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ROXY'S DESK- My brother, Oke wanted to go to a carnival for his birthday and
my family agreed to go. On the day of his celebration, it sounded like a good
idea for Oke to choose the activity. To my family's surprise, he wanted to go
to The Carnival of Terror, a Sloth creation. I heard stories about the Carnival
and we approached it with caution, it was supposed to be a dangerous and spooky
place. In reality, how can you be scared of skipping Chia Clowns made from metal
and pie filling? In addition, they could be destroyed with a single shot from
an Aisha Ray Gun or a water pistol, at that. Good job at making their bottom
half explosive, it made it a real challenge to kick some robo butt.
The Carnival had fantastic food delivery service, they kept on tossing pies
in our direction every time they heard a hungry belly growl. Now, that's what
I call service! Slothy's Carnival of Terror, scary? I think not; a Snorkle is
scarier than that carnival! The only thing that was truly terrifying was the
Chia Clown's wardrobe. They were hideous! It was pretty obvious that Slothy
created those. If I was going to create a Robot Army to take over Neopia, they'd
at least be decently dressed and semi-hard to destroy. In addition, I don't
think I'd make them out of pie filling, too many calories. Enough about my brother's
birthday weekend, let's get down to that advice!
Dear Roxy: I lost my favorite necklace! What should I do? -Neckless
Necklace
Dear Neckless Necklace: That's horrible! I'm very sorry! I remember
I lost my favorite ring and felt so bare without it. You can always retrace
your steps and see if you can find. Search every inch of your Neohome, to make
sure it isn't there. If you still can't find it, you can always post lost signs
all over town and possibly offer a reward. Hopefully some good Neopian will
return the necklace to you. If that doesn't work you can always buy another
one. Good luck and I hope you find it! -Roxy
Dear Roxy: Who is your most favorite Neopian Times character? -Just
An Average Sloth Hater
Dear Just An Average Sloth Hater: Hmm... that's a tough one. I've
always been fond of Artemisluv, the Goddess of the Neopian Moon. Let me tell
you not only is she a complete sweetheart, she sure can dress!
Queen Lessons and the sequel,
The Last Lesson both by immortalmina, have always been one of my favorites!
I hope my brother, Kudio can get an interview with her someday! If he does,
I won't let him do that interview alone. *wink* -Roxy
Dear Roxy: If you got sick, and Kudio was sick. Who would take over
the article? Would it be one of your other brothers? Kudio's petpet? Who?
-Dracobunnies Scare Me
Dear Dracobunnies Scare Me: Dracobunnies scare you, too? *shudder*
Those things give me the creeps, I'm glad I'm not alone. Well, I hadn't really
planned that far out but I think my sister's petpet, Lady Lazzie the Snarhook
would have to take over. I would have my sister, Queenie do it but she's got
a packed schedule as it is and wouldn't have time to write the article. So the
Roxy Succession List is as follows: Kudio, then Lady Lazzie. If Lady Lazzie
wasn't available I'd have my good friend, Pink Eyes fill in for me. You better
keep your eyes open for both of them, they are sure to drop into the office
one of these days! -Roxy
Dear Roxy: I am a yellow Ixi and I'm obsessed with drawing Angelpi.
I will not draw anything except Angelpi! -Angelpi Drawer
Dear Angelpi Drawer: I'll be sure to alert Troxy, she'll probably
want a self-portrait done of herself. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: Why do you think Dr. Sloth resembles a chicken? Is it because
he is indeed a coward, or because I am simply an imaginative and observant person
who sees him this way? Seeing as he is your rival, I thought that you might
be able to answer this question. -An Imaginative and Observant Wonderer
Dear An Imaginative and Observant Wonderer: I never noticed that Sloth
looks like a chicken, but when I pulled out his Collectable Card, I totally
saw it. *giggle* Hehehe, Slothy looks like a chicken. He's never going to live
that one down! Back to business, why does anyone look they way they do? That's
just one question that not even the wisest wise man can answer. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: Do you play Gormball? And if so, would you like to play
a match with me someday? -The Ball of the Gorm
Dear The Ball of the Gorm: Deckball, Frumball, Gormball, Meriball,
Zurroball, I do it all! I'd can never turn down a challenge at Gormball! I'll
see if Dr. Frank Sloth would care to attend a match with us. I can beat him
at another thing besides, giving advice. In addition, I'm just want to see what
Sloth considers athletic apparel! -Roxy
Dear Neopet: Hello? Is this Paprol's Pizza? I would like a deep dish
with extra sardines. -A Hungry Bruce
Dear A Hungry Bruce: I'm sorry but you have the wrong address. You
need to send your order to Chet Flash and his little White Weewoo Delivery Service.
