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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 8th day of Eating, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 44 > Short Stories > Goldpaw the Alpha

Goldpaw the Alpha

by al_the_chia

Lupe Forest, Alpha's 'Office' in Goldpaw's Cave...

Goldpaw sighed, his golden-yellow fur looking slightly ruffled. Being the lead Lupe wasn't as easy as it looked. He had just spent the past day responding to complaints about Stenchpaw's stench, Thornpaw's sneezing, Peacepaw in general, Hollypaw's moodiness, the high amount of crime caused by Paypaw and Creeper the Aisha thief, and, of course, the usual amount of pouting about that pesky Chia that always barged into the Lupe's business, Al. Goldpaw was much different from his father who had run the pack before him. He liked to take a more 'Modern' approach to the whole situation rather than stick to the boring traditional customs his father had set up. He put on his reading glasses as he picked up a huge stack of papers off the top of a stone slab that served as his 'desk.'

"Hm… Looks like Warpaw wants to get more land for his lousy war tent…"

Goldpaw stamped a 'REJECTED' onto the form and tossed it into the trash. He pulled out another sheet.

"What's this? Hotpaw wants more lumber to be cut? Ha! Is he kidding?"

Another 'REJECTED' was placed. After a couple more complaints, he finally finished the stack of letters, and then moved on to the bills. At least two hundred new bills were waiting to be passed. Goldpaw, fixing his reading glasses, picked the top one off the list.

"HM… selling Hot Dogs on Labor Day is now illegal in Lupe Forest?"

He dipped his feather-quilled pen into ink, scribbling his loopy signature onto the long piece of paper, with handwriting so small it was a wonder that he could read it.

"Let's see… it's illegal for Peacepaw to sing? Ha! I wish I could pass that one, but it doesn't fit the policy."

Goldpaw tossed the second bill with the rest of the trash.

"Illegal to park in a no parking zone… that one seems familiar… illegal to howl at midnight… illegal to drop keys into toilets… illegal to maul Chias on Chia Day… illegal to contemplate the meaning of life while standing in a mud puddle in your underwear…"

Goldpaw pushed the bills aside with disgust.

"Where do these Lupes GET these crazy laws for me to sign? How did I become Alpha of such a disgraceful, motley crew?"

Suddenly, there was a knock on his cave door. Goldpaw, surprised, looked at his watch.

"Huh? O'Pawnell was supposed to be here at half past three… oh well. Let's see what it is."

Goldpaw set his quill down and climbed out of his desk, putting his reading glasses away. He opened his cave door.


Big Dippaw and Hotpaw stood in the doorway, holding an asparagus pie.

"Ya see this pie, sir?" Big Dippaw asked. "This pie is mine. And yet, this guy here keeps on sayin' that it's his."

Hotpaw sneered. "Only because it is. You stole it off my window when it was cooling to feed that snotty-nosed little kid of yours because you can barely make a Neopoint on that second-rate job of yours!"

"Oh yeah? Well, at least I have a social life!! All you do is stay stuck inside your NeoHome all day! What the heck do you do in there anyway!"

"Why do you wanna know? Whatever it is, it involved eating that pie! Now FORK IT OVER!!" Dippaw yanked the pie from Hotpaw's hot paws. "But you don't even LIKE asparagus!!"

"Wait… it's an asparagus pie? EW!! I don't want it!" Hotpaw shoved it away.

Big Dippaw turned purple with rage. "Oh, you you're the picky pie eater, eh? Well, you're going to eat this pie and like it!"

"MAKE ME!!" Hotpaw challenged. Dippaw calmly set down the pie on a rock, and then pounced upon Hotpaw, snarling.

As Goldpaw watched the two Lupes scuffle, Hollypaw, Warpaw, Peacepaw, and Thornpaw dashed to the door. Goldpaw raised an eyebrow. "What seems to be the problem?"

"We want to pass a ban on the existence of Chias!!" Hollypaw yelled.

"And we want to pass a ban of making bans of the existence of Chias!!" Thornpaw yelled back.

"What makes you think you have the authority!" Hollypaw snapped.

"What made you think YOU had the authority?" Thornpaw replied.

"YOU be quiet!"

"Make me!"

"Make me make you!"

"Make me make you make me!…"

Suddenly, Stenchpaw walked to the doorway, parting the crowd. With a small bow, he cleared his throat and presented a piece of paper. "Sir… I was just wondering about if I could create a restraining order…"

Goldpaw covered his nose. "From who?" he asked.

