S EVERY PET and petpet FOR HIMSELF!" yelled Gregiry holding Frosty. He took out his Gelert Wand and shot a bolt of fire at Lawhi.

"Some idiot fired molten lava at me when I came in and now I'm toasted even more! That's no way to treat a guest," said Lawhi while spitting ash.

"Actually, that's what you should do every time Lawhi comes!" Shaty said.

"Ha-ha, very funny Mr. 'I'm the colour of pee'."

"Why I oughta -"

"- Be flushed down the toilet!" continued Lawhi. Then Shaty and Lawhi started fighting. Meanwhile, I wanted to give Gregiry a toy to play with. He used to have a bone toy, but my brother Dino ate it, thinking it was a real bone. I didn't have anything, so, I went to the Battledome and stole Flaming Meerca's Fire Frisbee.

"Hey that's mine!" complained Flaming Meerca.

"Ah, Shat Ap you big ball o' hot air!"

I went back to our house and I let Gregiry play with it. He really liked it, but he got unhealthier every time he touched it. I watched as his HP meter showed his hit points gradually sinking to 0. I went to get a healing potion, but Shaty knocked Healing Potion X over while he was fighting, so I blew him and Lawhi away using Gregiry's Ultra Bubble Beam. I went back into the living room, and used my Great Feast ability to heal Gregiry. I decided that it was too dangerous to play with the Frisbee, so I took him to the park. We saw Lawhi and Shaty still fighting at the entrance. We played a game of "Let Draconnis2000 Hold the Fire Frisbee and Watch Him Burn to Ashes", but in the end, we decided to rename the game to "Let Draconnis2000 Hold the Fire Frisbee and Watch It Sit There and Not Make Draconnis2000 Burn to Flames Because We Made A Mistake And Forgot That He Was Immune to Fire".

Then we went swimming. "Do I have to get in the water?" I complained.

"Yes," replied Gregiry. Very reluctantly, I walked to the edge of the water. Once in, Gregiry started splashing at me.

"I'LL KEEL YOU!" I screamed. What happened next was too violent, so I'll just skip that part…

Next, we played Cheat! (which I'm really good at). I reckon Gregiry wouldn't have lost as badly if Dino hadn't been helping him so much.

Finally, we had a competitive game of Kacheek-Seek. When I was hiding, Gregiry took 3,090,309,002 tries to find me. I don't think we got much Neopoints from that… Exhausted, I bought some ice cream, and Gregiry bought a bone. We were eating away happily (okay, so really we ate worried). All of a sudden, I heard a rumbling in the bushes. I saw two Acara ears poking out, two red Acara ears. I hoped it was Lawhi. I saw Lawhi and Shaty still fighting at the gate entrance (and I think I heard Shaty saying a bad word). It had to be The Acara Criminal. I hoped Gregiry didn't notice it. Whew, he didn't, I thought. I kept staring at it. To prepare, I took out my Moon Staff, and I also charged up a bolt of the Grand Lightning Beam.

The Acara Criminal jumped out and threw a snowball at Gregiry. Luckily he was equipped with the Iced Wand. The snowball froze and shattered into pieces when it hit the concrete sidewalk. I used my Moon Staff to shoot a beam of moonlight at the Acara Criminal. Well, that was really helpful, I thought to myself. I used The Purple Blob Potion Jhudora the Dark Faerie gave me (she said something about taking over Faerie Land when she handed it over). Then, The Acara Criminal was stuck on a tire swing. I used my Fiery Gaze ability to make the Acara Criminal think that a Gelert and a Lupe saved his life, and a yellow Meerca with a huge wart below her nose threw a coconut cream pie at him, and that he was allergic to coconut (what? I was in a hurry, I couldn't think of a better story!). Finally, I used the Twisting Vines ability to throw him in jail. When I got home, I just plopped down on my bed.

"Okay, today we will be discussing the Alphabet. It goes, I, M, D, #1, M, EE, R, C, A! U, R, B, R, A, T, S," said Ms. Meercah the next day at school.

"You said A twice! And #1 isn't a letter!" pointed out Shaty.

"It is if I say it is!" screamed the old hag.

"Now I am going to show you a TV show called, 'Why Techos and Nimmos are slimy, disgusting, and very, very, insignificant'," continued Ms. Meerca.

"Chapter LXVII: Grossness Part: LXVII Nimmos are slimy and gross. They like to eat Chewing Dung. Their natural habitat is in a swamp in Mystery Island. Their scientific name is Nimmo-us arus Grossius andus Disgustus. An average Nimmo has 5.65 inches of mud all over its filthy face…" went a narrator.

Then a Blumaroo came on the screen. "We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin. The Acara Criminal has escaped again. This time, he is after yellow Meercas with huge warts below their noses (Hoe do we know what he's after - A note in his cell - DUH!). So, all Meercas with huge warts below their noses BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *If you are a yellow Meerca with a huge wart below your nose, and fear the Acara, please call 555-555-DOOM for your funeral arrangements*

Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Lawhi. She was late for school. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Ms. Meercah like a sissy while running away and tripping on her ugly rag of a dress, and crashing into a telephone booth. "It's the killer Acara!"

"WHAT? I'm not having that bad of a hair day!" said Lawhi, feeling offended. I thought to myself, I have got to get me one of those Magical Red Acara Plushies…

The End

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