Speaking of pizzas, I think I'll go order a Pepperoni Pizza, giving advice sure
can make a Shoyru hungry. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: I'm have a big problem. Should I wear my Sparkly Purple
Dress to the Junior Prom or should I wear the YBIC tank top and the purple skirt?
-Slave to Fashion
Dear Slave to Fashion: Fashion advice, yipee! I love to offer fashion
advice! Well, I think you should wear the Sparkly Purple Dress. It's your Junior
Prom which is formal and your other outfit, even though it sounds very cute,
might seem a little too casual for your event. Have fun at Prom! -Roxy
Dear Roxy: Like redwall? -Zaser
Dear Zaser: I actually prefer pastel pink or blue walls. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: Did you name your Angelpuss after you, or did you get named
after your Angelpuss? -A Curious Salesperson From Down The Road
Dear A Curious Salesperon From Down The Road: Neither to be honest.
Troxy and I are named after my owner, roxycaligirl101. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: How much wood would a Wood Chuck chuck, if a Wood Chuck
could chuck wood? -Mister W. Chuck
Dear Mister W. Chuck- How big is this Wood Chuck you speak of? A
large Wood Chuck could chuck about 14.56 pieces of wood a second, while a smaller
Wood Chuck would only be able to chuck 12.99 pieces of wood a minute. It really
depends on the size of the actual Wood Chuck, so I used the average mass of
a wood chuck for my calculations. I used a simple formula to calculate my results:
the mass of the Wood Chuck divided by pi multiplied by the gravitational force
of Neopia, then multiplied by the potential energy of the Wood Chuck divided
by the average mass of the pieces of wood, multiplied by the number of hairs
on a Usul's head, divided by the first 3 numbers in Chet Flash's address, plus
the number of pudding cups I can eat in a minute gives you the answer. Simple,
no? -Roxy
Dear Roxy: How do you get all this accomplished? -Cowboy
Dear Cowboy: A lot of hard work in the great art of multitasking and
time management. -Roxy
Dear Puny Shoyru...errr, Roxy: Why must your persist in writing your
meaningless articles, it is obvious that you are no match for the great master
of the universe. He shall one day punish you for your articles when he is ruler
of Neopia. Muahahahahaha! - Sloth Clone # 32...I mean, The Person Down The
Lane
Dear Sloth Clone #32: Nice to meet you, let's have tea. Your threats
makes me want to give you a hug, you must've had a bad childhood or something.
Don't worry, you'll get over it. As for Sloth taking over Neopia, that'll happen
when Fyora dances around the Hidden Tower, doing the chicken dance (in Sloth's
honor). While holding a stalk of Asparagus claiming that Donna should be the
Faerie Queen, instead of her. I'm not scared of you, #32 nor am I scared of
your master. The Sloth Clones aren't any better than the Chia Clowns, he just
used cake to make you instead of pie filling. Don't go around making threats
that you can't keep because honey, I'm not going anywhere. I'll write for The
Neopian Times until the end of time, you don't like #32? Tough! There isn't
anything your master or you can do about it! -Roxy
Dear Roxy: When you first started writing for the Neopian Times, how
did you get people to send you questions? -A Purple Aisha
Dear A Purple Aisha: I asked a lot of my friends and fellow writers
to help me out, they responded with dozens and dozens of letters for me to use
for my first article. Ever since, I've been using the Neomails I get but I'll
still use some letters from them. I'd like to thank everyone that helped me
start my first article without some of their funny and bizarre questions, Dear
Roxy would have never happened. -Roxy
To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail
to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and
grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and
repeated messages will be deleted, so please don’t waste your and my time. Please
don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due to an overwhelming
amount of messages, not all of them can be answered by Roxy. All messages are
subjected to editing and can be published. So don't submit something if you
don't want to see it in the Neopian Times.
Author’s Note: Thanks to the readers and everyone who submitted their
problems. Roxy looks forward to sorting her Neomail every day! May the Borovan
always be with you! A special thanks to all the NTWFers for all their love and
support for getting Roxy off the ground and for helping her to continue to fly
high.
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