Are Rodents Conquering Neopia?
NEOPIA CENTRAL - Now, when you read the title of this article, you may be thinking
that the writer is quite insane. And you'd be correct, smarty-pants. Must remember
to create funerals for the piles of dung I found while dump-diving. But that's
off the point. When you think about it for several hours, it's a reasonable question.
But lucky for you, I'm saving you the trouble by doing it for you in one simple
article. Did you ever notice how many mouse petpets there are, not to mention
Meerca popularity? Now, let us take a look at all things bold and bucktoothed
First and foremost, look at all the mousey petpets that are found chewing
wood in many shops. Maybe you are intelligent enough not to own one, but there
are three well known kinds (not to mention the kinds that are hiding in secret
Take-Over-Neopia underground caves!): Tigermice, Psimice, and Miamice. Tigermice
are crafty and they enjoy laughing at other people's expense, and Psimice have
psychic power, but are not particularly clever or intelligent. BAAAAAD combination.
Think a minute, a Psimice could be controlling your mind under a Tigermouse's
demand (they are stupid, after all) while the Tigermouse makes you do amusing
things under the Psimouse's brainwave power! And Miamice may look cute and cuddly
and innocently sickening, but maybe one particularly smart Tigermouse has them
under it's evil mousey empire! They could be sent to lure unsuspecting pets
in with their cuddles and chirps for the mind control of the unintelligent Psimice!
Now, onto Meercas. Yes, the bouncy things with the long tails and the HUGE
teeth. They are the main mouse pet after all, but think of the possibilities!
My peaceful Faerie Kougra, LightFanDancer, used to be a hyper little white Meerca
(long story), so I know their personalities all too well. Meercas are VERY VERY
hyper and completely brainless. In fact, it's scientifically proven their brains
are no larger then a peanut. OK, so it hasn't been proven, but who wants to
cut up a Meerca? (Besides CutePoogleCandy)
Think how easily they could be taken in by, say, the villains Dr. Sloth or
Count Von Roo (now look at his teeth!). Meercas are so fast that they're born
super-speedy for crying out loud! They're the ideal thieves (see next paragraph)!
They also are unlimited in creation (Neopets Team, why have you betrayed us?),
so if Dr. Sloth got a hold of Create-A-Pet, we could in minutes be dealing with
an literal army of bouncy,quick, mindless, and fuzzy thieves! And look at their
enormous front teeth! They can rip through a Skeith's hide in 5 seconds (it's
true, look at Meuka!).
There are a hundred evil Meercas in hiding,(OK, maybe 5) the main and slimiest
one being Meuka. We all know about this dripping, mucus covered Meerca with
the internal cold and the snot whip that everybody wants for themselves. No
one knows how he got this way (though I have many guesses!), but now he roams
the Haunted Woods, devouring everything in his path, lifeless or living (he's
not very smart either). He even turned my Blue Gelert Plushie into a Snot Pile,
EWW! And remember, those annoying brown Meerca brothers are the ones that stole
Coltzan's Crown (I don't like that guy). Who knows, maybe even cuddly ol' Chuffer
Bob could be eating Neopets and other animate objects just like Meuka! He didn't
get that fat eating vegetables, that's 79.3 percent certain!
Look at all of the cheesy Meerca items in Neopia. There are six or seven Meerca
books which are all about the same thing, an array of worthless Battledome items
for Meercas, smelly Meerca morphing potions, even evil Robo Meercas! Too many!
Ever wonder who's making them? Maybe an brainwashed army of Meuka's followers
(more Meercas!) are producing them by the minute and casting evil mind control
zombie spells on them! And those cute little Robo
Meercas could be taking over your cozy NeoHome with their vicious robotic
tails! OK, maybe not. But it's either that, or someone on the Neopets Staff
is seriously obsessed with these little guys. (And we all know who, heh heh
Maybe Cybunnys and Snowbunnys and Usuls could be counted as rodents, too.
Hey, it's possible! Usuls are squirrel pets, squirrels are rodents. Simple as
that. And rabbits aren't rodents, but they're related to them. Family ties.
The Vampire Cybunnys and Ursula the Usul could be helping the Tigermice and
Meuka with their mind-controlling! Snowbunnys are abundant in Neopia after 2002's
Advent Calendar. They may look adorable, but they have sharp claws and evil
teeth. Meuka could start a Terror Mountain war with these snow loving Bunny
pets and petpets, and Usuls could dive bomb people from trees with their evil
Cookie Bombs! (yum...)
Well, that's all the evil things I can come up with at the moment. But remember,
Meercas and Usuls are not always as innocent and cute as they seem. So the next
time you catch your Snowbunny having a conversation with Meuka in a dark alley,
I suggest you lock it up and feed it only calming herbs and happy neggs while
playing on a radio, Poof The Magic Scorchio. And when the next war starts, don't
be surprised if an evil Meerca lord with green slime is in charge!
(Roxanne the Snowbunny races by with a paper labeled Evil Domination) Hey,
Dancer! We need the herbs and happy neggs again!
Author's Note: I apoligize to any Meerca owners, as I'm not implying it
to them. Feel free to battle and keep Snowbunnys.