Author's Notes: I know there are no NeoSchools yet, but there's nothing
wrong with a little imagination right? Unless it comes from an insane writer
like me... I used random names for other pets, so if your pet has the same name,
they are not related. Please note that I have nothing against Elephantes. The
species was picked randomly. If it interests you (which I am sure it does not),
I got this idea one day when I was thinking about exams and craving pie... I
am sane, really. So, for all those cramming for exams, this story is dedicated
to vous, and the pie-obsessed Neopians. To the rest, (try and) enjoy! *Dodges
a banana cream pie*
Devlin sighed as he watched the snowflakes drifting
outside of the window. He was sitting behind a wooden desk on a wooden chair
in math class, watching the time go by. His Crokabek's face was smushed against
the window, and his breathing made the glass foggy and blurred.
"Oh, Calanthil," the skunk Eyrie whispered.
"Get off of that." He gently peeled off the adhesive petpet and wiped the window
clean with one talon.
"Well, Devlin, I'm glad you feel the need to
keep the classroom clean, but I don't think it is necessary to clean the windows
during class."
The Eyrie flushed but looked at his professor,
a skunk Jetsam, in the eye. "I'm sorry, sir, I will pay attention now."
The teacher could not help but smile. He had
a liking to his devoted Eyrie student, not to mention that they were both skunk
coloured-a fine colour indeed! Devlin had shown an interest to mathematics (which
surprised Catriona, as she did not prefer that subject), and he proved to be
an excellent student. He thought quickly but carefully, and enjoyed trying to
solve the challenging problems. Not all the students liked him, for he was distant
and not very lively outside of class, but they did not like being glared at
with those predator eyes, and gave him his space.
Back to the present, the Jetsam allowed himself
a small sigh. It was natural that even the most dedicated students would not
be very intrigued at this time of year. They had finished celebrating a merry
holiday, only to return and find a nice pile of exams for them to write. It
was difficult for the teachers too. If it was that difficult for the students
to answer the questions, it would be even harder to think them up.
He picked up a piece of chalk and began to write
out the topics needed to be reviewed for the upcoming examination.
"You will need to go back and look at the algebra
done early in the year, and also study the formulas for some of the more complex
geometrical shapes. Devlin, can you tell us what the formula is for the area
of a circle?"
"Pi R squared."
"Correct. What about the formula for a trapezoid?"
He continued on around the class.
Devlin noticed a rather chubby ghost Elephante
sitting in the desk beside him was squirming with agitation in his seat. He
gave the Eyrie small glances from time to time until the Eyrie, quite annoyed,
spoke.
"What's wrong? If you have a problem, say it.
When I bite off your head, it won't hurt as much." This intimidated the Elephante
even more, but whatever was bothering him overcame his fright.
"Y...y-y-you said... p-p-p..."
"Pi?"
"Don't say it!" The Elephante whispered sharply.
Devlin frowned. "Why not? It's a mathematical
term used to describe the relation of a circle's circumference and its radius-"
"Whatever. I don't care about what the math
meaning is. The food meaning makes me hungry!"
The Eyrie raised an eyebrow. "Exams are in one
week, so you'll have to figure out some way to get over it, and learn not only
its meaning, but how to use it."
"But I can't get over it. Please, Devlin, you
have to help me!"
"What's going on?" The sharp voice of the teacher
cut through before Devlin had time to think over an answer to the Elephante's
sudden request
"Is there a problem with what needs to be reviewed
for the exam?" "Err... no. I mean, yes! My peer is having trouble with P-" The
ghostly Neopet squirmed again. "Uh... the formula for the area of a circle.
I was just helping him, sir."
Devlin did not realise those words meant he had
made a commitment.
"I see. Well, Devlin, I appreciate your kindness
in helping others, but perhaps it could be arranged after class. Now, the topics
outlines on the blackboard..."
The Elephante leaned over to Devlin's desk. "You're
really going to help me?" He whispered excitedly.
"I guess..." The Eyrie looked at the floor dubiously.
Calanthil shook his feathers uneasily.
"Oh, wow! This is more than I was hoping for.
I'll give you my address and you can come over every night and we can practice
this... this... p-p..."
"Yeah, the P word." Devlin went back to staring
at the window, but this time he wished time would slow down.
