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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 22nd day of Eating, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 37 > Short Stories > Caiie and Charm in: The Spatula of Doom!

Caiie and Charm in: The Spatula of Doom!

by _smoothcriminal

The moon rose brilliantly in the dark night sky. Lupes were starting to howl. It was almost midnight, and in a certain (and dreaded) part of Neopia, a throng of insane Gelerts was having a cook out. There were three spotlights set up in a Kau field around a wooden picnic table. Some jazzy music with a Latin beat was blaring. The Gelerts were getting down, and doin' all sorts of dances, freakin' out the neighbouring Kaus and such.

Tim was cooking the patties. He was a Christmas Gelert wearing a funky cook's hat. He was also wearing a pink apron that said, "Kiss the Cook". He had a macho expression slapped across his handsome face as he tended the hamburgers. He flipped them onto a large plate and brought them to the picnic table. "A-DINNER IS SERVED!" he announced

A female cloud Gelert looked up from her mambo and yelled to her darling, "YAAAY!" Caiiemis (that very same cloud Gelert) slammed her paws down on the table. She was Tim's mate. Quite dashing, with purple eyes and a golden paw from a paint brush accident. Charm, another Gelert thumped down besides her. Charm was a sparkly golden Gelert (she had a part in that paint brush accident…), and was Caiie's best buddy in all of Neopia. She was about the friendliest Gelert you could ever meet.

"Oh joy! A good day's spoils!!" Charm laughed. Janu, Charm's daughter sat down on the other side of the table

"Arf... indeed, mother!" Janu cackled. She was a slim Christmas Gelert with a devilish air about her. Jupu, an electric Gelert and Caiie's son sat down next to Janu (who just happened to be his beloved girlfriend).

"SMERCHLE-BUNNY!" Jupu yelled as he threw his arms around a laughing Janu. Drumi, a strawberry Gelert and also Caiie and Tim's son thumped down next to his brother.

I wish I had a girlfriend, thought Drumi as he reached for a patty. A lanky golden Gelert with an interesting accent, Gami sat down next to Caiie. Gami was her adopted son.

Heh, Drumi'll neva' get a gelfriend, he thought.

My, thought Caiiemis, tilting her head to one side and thinking typical doggie thoughts, I'm hungry.

"Do you like my new apron?" Tim asked proudly as he popped a burger into his mouth.

"It's great Dad!" Jupu commented. But you could never catch me -dead- in that unstylish thing... he thought after he said it. Jupu was the disco king. He knew all the latest styles-and sadly, Tim's spiffy apron wasn't on the list yet.

"Thanks, son!" Tim ruffled Jupu's hair.

"So guys, wassaaap?" Charm said happily, wagging her shiny tail as she poured herself some diet Neocola.

"Nurfin!" Tim yelled, his voice muffled by the patty. Gami was fighting with Drumi for the chips.

"So…" Jupu said. There was a lull in the talking.

"The sky... talk about blue..." Janu started up a conversation hopefully.

The others nodded and disregarded the fact that the sky was not exactly blue, but more a blackish colour, as it was the middle of the night. "You guys know any way to make money?" asked Caiie, also trying to think of small talk. "Grundo's gym just got torn down…"

"Yeah... We need to figure out how to make some quick, easy cash!" Charm agreed. Money was getting harder to get for a bunch of lazy Gelerts like them those days. Hmmn... I could inherit a fortune from a rich relative, Charm thought to herself. Nahh... I don't have any rich relatives.

I wonder if Charm has any rich relatives... thought Tim.

Well I just said I didn't! thought Charm

Oh, thought Tim.

Hey mum! thought Janu. How come we're thinking this instead of saying it?

I don't know dear... Charm thought.

Caiiemis joined in by thinking, Mysteries of life.

Freaky, added Tim as an afterthought. Jupu, Drumi and Gami just looked at each other and shrugged.

Boys... thought Janu, rolling her eyes. Jupu looked at her suspiciously.

Caiiemis had piled up a stack of food on her plate. It was approximately three feet tall.

"Muahahah!" she howled and dug in. Everyone paused and looked up from their meal to watch.

