Lame Gaming: A Guide to Neopia's Best (and Worst) Games by saracroft |  |
GAMES ROOM - Want more Neopoints? Of course, we all do! Unfortunately, wanting
Neopoints and earning Neopoints are two very different things. And, as most
everybody knows, the primary NP-earning facet of our beloved NeoWorld, are its
games.
So which games are worth your trip, and which should you skip? Today I will
be taking you on a grand tour of fifteen of Neopia's most profitable, most enjoyable,
and most deliberately infuriating games. Whether you're in it for the fun, or
for the funds, I think you'll find this handy-dandy NeoGuide most informative.
o Puzzles o
Brain-bending fun, or brain-racking fury?
The puzzles are, by far, my favorite gaming genre. They can stretch your mind
to its thinking limits, or aggravate you to the point of no return. Here is
my favorite, and least favorite, Neo-puzzles.
-Cellblock-
I have found this particular game to be unusually
difficult and infuriating, but hey! That's me. The rules confused me; the goal
just stumped me. If this beguiling puzzle were at all profitable, I really wouldn't
know... I've never completed so much as a single level. Visually it appears
to be a black grid with four tiny icons in its center. As the game progresses
the icons do not move as pawns in a game of chess would, but rather multiply!
Whatever it is that you're supposed to do with these strange pieces, is simply
beyond me. Unless confusion is your thing, this is one angering masterpiece
that I'd suggest you stay clear of. Of all the games I've loved before, Cellblock
receives the Saracroft Award for worst game.
-Cliffhanger-
*Phew* Now that we've got that out of the way... While you don't make much currency
playing this all-too-easy word game, you can find your NeoPet growing ever smarter!
An incredibly simple-almost to the point of being stupid about it-variation
of the classic hangman puzzle. Simply click the letters to complete the sentence
(Wheel of Fortune, Neo-style). Select the wrong letter, however, and send a
pathetically lost Tuskaninny to his icy doom. Choose from three levels of difficulty
including Easy [all letters of the alphabet are available for play], Average
[twenty-two letters of the alphabet are available for play] and Hard [eighteen
letters of the alphabet are available for play]. Overall, not a bad game. If
you're looking for easy money than this is the puzzle for you!
-Destruct-O-Match-
I am not ashamed to admit that this particular puzzle is my all-time favorite
Neo-game. It's colorful, fast-paced, and fun. Simply knock out the colored blocks
by stacking squares of the same shade on top of, or next to, one another. Knock
out as many blocks as you can using as few clicks as possible. Eliminate all
of the squares in the level, and receive a hefty bonus! I've been able to earn
as much as fourteen hundred Neopoints in a single day on this one game alone.
Maybe you can earn even more!
-Faerie Caves/Ice Caves Puzzle-
Wanna get really aggravated? Play one of these beguiling wastes of time! Guide
Garon the Lupe through a relatively simple-looking maze that's been conveniently
littered with impossible traps. Just when you think you've completed the level...
think again. I actually, by some divine miracle, made it to the second level
of the Ice Caves Puzzle, but I couldn't finish a single Faerie Caves level.
These games are lengthy, troublesome, and they do NOT pay for themselves.
-Gadgadsgame-
By far one of Neopia's best games! The only downfall to this intriguing puzzle
is the time with which it takes to play it. In order to rack up any sort of
a score at all, you must be willing to devote half-an-hour or more to each play.
This game, like Destruct-O-Match, involves the stacking of colored items on
top of, or next to, one another. This time, however, you'll be working with
fruit instead of stone blocks. The goal of this game is to keep the towers of
fruit from reaching the top of the grid. To do this you must arrange the fruit
into same-colored group-lets and then blow them up using special fuse fruit
(fruits with fuses in them ^_^)! Both entertaining and profitable... that is,
of course, if you have the time and patience to outlast the towering fruit!
-Meristones-
Yet another most excellent gaming experience. Grab a handful of stones and drop
them, one at a time, into the wooden cups (one stone per cup). If you can manage
to accumulate a greater cache of stones in your home cup than your opponent
does (a fiercely annoyed Draik with a hot temper) you win! This particular style
of puzzling amusement has been around since Ancient Egypt and its powerful Pharaohs,
and though it isn't exactly the most intense or elaborate game in Neopia (or
the world), it is fun and challenging. It's simple, enjoyable, and you can make
some cool pointage while you're at it. My advice to you... play Meristones.
Meristones
o Action o
If you're gaming cup of tea tends to lean more toward action games than word
puzzles, then it's time to check out these hot Neopian adventures!
-Carnival of Terror-
Remember those old carnival games where you had to shoot the racing duckies
with the popgun to win the annoyingly large teddy bear? Well the duckies are
back! This time, however... they're clowns. Shoot the smiling menaces as they
race across the Haunted Fairgrounds; don't get hit in the face with the cream
pies... they're toxic. Personally, I've always believed that clowns were evil.
