NEOPIA CENTRAL - Your Neopet may now be in grave danger. An announcement appeared
on the New Features page on Wednesday, January 15th. A crazed baby Bruce, who
goes by the alias Boochi, is running rampant around Neopia, and is armed with
a devastating ray gun. This merciless device has the power to turn any innocent
Neopet into a baby. Use extreme caution when approaching this seemingly harmless
baby, for sake of your pets maturity.
When I first saw the preview of this new random event, I knew that Neopia was
in danger. Nothing like this has ever been witnessed before. There had always
been cases where items were stolen by the mischievous Pant Devil or one of Dr.
Sloths minions, but never anything that could endanger your pet to this degree.
I knew I had to get to the bottom of this, but I didn't want to risk the safety
any of my pets. After a heated argument, we decided that Ookido_Shigeru
would accompany me on my quest, leaving the other three behind at the park bench.
He was a Krawk, and immune to being baby-fied at the current time.
With my trusted notebook and glowy pen in hand, and Shigeru sitting on my shoulder,
we began our journey to find Boochi. We began our search at the help desk, where
Sarah the Zafara was calmly sitting behind the hard wooden table. A Slorg was
slowly creating a slime trail across her arm. When she heard the two of us enter,
she straitened her glasses and asked if she could help us at all. I asked if
she knew anything about a baby Bruce named Boochi, and she shook her head. Shigeru
smiled coyly, then said that he thought she knew everything about Neopia. Sarah
only gave him a cold stare back and told him that this news was new to even
her. Then she suggested that we talked to Fyora, the Faerie Queen, because she
sold baby paintbrushes for a hefty price. I thanked her for her help, then continued
on my journey.
As Shigeru and I made our way to Faerieland, we discussed how anyone would
want to spend that many Neopoints on a silly paintbrush. It was overrated anyway.
Our discussion only spurred my determination to find out why Boochi was doing
this. Once we reached Faerieland, I quickly made my way to the Hidden Tower,
since I knew it's location by heart. Inside I browsed over the ancient items
that I knew I would never be able to afford, then found the Faerie Queen watching
over the items, to make sure that no one took anything without paying. After
a final glance at the Fire and Ice Blade, she approached the elegant faerie,
holding her notebook open with her pen ready to write.
Fyora: This isn't another one of those Neopian Times interviews, is
it?
Joey: Am I that obvious?
Fyora: Yes. Before you start, I don't know anything about Jhudora and
Illusen's argument, and I had nothing to do with the war in Meridell.
Joey: Umm... I wasn't going to ask about any of that.
Shigeru: We're investigating the story on Boochi the baby Bruce.
Fyora: Who?
Joey: You mean you don't know him?
Fyora: Never heard of him before.
Shigeru: Wouldn't you remember if you sold a baby paintbrush to an
owner with a Bruce named Boochi?
Fyora: What makes you think I keep records of everyone of those things
I've sold?
Joey : It's always helpful for people who write articles?
Fyora: Well you're out of luck. I've never heard of Boochi before, so
if you're not going to buy anything, please don't waste anymore of my time.
Shigeru: *sticks his tongue out at Fyora* Fine. Let's go, Joey.
With no help from the Faerie Queen, we left Faerieland, without any idea of
where to go from there. We headed to Neopia Central. When we arrived there however.
We were surprised to find a crowd gathered at the rainbow pool. Thinking that
this could be the lead we needed, I threaded my way though the throng of people
until I found the front of the crowd, and saw for myself what all the commotion
was about. Next to the sparkling water was a baby jetsam, crying its eyes out.
The boy who was apparently the weeping Neopets owner was trying to calm it down.
This was defiantly something important, I knew, so I ran forwards and kneeled
down next to the boy, ready to write.
Joey: What happened here?
Boy: It was this crazy Bruce with a ray gun! He shot my jetsam.
Shigeru: Hey! Was this Bruce a baby?
Boy: Yeah! He was so mean, my Jetsam just turned Robot!
Joey: How horrible! Which way did he go?
Boy: *points toward Kauvara's Magic Shop* That way.
Shigeru: Thanks for your help!
Joey: I'm sorry about your Jetsam!
We had a trail! Quickly I made my way out of the crowd, heading toward Kauvara's
shop. Shigeru had to hold on to my head to keep from falling off my shoulder.
When we reached the shop, we stopped and looked around. There was no one in
sight, not even a trail that said someone had been here. While we were standing
around in confusion, a beam of light suddenly shot out from behind a tree, hitting
Shigeru in the back and causing him to fall onto the grass in front of me. I
turned around quickly, to see a small pink Bruce with evil looking eyes pointing
a purple ray gun at me. He laughed, with a smug grin on his beak. Shigeru sat
up behind me, holding his head. He was still a green Krawk, not baby-fied at
all. I held my pen steady above the notebook.
Shigeru: Ow...
Joey: Is your name Boochi?
Boochi: That's what they call me. *notices Shigeru is non-baby-fied*
Hey! Why didn't may ray work?
Shigeru: 'Cause there are no baby Krawks, stupid.
Boochi: Grr...
Joey: Hey Boochi, can I interview you for a minute? It's for the Times.
Boochi: *scowls at Shigeru* Why not?
Joey: OK! First, I'd like to know why you're doing this.
Shigeru: Let me guess, your owner turned you baby against your will
and now you want to make the rest of Neopia suffer?
Boochi: Ha! That's way too typical a story for me. No, I just work for
Dr. Sloth.
Joey: Dr. Sloth?!? *sighs with an admiring look in her eyes*
Boochi: What's up with you?
Joey: Nothing...
Boochi: Anyway, Dr. Sloth hired me to help him take over Neopia by
turning all the pets into babies. With a bunch of rotten brats rather then full
grown Neopets, taking this place over should be a breeze for Sloth. Not to mention
I get paid really well, and I love seeing the faces of the really rare painted
Neopets who lose they're nice fire or robot colouring.
Shigeru: That's horrible!
Joey: But a genius plan!
Shigeru: Who's side are you on? I thought you hated baby Neopets!
Joey: I do, but...
Boochi: Can I go now?
Joey: But I only asked on question!
Boochi: *sighs in a vexed tone* Go on...
Joey: Why are you a baby yourself?
Boochi: Well I don't think my name would fit anything else. Plus, people
never expect a cute wittle Bruce to zap them!
Shigeru: He's got a point there.
Boochi: Next question.
Joey: Ummm... I can't think of anymore.
Shigeru: You chased him all this way to ask him two questions?
Joey: Yeah?
Boochi: I'm outta here. *begins to walk off* Oh yeah, I'll be coming
after you, Krawk, the minute you can be painted baby!
Shigeru: Ack! *hides behind Joey*
So now you see how evil this Boochi really is. He works for Dr. Sloth, something
most people disagree with. Those of us who love our pets when they're not whiny
little babies are in danger of being attacked by this minion of Dr. Sloth. Something
must be done to stop him, before it becomes to late for your Faerie Aisha or
Robot Draik! Remember to keep your NeoHomes locked at night, and always beware
cute things!
Disclaimer: I do not like baby Neopets in any way. If you'd like to send
me flames, go
ahead. This article was meant to be humorous. Hopefully you got a good
laugh from it.
This is chibi_Joey, bouncing out! May the notebook be with you! | 