"How can you eat so much Aunt Caiie?" Janu asked.

"How can you not?" asked Drumi, digging into his own stack. The rest of them didn't say anything but made faces at each other.

The cook out continued and the air was genial. But unbeknownst to the Gelerts, evil was lurking… right beside them! On the barbecue, the spatula Tim had so fondly used to flip the patties was actually an evil mastermind! You never would have guessed, eh? Well, not only was this spatula an evil mastermind, but it was magical too. In fact, it was the very same.. SPATULA OF DOOM that had nearly taken over Neopia many years ago, but historians thought it to silly to write down in your history books. Anyway, while the Gelerts were partying, the spatula was thinking its evil conniving spatula-ish thoughts.

Ah yes, The Spatula of Doom thought quickly to itself (as spatulas tend to do). I am feeling evil tonight. I think it's time to wreak havoc! Soon ALL of NEOPIA will dread my name... The Spatula of Doom!' The spatula paused to laugh evilly in it's spatula voice before it continued its plan. I'll be famous! Everyone will fear me... starting with these Gelerts... and thus, the evil spatula began to think out its devious scheme.

Back at the cook out table:

"Ded you goiys 'ear evil laughta' just naow?" Gami wanted to know as he twitched his ears.

Jupu nodded. "I think it came from the barbecue," the electric Gelert said.

"The barbie?!" Tim asked in horror and looked over towards his barbecue. Big mistake. The Spatula of Doom was hovering right in front of the cooking appliance. It was glowing purple, and had evil little glowing red eyes. The Gelerts laughed at the sight. They found it comical. Trust me, so would you.

"Oooh!" Jupu said, fascinated.

"Freaky..." Janu added with a giggle.

"Some trick," said Drumi, nodding his strawberry-ish head

"How'd ya manage to do that one, Dad?" Tim merely blinked

"I... didn't," he said.

Caiie had a sweat drop over her head. She didn't like this. Actually, she didn't like anything that hovered in the air and cackled evilly--except her beloved Barbat and her sister Hoku. Charm was just staring at The Spatula of Doom with large eyes. The kitchen utensil laughed again in its maniacal metallic voice.

"What's wrong? Never seen an evil talking spatula?" it taunted.

"Of course we have," Jupu rolled his eyes

"Oi haven't," Gami admitted. Sarcasm didn't exist back wherever he came from.

Janu nudged him. "Joke," she said.

"Aaii," Gami nodded, pretending to understand.

Meanwhile, The Spatula of Doom was being ignored. And it wasn't used to it. Back in its prime, no NeoPet would dare to give it the silent treatment, but alas, by this time it was just a senile old utensil that loved to derive evil plots.

"Excuse me!" yelled the spatula (for it was very offended). The Gelerts paused and looked back to the crazed inanimate object, which made a throat clearing noise--wait a minute… spatulas don't have throats... oh well. "AHEM!! You will pay for not showing your proper respect!"

"To a spatula?" Janu wanted to know.

"Why?" Drumi agreed with Janu.

"Mooooo..." Mooed a random Kau as it grazed by. The spatula was furious. The rude Kau was the last straw. These daft NeoPets would pay for insulting The Spatula of Doom!

A dark purple smoke surrounded the spatula. It was attempting to look very foreboding. Of course it only managed to look sillier then before. But then, there was a flash of light! The Gelerts were temporarily blinded and when they looked back, The Spatula of Doom was gone. They were again all alone in the Kau field.

"That was scarring..." Charm commented with a sweat drop. Caiiemis nodded.

"Freaky spatula... thinks it owns the world!" the cloud Gelert said, putting a paw on her hip. Of course, Caiie and Charm had encountered much more strange things together, but they were in a melodramatic mood.

Tim was the one who first noticed that the kids were gone.

"Jupu? Drumi? Janu? Gami?" he said tilting his head to one side and calling attention to the fact that the youngsters were missing. And thus, a great search began in the dark Kau field.

"Janu! Where are you dear?" Charm called as she searched by the picnic table.

"Jupuuuu! Druuuuumi!" Tim was scouting near the barbecue, which was still sizzling.

