So You Want to Be... a Frustrated Writer by taipeiss | |
Chained to a tree in the woods - Hey everyone, and welcome to the first
time I've been published in months! You're probably wondering why I'm chained
to this tree, and the answer is quite simple: If I weren't, my frustration would
have torn down every tree in Neopia. Why am I frustrated? Because I'm a "writer".
Yeah, sure makes no sense, but you wouldn't either if squirrels tried to hide
acorns in your hair. Except squirrels don't exist, so... so here's an article
on how YOU can be a flustered writer, too!
This first method is quite time and confidence consuming, which is fine if
you're a very shiny clock. Why a shiny clock, you ask? Because then you'd MAKE
time, and how can you not be confident when you're all shiny? Um, yeah... so,
say a monumental issue is coming out in just a week, and you want to get in!
To start off, start brainstorming a bunch of uber-spiffy topics that you're
sure haven't been done in the longest time, and think up some all-new viewpoints
on each one. Take just little time to type them all out and revise them. Pick
one in particular and put the most work into it, even if it just so happens
to be the single cliché in the bunch. Then send them all out. Now you wait...
and wait some more... and... oh look! That Neopian Times is out! Now you open
up the copy and find that NONE of your pieces got in! Woo! Huzzah for frustration!
This route is pretty great too: Think up two different topics, one of them
really cool and fun, the other kinda lame. Then write both of them, spending
lots of emotion and energy on the cool one, and just kinda jab at the lame one
until it's finished. Put the lame one on the back burner until you've absolutely
perfected the super cool one. In fact, just for fun, let's leave that waste
of typing there to sit for weeks, even months. Watch your really cool article
get rejected. Finally, remember that you had that dumb thing somewhere and dig
it up. Brush over it and send it in, laughing to yourself that this rejection
letter can go next to the last one. Now do some waiting... open the Times...
and look! The article that you were almost sure was going to get tossed back
at your face? That thing that makes you wish you never wrote it? It's in!
Ah, here's a wonderful classic for you. You've got an incredibly spiffy and
creative idea all typed up and perfect, and you're sure that it's the coolest
thing since Faerie Moltenores. Oh yeah, and it just happens to be Sunday. No
problem, you'll just get it in next week. Now take a nice break and read what
the NT has for you this week... oh great. Look at that on page three! Look at
it! It's pretty much the same thing that you just wrote. What's the point of
even sending the thing in, if it's near identical to something already published?!
Hey, do you have one of those stress ball things? If you haven't gotten one
yet, I'd recommend you get five.
Perhaps you've started writing a really neat short story, and suddenly all
these ideas for it come flooding in. The next thing you know, it's a huge series!
Congratulations! Work in every neat idea you had, making the plot kick major
Pant Devil bottom. Add in a bunch of in-depth descriptions, making the world
you create vivid and almost tangible. Then throw in that tiny detail that the
back of your mind is saying, "Nope, I don't think they'll allow that." Block
out that voice. Listen to the other voice, the one telling you to "Eat at Joe's!"
After you've polished the entire series to a brilliant shine, and finished that
sandwich, send it in. Hey look! REJECTION! Yeah, you could just go back and
take that tiny part out, but you were so confident that you erased the whole
thing from your computer! Genius!
"That's all fine and dandy," you say, "but what else can I do to insure that
I've yanked out every last strand of my hair?" Simple! Have something happen
in your life that touches you strongly, and figure out a way to convert it to
Neopia. Write out a few paragraphs, filling it with feeling and emotion... then
realize that you've written yourself into a corner and there's no way that you
can make this work. Toss it into the recycle bin, lather, rinse, and repeat.
Now that we've gotten some of the major stresses down, let's go for a slightly
smaller one. Find something to rant about based on personal, Neopian experience,
and start typing it out. Run yourself down until you've got everything on the
screen. Then do a word count and realize that you're two hundred words short.
What do you do from there? Hah, add in how annoying that is!
Okay, I think I'm sane now. There are very few writers out there who don't
go through dry spells or watch what, in their opinion is a great piece of writing,
get tossed back at them. In fact, if there IS any author out there who doesn't,
point me to them. I've got some major tongue-sticking-out to do. The fact is,
it's annoying when you've thrown everything you've got at a wall, and nothing
even makes a dent. Sure, you could quit trying. Or you can just keep typing
and hope that your writer's block gets the picture and takes a long jump off
of a short, yet tall, tree. Short as in short across the top. Yeah, because
if it was just short, and not tall, then the block could climb back up. That'd
be bad. And speaking of trees... does anyone have the key to the lock on this
chain? I'd like to get out of this forest of frustration sometime soon. Hello?
Are you there? No, don't leave! Are you going for help? Please come back! AHHH!
ACORNS IN MY HAIR! THE INSANITY!
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