This game just confirms my theory. While this game isn't my favorite, I don't
have anything bad to say about it either. If you love the arcade but can't stand
clowns, then break out the popgun... it's time to play Carnival of Terror!
-Doubloon Disaster-
Though it may be a terribly easy way to earn pointage, DD is a bit of a disaster
itself. Guiding your life-rafting Krawk through a mysterious square-shaped ocean
in search of stray doubloons, you tend to make fierce enemies with each collected
coin. Coins range in value from 2 to 200 points, and while it is a profitable
pastime, the game is over much to quickly and the action simply isn't fierce
enough to wet your gaming whistle. In short: Doubloon Disaster simply didn't
quench my action thirst.
-Escape from Meridell Castle-
I really enjoy this game. It's a classic good
time. Guide the mighty Draik warrior through a dreadful castle filled with fearsome
enemies and deadly traps. Collect the coinage to win the pointage. While the
graphics are lacking and our feisty title character is a little sluggish, the
game is-overall-worth the load time. When all is said and done, Escape from
Meridell Castle is a pretty righteous action experience.
-Grand Theft Ummagine-
It's not hard to see why this nifty role-playing/puzzle game is rapidly becoming
Neopia's hottest new guilty pleasure. Trap the guards, navigate the maze, collect
the loot. Grand Theft Ummagine is fast-paced, intriguing, and fun! Featuring
some of the fastest load times in NeoPets history, emmersive 3-D graphics, and
a code system that enables players to resume gameplay where they left off. Saracroft
gives GTU two very enthusiastic thumbs up!
o Luck/ Chance o
Step right up and try your hand at a game of Luck and Chance!
-Dice-A-Roo-
It's amazing... how much I hate this game. Like Vegas itself, Dice-A-Roo is
to gamblers as trap is to tourists. It costs 5 NP to roll Roo's dice, and just
when you think you're winning, you discover you are not. I have never walked
away from DAR with any sort of a profit under my belt. In fact, when all is
said and done, I usually end up spending 100+ points on this ingeniously confounding
time-waster. If I wanted to spend oodles of funds on utter garbage, I'd invest
in an army of snowballs.
-Food Club-
Though this particular game can be pretty confusing, and should probably be
categorized under Puzzles instead, I find it to be as profitable as it is fun.
A true thinking-person's gamble, the goal of this game is to predict who will
win the battle of blubber and devour the most grub! Much like the ever-aggravating
but mucho-enjoyable Gadgadsbogen Puzzle, clues provide the way to winning the
bid. Calculation is the key as you estimate how much food each contestant can
gobble by scoping their stats and perusing that week's menu! Though it is somewhat
predictable, the method-of-deduction gameplay more than makes up for its lack
of suspense. If you liked Gadsgads, you'll love Food Club!
-Kacheek Seek-
And the award for the Lamest Favorite goes to... Kacheek Seek! It is, without
a doubt, Neopia's easiest, most effortless, lamest most fun game! Spend all
of thirty seconds clicking map tiles to uncover your pet, and-through irony
known only to NeoPets-receive up to thirty points per find! Is Neopia great
or what?! Choose from nine ridiculously easy maps... the NP are endless! Endless!
Each map takes anywhere from ten to thirty seconds to complete. You can sit
yourself down in front of your PC and literally win close to 200 NP in three
minutes or less! Imagine the points you can make after half-an-hour?
-Scorchy Slots-
Though no where near as annoying as ye ol' Dice-A-Roo, Scorchy Slots ranks up
there as one of Neopia's most infuriating games. A Neopoint vacuum with little-to-no
payoff. Though there is a remote chance that you may stumble across a Faerie,
codestone, map piece or other such prize, the chances are so slim that it's
not worth the cash you end up spending in the meantime. Trust me, there are
better ways to blow your hard-earned NP. Avoid Scorchy Slots at all costs.
-The Wheel of Excitement-
A most excellent gamble with some righteous payoffs!
The wheel does cost, though only 100 NP a pop, and I've found that I usually
leave with more than I arrived with. It is most certainly a game of luck and
chance, however. There are a total of sixteen prize tiles, any one of which
you may happen to happen upon. Nine are positive pieces of the prize pie, and
seven are negative. So what's the worse that can happen? Make sure that your
items are all safely tucked into your Deposit Box, the Pant Devil likes to hang
around these parts. And when the Pant Devil strikes, the Pant Devil strikes
hard. But don't let him scare you off. The Wheel of Excitement can be very exciting
indeed, especially if you land on the ten-thousand-point tile!
Last, but certainly not least, I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to
the great games of the past, those precious faves that are no longer with us.
Turdle racing... we'll miss you, old friend.
Shapeshifter... so long, pal.
Round Table Poker... you won't be forgotten.
Turmaculus... *sniff* goodbye, my love.
Yes, the forces of Darigan may have stolen a few of our favorite games... but
they can never steal our fuzzy memories!
....
What was I saying?
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