"Gaaaammii!!" Caiie cried and looked under a pebble. "I can't find them anywhere!" she called back to Charm and Tim

"It's hopeless!" They agreed. The friends flopped themselves down in distress and began to ponder. Meanwhile, the magical spatula had teleported the four younger Gelerts to his Secret Kitchen Lair. The group was a bit discombobulated as they had never been teleported anywhere before, let alone an evil spatula's evil hide out.

"So…" a voice said to the pups. Naturally it was The Spatula of Doom.

"Are you scared yet?" Let's just say if kitchen utensils could handle flashlights, the spatula would of had one pointing up into its creepy face.

"What are you going to do to us?!" Janu demanded angrily.

The spatula thought to itself for a while. Then came up with another evil scheme. "I'm going to force you to eat every patty I flip! THEN you'll be sorry! And I'LL be famous!" It cackled as it imagined the headline on The Neopian Times: EVIL SPATULA FORCE FEEDS GELERTS, NEOPIA IN STATE OF PANIC

But Jupu slammed into The Spatula of Doom's reverie. "That's… the stupidest plan I've ever heard!" he stuttered. Gami and Drumi bobbed their heads in agreement.

"Yore telling me…" said Gami to Jupu, and then turned to The Spatula of Doom "Yore s'posed to 'old us fer ransom an' such!" Gami sighed, a bit disappointed that his captor was so unorthodox. Drumi shot Gami a look to say he was insane to give the evil spatula ideas. But luckily, the creative villain had his own plots, and was going to stick to them. He silently levitated over to his own custom barbecue and turned up the heat, ready to start flipping patties.

Back at the Kau field, Caiie, Charm and Tim had decided that they would have to go places other than the field to find their children. It was also decided that Tim would keep a close watch on the Barbie while the two girls collected the kids. So, with all these decisions made, Charm and Caiiemis set out on their quest. They didn't say anything as they walked, for they had determination on their mind, and nothing else! Well, actually, they didn't talk because of their strange telepathic powers they had found at the cook out.

Handy, Caiie thought to Charm as they trotted around the outskirts of the haunted forest.

Yeah really... strange though, Charm said in telepathy.

GAAHHH! HELP! a thought said in Caiie's mind

Uhh... Charm?

Wasn't me... thought the golden Gelert.

Then... who was it? Caiie thought conspicuously.

Charm blinked and looked at Caiiemis before saying in her regular voice. "I think it was Janu!"

Suddenly, and conveniently, the two newbie-psychics could hear their children's thoughts!

Mum? Can you hear me? It's Jupu!

Jupu! Caiie cried telepathically.

You've gotta help us! The evil spatula is--Jupu cut off in mid-sentence. The reason (though Charm and Caiie didn't know it) was that the spatula had just forced Janu to eat a burger, and Jupu's train of thought had plummeted at the sight.

Way've been kidnapped boi that spachala!' said Gami's telepathic vibe.

Gami! Why, you even THINK in an accent! Caiie was in wonder. Charm (the smarter one) thought to ask Gami where they were.

Where are you?! But Gami had just been force-fed a patty as well.

Luckily, Drumi was able to finish: At the spatula's secret kitchen lair!

Caiie and Charm blinked. Well where is THAT? But there was no returning voice. The two best friends were puzzled when their minds suddenly filled with incoming telepathic messages and images of hamburgers.

"That was really scary…" Charm said in her regular voice. Caiie nodded and also decided to quit with the freaky psychic-ness.

"We better find them! And soon!" The two nodded at each other and dashed into the haunted woods.

"This place is enormous!!" Caiie yelled as she dodged a tree branch.

"Where are we ever gonna find a secret lair!?" panted Charm. Suddenly there was a steep drop. The two Gelerts yelled in surprise as they rolled down the hill and landed with a thump at the bottom. They slowly got to their feet and looked around.

It was a large clearing, and not so very much different from the rest of the forest except for one prominent feature. There was a quaint cottage smack dab in the middle. The little house had a huge neon sign above it that read in large bold print "THE SPATULA OF DOOM'S -SECRET- KITCHEN LAIR". Various other blinking and flashing signs pointed to the door reading things such as "TOP SECRET!", "CLASSIFIED!" and "CONFIDENTIAL!" The two buddies looked at each other and sweat dropped raising their eyebrows.