***
"You did WHAT?!" Catriona almost dropped the cookie jar that she was holding.
Raigara, however, had burst into laughter and was rolling on the grass, hooves
clutching her stomach with tears streaming down her face.
"Come on, Raigara, it isn't that funny...is
it?"
The Uni stopped laughing and was thoughtful for
a moment. "Well... YES!" She started to guffaw again. Catriona wondered if she
would end up having stomach and rib cramps like last time...
"Have you had experience with this... unusual
Elephante before, Raiga?" Devlin was almost afraid to ask.
Raiga wiped away her tears and took several breaths
before speaking. "You're talking about Bilvar, the ghost Elephante, right? He's
in my science class. Unfortunately, he is also a target for jokes. He has a
food addiction but now that we have moved to physics, he hasn't had any cravings
lately. Chemistry and Biology, however, did not help his famine. Who would have
thought Bilvar could get a tummy rumble from mentioning salt?"
The Eyrie moaned and slumped to the ground, talons
over his head as if to shut out the world. He wondered what he had gotten himself
into. Calanthil hopped on his shoulder for comfort. Raigara had conquered her
laughter and went to Devlin. This time it was to speak sympathetic words.
"Think about it this way, Devlin. At least it's
only a week. A week isn't that long if you think about it."
Catriona tried not to snort. Hah. What do
they know? I suffer a lot through one week when I put them in the Beauty Contest!
Devlin sighed. "Maybe...."
"Where does he live anyway?"
Catriona eyed the Uni warily. "You're not going
to tell the ruffians in class so they'll start harassing him at his house, will
you?"
"Of course not! He suffers enough already."
"He lives in Neopia Central, behind the hospital."
"Wow, I wonder if he got any house calls. When's
your first day?"
"Tomorrow... augh!" Devlin shoved his face into
his talons again.
"How pessimistic of you. Don't worry Devlin,
things will even out. Just make sure your breath doesn't smell of sardines,
or he'll go insane."
Devlin's anguished cry was heard within a 10-mile
radius.
***
On the stone steps of Bilvar's NeoHome, Devlin knocked on the finely furnished,
wooden door. A cloud Elephante opened the door and greeted him warmly.
"Oh! You must be Devlin. Welcome, welcome! It's
so kind of you to help Bilvar study for his math exam. Won't you come in?"
Devlin stepped into the brightly-lit walls of
the brick NeoHome.
"How about a snack before you start studying?"
"No, mom!" The ghost Elephante came down the
stairs with a twitch. "We can't afford to get distracted by food."
Devlin was surprised at Bilvar's refusal, but
quite pleased. Maybe it won't be so hard after all...
"Hello, Devlin! I'm glad you came. Let's go
upstairs to my room where we won't get distracted."
"I see you've put up some sort of resistance,
Bilvar. I'm glad to see that!"
"Huh? Oh, you mean by declining my mom's food?
That's because she would make us eat fishpops...the horror of healthy foods!
I don't even think those are healthy!"
"Oh..." The Eyrie dropped his head disappointedly,
and Calanthil did the same.
Bilvar's room was not very colourful. The wallpaper
was an awful shade of grey, and made the room seem more like a prison. The math
textbooks were opened on his bed, and Bilvar was ready. The Eyrie was not too
sure how to begin.
"So... where should we start?"
"Well, I was thinking we should go over some
algebra because I've been having some problems-"
"Bil?"
"Yea?"
"You got 100% on the algebra test. I don't think
that's your problem."
"Oh... well, how about volume? That's not really
my strong point."
"Sure, but first we should start with area before
moving onto volume."
"Um, okay...." The Elephante shifted uneasily,
but turned his book to the geometry page.
"Since the simple shapes are easy, let's do
the harder ones like trapezoid, and circle."
"Um...okay."
"So, the formula for the area of a trapezoid
is 1/2 of base 1 + base 2 times the height, and the formula for the circle is-"
"I have to go to the bathroom!" Bilvar ran out
of the room, leaving Devlin stunned and caught in mid-sentence.
He returned several long minutes later, and found
Devlin eyeing him with an irritated glare.
"Sorry... I had to go... you know?"
"...Right. Let's just get back to math. The
formula for the circle is PI R SQUARED. Make sure you remember."
