NEOPIA CENTRAL - If you are someone who has lots of time of your hands and
are bored out of your skull, you may find yourself wandering aimlessly around
Neopia doing nothing in particular. Ummm... like me. But you don't have to wander
around aimlessly doing nothing anymore! I am here to tell you exactly
where you can go to do absolutely nothing!
Mystery Island
Mystery Island is a virtual (literally) treasure trove of time-wasting activities.
My favourite one here is the Harbour. When you click on the Harbour link,
it takes you to a page that says, "Are you sure you want to leave our lovely
island so soon?" If you click on "Yes, I want to leave!", you are
are sent to the World of Neopia main map. If you click on "No, I want to
stay longer.", you get to go back to the Mystery Island map. Isn't this
fun? There is actually a separate page on Mystery Island devoted to nothing
but this! If you keep coming back to this page and clicking on the links, you
can go in circles for hours and hours! Sure beats taking out the garbage, huh?
If you start to get dizzy doing that, you can then pop over to the Island
Mystic. He greets you with "Hmmmmm, welcome you are! Your fortune of
today here is..." and then says something that usually makes no sense whatsoever.
Refreshing the page doesn't change today's weird prediction, but do it anyway.
Refresh the page a couple of times to make SURE it doesn't change. But be careful.
Refreshing pages could actually cause you to get a random event, which could
interesting or even profitable--so AVOID doing that too much.
The next stop is the Haiku Generator. This is almost exactly like the
Island Mystic except in Haiku form. A Haiku is a a three-line-non-rhyming-poem-type-thingy
of five syllables, then seven syllables, and then five syllables again. And
like the Island Mystic's fortunes, it rarely makes sense. The Island Kougra
tells you to "Contemplate this, and return tomorrow for another Neopian haiku."
I highly recommend following this suggestion. Stare at the Haiku for as long
as it takes to make sense. That might even take more than a day, so you could
get a new one before you're finished trying to figure out the previous one.
Refreshing the page won't give you a different one, but go ahead and refresh
the page a couple of times. This will help break your concentration if you think
you're close to understanding what it means.
If you think you can handle it, the supreme emperor of all pointless activities
is Tiki Tours. Not only is it a waste of time, but you get to waste 50
Neopoints on it too! When you go on the tour, it takes you to a single page
that looks like a travel brochure. That's it. That's all you get. You look at
a couple of pictures and read the captions. And at the bottom of the page is
a message that looks like a Lenny Conundrum. It says, "// roll the dice to
see of happiness is affected. it would down since they didn't get the answer
correct if (dice(1,5) == 3) { echo " "; $change = dice (4,8); update_happiness
($chosenone,$change) ; }" Now THAT is worth paying 50 Neopoints to see,
if you ask me! Also at the bottom of the page is a message that reads, "Well,
I hope you have enjoyed our little tour, do come back now and don't forget to
collect your free stuff from the reception desk on your way out!" But don't
worry about this. When you click on the "free stuff" link it takes you to a
page that tells you your free stuff is "screensavers" and suggests you send
your friends some Neo Greeting Cards. Whew! That's a relief! You thought you
might accidentally get an ITEM out of this! The best part is that you select
one of your pets at a time to take the tour. If you have four pets you can spend
200 Neopoints on this just by going back and doing it again and again and again!
The VirtuPets Space Station
The must-do stop here is Space Discount Card. This page tells you to
get a discount card and then tells you all of the great things you can get by
saving up points--but never tells you WHERE to get the discount card! Whoo
Hoo! But wait! It gets better! The bottom of the page also announces, "Currently
there are no ways to increase the value of your discount card, but please check
back soon for more great offers". Definitely do that. Check back every single
day. I have been playing Neopets for almost a year and this page hasn't changed.
It is near the top of my list of "Daily Brain-Dead Things to Do".
Tyrannia
No "I am really bored so I'll just wander around" excursion would be complete
without visiting the Tyrannian Plateau. At the Town Hall you can gaze
at six Tyrannian characters. It states their job titles but luckily it doesn't
attempt to make any of it actually interesting by explaining exactly what those
jobs are. This means you can stare at them for hours trying to figure out how
Plesio can be Captain of the Sea Division when Tyrannia is supposed to be an
underground world beneath Terror Mountain, for example.
If you are in the mood for a briefly exciting pointless activity to break
the monotony of your glorious vegetating, I recommend a few dozen trips to the
Lair of the Beast. Unfortunately the first time you go it's almost pretty
cool. But if you go every chance you get, the giant pterodactyl swooping out
at you gets nicely stale.
Krawk Island
If you crave something to do that involves a really remote chance of actually
being worthwhile, make Smugglers Cove your first stop. Ninety-nine percent
of the time you will get this message: "The smugglers have no items to sell
currently :(". So unless you want to take the chance that you will
be burdened with having to DO something if there ARE items available, make sure
that you have absolutely no Dubloons on you when you go. Hot Tip: Try returning
every five minutes. That way you'll be sure to be chased away by angry
pirate-type pets.
The next mindless thing you can do is pop into the Fungus Cave. I could
tell you where it is, but then that will spoil the fun of you wandering around
Krawk Island looking for it. If you manage to find it, you will be greeted by
a message that reads, "You have entered a dark dank cave with lots of fungus
all over. It is cold and you start to shiver. There does not appear to be anything
of interest in this cave...". Definitely worth roaming all over the place
to find it, huh? Just remember one thing though. Under no circumstances should
you EVER enter the cave with a Krawk Petpet attached to one of your pets. If
you ever do that, the cave will magically have a purpose and ruin a perfectly
good useless activity.
Terror Mountain
When you arrive in Happy Valley, head for the Advent Calendar.
Since it is only open in December, you will see this message: "Oops! - It
isn't the month of Celebrating... so there isn't anything to give away :(".
But don't let a silly thing like that stop you from making this a regular excess-time-spending
destination. Go every single day from January 1st until November 30th just to
make absolutely certain that it's not open.
Neopia Central
The Neopian Bazaar has one of those cool things that could snag
you an free item, but can also be turned into a pointless activity with very
little effort at all. I am referring to the Wishing Well. There is an
outside, very remote, one-in-a-million chance that you could actually
get lucky and get the item you wished for. But with a little creativity you
can turn this into something guaranteed to be an excellent way to totally
waste surplus time. First of all, whatever you do, do NOT donate any
Neopoints whatsoever. Second of all, make sure that what you type into the box
is as vague as humanly possible. Type in single random words like "blue" or
"six" and hit "Make a Wish". Or you could simply make up a word like "hudnufel".
Make sure to do this at least thirty times in a row.
Neopets Office Webcam
For anyone who enjoys doing absolutely nothing by watching other people do
absolutely nothing, I highly recommend watching the Neopets Staff on Neocam
Webcam. Just finding the Webcam will take you a lot of time, so make sure you
have more time to waste than usual if you want to check it out. The best time
to watch it is between midnight and 6:00 am Neopian Standard Time. Nobody is
in the office then, so you can watch nothing move for hours and hours. I personally
like to count the tiles on the ceiling, but you can simply just stare at the
screen until your eyes get glassy. That's fun too.
So, in conclusion, there are many pointless things to do in Neopia to amuse
those of us who have unlimited computer time and would rather do nothing useful
at all than homework. So many in fact, I was forced to mention just a few of
my favourite time-wasting activities. But with hours and hours of exploring
the entire site of Neopets, I am certain that you too will become a "Time Wasting
Grand Master". Who knows? Someday there might even be a trophy for that. Hey!
What do you say? Let's just sit here and wait for it happen, okay? | 