"Ooookaaaayyy," said Charm.

"Convenient," shrugged Caiie, and they ran up and kicked down the door. The two were astounded and angered to see their kids on the floor gagging.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH OUR CHILDREN?" they yelled in a synchronised matter. The spatula screamed in surprise upon their entrance (it was a girly scream, as most spatulas' screams are).

"How did you find me?!" They spatula flung itself against the back wall in fear.

"It was kind of obvious…" Charm sighed. The two ran over to the kids.

"What happened to you guys?!" Caiiemis asked.

"Force fed us burgers," Janu whispered hoarsely, her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Caiie gasped.

"They wa good a' first…bu' then it was too many!" groaned Gami. Jupu and Drumi just moaned.

"You're gonna pay for this!" Charm yelled at the spatula.

"Yeah!" Caiie growled. "OK… spatulas are weak when they are…?" The cloud Gelert asked her friend.

"...Rusted!" Charm chimed. They looked at each other and winked. The spatula made a gulping noise in fear.

"SLOBBER POWER!! ^O^" The Gelerts high-foured each other.

"NO! NOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I'm sorry!" sobbed The Spatula of Doom, a desperate frown on its spatulistic face. "Please! I'll do anything!"

"Anything…? Well we do have a position you could take for us…" Caiie smiled slyly and Charm nodded.

"A title of great prestige!" the gold Gelert said proudly. The spatula looked slightly interested.

"Is 'evil' in the title?"

"Sure!" said Caiiemis, too quickly.

"Of course it is!" Charm agreed

"Well, what is it?" The spatula asked

"Weellll," Caiie's voice trailed off.


Tim sulked as he sat at the picnic table in the middle of the Kau field. "I don't see why it's better then I am.." But Caiie laughed and hugged him.

"He's not! You're da best chef in the world. We just get to spend even more time with you!" The cloud Gelert said happily. Charm nodded as she ate a Tchea fruit.

"Well... I suppose it's okay…" Charm and Caiie giggled. Over at the barbecue, Janu, Drumi, Gami, and Jupu were keeping a close vigil on the previously called 'Spatula of Doom'. It was wearing a little chef's hat, and was flipping the patties diligently.

"Faster!" demanded Drumi

"Flip those patties!" Jupu nodded sternly. The old spatula sighed unhappily.

"When I said anything, I never imagined this," it pouted.

But Caiiemis had insisted, and it was better then being rusted. The spatula sighed again and flipped over another patty. Besides, even if I AM The Official UN-Evil Eternal Fry Cook of Charm and Caiie Forever I can still come up with schemes. Yes, that's what I'll do! And I'll begin right away... I'll eventually come to be feared and famous! I'll rule the entire planet!' But then The Official UN-Evil Eternal Fry Cook of Charm and Caiie Forever's thoughts were interrupted. Charm had sloshed some of her Neocola over in its direction. The Official UN-Evil Eternal Fry Cook of Charm and Caiie Forever barely dodged the rust enhancing liquid.

I wouldn't try that, the mind-reading golden Gelert's telepathic thought popped up in the spatula's tiny little mind.

Or not... sighed the spatula to itself, and retired to re-flip the patties. Charm winked impishly at The Official UN-Evil Eternal Fry Cook of Charm and Caiie Forever before turning back to her two friends. Tim and Caiie were each wearing a huge grin.

"Well guys," Caiiemis laughed, her purple eyes dancing as she slammed her golden paw down on the table. "Looks like it's gonna be a great summer!"

The End... or is it?!

*dramatic suspense music*

How'd those Gelerts suddenly get telepathy? And how did the pups survive the torture? And what is Tim's favourite word?!?! ALL QUESTIONS AND MORE ANSWERED IN THE SEQUEL! If there is one... T_T;;

Author's Note: Thankies to my buddy animegirlkay for bunches of help with the plot! All Gelerts belong to their respective owners!

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