"How could I forget? It's torment!"
Devlin sighed. "Listen, Bil, you have to make
yourself not associate pie, with Pi. They're even spelled differently! It won't
even be spoken aloud, but written on the page using the symbol."
"I know but I read it to myself in my head and
it just doesn't work...."
"Keep trying. Just think how good you'll feel
once you achieve it." The Eyrie was not sure if those were the right words to
say. The world did not need another arrogant being to add to the long list.
"Okay... the formula for the area of a circle
is...p-p-p..."
The Eyrie leaned forward, golden eyes glittering.
"Yes, that's right."
"P-p-p...puh...I...I-I can't do it!" Bil screamed
and ran out of the room.
Devlin slammed the book close, took his bearings
and proceeded towards the stairs and out the door. "That's it Calanthil, it's
hopeless. I can't help him."
Bil's mother came out of the living room and
saw Devlin with his books. "Oh, Devlin, you're leaving? Is Bilvar having trouble?"
"Er... yes, but I'm sure he'll get it figured
out."
"You're so kind to help him get over his...
problem. I can't thank you enough for helping him. Poor Bil is so neglected
at school. It hurts to see him come home and look like he's failed every single
test ever written."
The Eyrie thought he was going to choke when
he could not swallow. "It's nothing, miss. I really have to go now. Catriona
wanted me home early..."
"Of course, of course! See you tomorrow, Devlin."
The whole week was spent with the same results.
Either Bilvar made up some excuse not to say the word 'Pi', or studied something
else that did not involve food homophones.
Exam week finally came, and Devlin, eyes red
from stress, came to school wearily. The teacher saw his state and inquired
about him.
"Devlin, are you well?"
"Oh yes, sir, I am fine, but I can't say the
same for Bilvar." He went to his desk and collapsed in his chair.
The skunk Jetsam looked at him curiously, but
said no more. When the entire class had arrived, he passed out the exams.
"All right everyone, you have 90 minutes to
complete this exam. You may not ask any questions that involve or hint at the
answers to the questions. No talking or you will immediately receive zero. You
may begin, and good luck."
Devlin looked at his test paper and with a soundless
sigh, grabbed the pencil in his beak, and scrawled out the equations. The first
couple of pages dealt with algebra and fractions. However, after half an hour,
he heard Bilvar shifting in the desk beside him. Devlin turned the page of his
exam and saw that they were geometry questions. Bilvar started to squirm. Although
the Eyrie tried to block out the uneasy movements of the Elephante, he could
not, and found himself cracking the pencil in his mouth. He took the pencil
out of his mouth and watched Bilvar out of the corner of his eye.
Bilvar tried to do other questions on the later
pages, but he could not concentrate. The odd little symbol that represented
3.14[...] floated in his mind. He thought he could smell the scent of asparagus
pie from the window beside Devlin. He started to sweat heavily. He gripped his
pencil so tightly it snapped. That was it. The sudden sound caused the Elephante
to breakdown.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT!" He shouted into the silence.
"I HATE PIE!" He sobbed and ran out of the room.
The other students looked up to see Bilvar's ghostly trail fade away. The Jetsam
teacher was stunned, but quickly recovered.
"Er... please continue writing the exam, class.
No talking."
Feeling somewhat relieved, Devlin finished his
test within the time limit, and waited, watching the snowflakes drift out the
window as he waited for the 90 minutes to finish.
***
"Well, Devlin, what did you get?" Raigara asked. The marks had been posted
on the bulletin board, and a large crowd was around it.
"Wait a second, I can't see." Devlin jumped
up with a flutter of wings to get a clear view. "Not bad. I passed."
"What do you mean 'I passed'?" She laughed.
"I bet you passed by a lot!"
Devlin shrugged modestly. "Well, yeah, I did.
How about you?"
The Uni smiled slightly. "Math isn't my best
subject, but I passed the line by several metres."
The Eyrie nodded sagely. "I wonder what happened
to Bilvar."
Raigara shook her head. "I heard he was failed
by the math department for speaking-shouting really-in class. The poor guy didn't
even get a second chance. The teacher felt sorry for him, but the rules are
rules."
"What a pity! But I think after this incident,
even I won't look at Pi the same way."
The End
Please don't waste your precious apple pie by throwing them at me. | 