Stenchpaw paused for a moment. "Wait… I don't think you've been understooding… I want to be getting a restraint order… No, wait, that's not right… What is the word for when you want to change that one thing in the government?… Oh, right, I would like to propose a lawsuit. No, wait… I want to become an independent nation! That's the words! Uh… I am thinking… Either that or I want to immigrate into the country…"

"HEY!! It's our turn to talk!" Hollypaw screamed, a clothespin attached to her nose. Thornpaw stamped his paw down, unknowingly crushing Hotpaw's tail.

"What are you talking about? I was clearly here first!"

"Who said you were? We were here before you! Right, Warpaw?"

Just as Warpaw opened his mouth to speak, a flash of green light sent all the Lupes sprawling. Goldpaw watched as a large, pale green Lupe materialised from thin air. Everyone gasped as he marched up to the office, holding a ray gun. His monocle accentuated his many ears and pale green fur. He stepped up to Goldpaw, clearing his throat.

"You are the leader of these Lupes, correct? I must ask you to surrender all your land to us, the superior Meerkadoodadhorfadorfapaw Lupes"

"HEY!! You can't just do that!" Warpaw yelled. "I demand war!! Declare war, Goldpaw!"

"No way, man!!" Peacepaw shrieked. "Power to the pets!! Negotiate!!"

"Why should we negotiate? They won't listen?"

"Who said they won't? You never even met an alien before! As for me, I've been to several Alien Aisha Machines, and…"

Warpaw brought his sword out, neatly cleaving a hunk of Peacepaw's long, luxurious Hippy Hair off the top of his head.

"AHHHHH!!" Peacepaw clutched his head. "THAT'S IT!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!! WHEN YOU TOUCH MY LONG, LUXURIOUS LOCKS, YOU DIIIIIIE!!!!" Peacepaw screamed.

Suddenly, chaos broke out. Goldpaw stood in the doorway, watching as the Lupes began to wrestle. Warpaw beaned Peacepaw over the head, and Thornpaw was sneezing furiously as he battled with Hollypaw. Stenchpaw fought with Glycopaw, knocking the gun from his paws and getting him in a headlock, which made Glycopaw gag. And Big Dippaw, who had been quietly sparring with Hotpaw the entire time, hurled the pie straight at Hotpaw's face. It hit Thornpaw instead, who sneezed the pan off his face and clanging off of Stenchpaw's head as he read off his paper. "Uh… I think it was an emancipation proclamation that I was wanting to make…" he added, ducking as a rock flew over his head. They kicked up a huge cloud of dust as the fighting continued. Goldpaw sighed, massaging his forehead and looking at his watch as the fighting continued.

"I had to be Alpha, didn't I?" he moaned, as he produced a Lupe whistle from behind his back. Taking in a deep breath, he blew into it as hard as he could. No sound came out as far as normal hearing. But all the Lupes suddenly stopped fighting, and stood in two perfect rows, rigid and attentive. Goldpaw marched over to Hotpaw and Big Dippaw, his paws behind his back. "Listen, you two. Whoever made this pie is sure not going to have it now, right?"

"Right sir…" Dippaw and Hotpaw admitted. "You have to learn how to share you two. I suggest you go make a new pie. Strawberry, preferably. Have it at my office at noon. Got it?"

"Yes sir…"

Goldpaw then marched over to Warpaw, Peacepaw, and Glycopaw. "Glycopaw, kindly go back to where you came from before I have to blow this whistle again."

"Yes, sir…" Glycopaw muttered, pressing a button on a watch on his paw and disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"There," he announced to Warpaw and Peacepaw. "Problem solved. Warpaw, cool down. Seek counseling. Peacepaw, don't get all angry about it. You're hair will grow back. Besides, it's time you got a haircut. Next time you come to my office, I want to see you with a decent crew cut, got it?"

"Yes sir…"

He turned to Hollypaw and Thornpaw. "Hollypaws, Chias have a right to exist, and I suggest you find a hobby. Thornpaw, I am not going to ban Chias from the forest, but the limits on their rights upon entering will remain the same."

"Yes sir…"

He turned to Stenchpaw.

"Here." He handed him a dictionary. "Learn some English and come back when you realise what you need."

"Yes, sir…"

He blew the whistle again, and the Lupes relaxed. "Now..." he pointed a paw into the air. "Get out of my sight before I kick you all out of the forest."

"Yes sir…" the Lupes muttered, shuffling away like little puppies caught doing something bad.

Goldpaw shook his head. "It's not easy being Alpha." The natural leader retreated back into his office, picked up his pen and continued to write....

The End

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