MERIDELL - Meridell is a mess. The Turmaculus is missing. Cheese Roller has
been ransacked. Ultimate Bullseye has been mangled. Everywhere you go you see
signs that say, "The forces of Darigan have been here and left destruction
in their wake. There is nothing here for you now." Whoa. Bummer.
As a champion for the cause of Meridell with 210 battle scar points on my
red and blue shield, I have only one thing to say about all this mayhem. Piffle.
For those of you who don't know what "piffle" means, it means balderdash.
And for those of you who don't know what "balderdash" means, it means "no
way Jose".
It's true that I fought for truth, justice and the Meridell way. But now it
seems King Skarl has a wee bit of a credibility problem in the truth and justice
department. And if King Skarl is a big fat liar then it stands to reason that
what we are seeing now is a pathetic attempt of the old guy to pick his own
sour grapes instead of berries. There is a word for the spreading of lies in
wartime. It's called "propaganda". Which sounds like it would be a cool new
game to replace all of those Meridell games that are now gone. And most of the
good stuff in Meridell IS gone. But I don't believe for one minute that the
forces of Darigan made everything so untidy. I think there is a conspiracy going
on here to make Darigan look bad. "Oh, no!" you screech in panic and recoil
in horror, "Not ANOTHER stupid conspiracy theory!" Well... ummm... yeah... okay,
it IS another stupid conspiracy theory, but let me go on with it anyway since
we both have nothing better to do now that we can't roll cheese around the countryside.
I think there is a logical explanation for what really happened to
all the games and shops in Meridell. I believe that King Skarl just made up
the whole thing about Darigan messing everything up so we would feel sorry for
him and like him again. After all, don't you think it's kind of suspicious that
nothing in King Skarl's OWN CASTLE was wrecked? And that most of Meri
Acres Farms wasn't even touched? Here is what I think REALLY happened...
King Skarl decided to go to the Turdle races. As everyone knows, he is a real
gambler and likes games of chance. Well, when he got to the Turdle races, he
realised that he had forgotten to bring something to feed the Turdles to make
them run faster. So Skarl dashed over to the Pick Your Own but all he
could find were rotten berries. This made him so mad that he started tossing
things around and stomping on all the bushes and stuff. He returned to the Turdle
races and fed the rotten berries to his favourite Turdle. Unfortunately this
made the Turdle really sick and they couldn't run the races because they were
a Turdle short.
So Skarl ran over to Ye Olde Petpets to buy another Turdle. Of course,
as you might have guessed, they were fresh out of Turdles. This made Skarl so
mad that he started tossing things around and stomping on everything. The shopkeeper
was pretty scared and suggested that maybe the Turmaculus might know of someone
who had a Turdle because the Turmaculus sees petpets and owners all day long.
King Skarl stopped stomping long enough to like this idea.
So Skarl popped over to the Turmaculus. When he got there, the Turmaculus
was wiping his mouth on a napkin because he had just finished eating a Mortog.
Skarl asked Turmac if he knew where he could get a Turdle and Turmac replied
that he just happened to have one he was saving for dessert, but because Skarl
was king and all, he would let Skarl have him. Skarl was so happy that he kissed
the Turmaculus. Since the Turmaculus had just eaten a Mortog, when Skarl kissed
him... well... the Turmaculus exploded. That left a big hole in the ground.
Well, the sound of the blast startled all of the Neopets playing Round
Table Poker and they accidentally tipped the table over. In the confusion,
everyone started stampeding out of the place and trampled on everything. The
blast of the exploding Turmaculus also shook the ground so hard that all of
the cheeses started rolling down the hill at the same time like a giant Bubbling
Blueberry Cheese avalanche. Most of the cheese wheels plowed into Merifoods
and flattened the place worse than a ghost pancake.
One extremely... ummm... big... Big Beefy Cheese knocked into the Ultimate
Bullseye, which not only crushed the bullseye, but caused an arrow to launch
into the Shape Shifter board by mistake and totally mess that up too.
All of the noise and confusion so frightened all of the kissing Mortogs that
they all just spontaneously combusted all by themselves.
So as you can see, Meridell is a mess and it's all King Skarl's fault. He
just made up that story about Darigan's forces marching through and destroying
everything so he wouldn't look like a complete idiot. This explains why nothing
happened to Skarl's castle. I mean, even if all of that runaway cheese HAD managed
to cross the moat, it would have just splattered on the rocks of the castle
walls anyway. And it also explains why the only thing in Meri Acres Farms that
was destroyed was the "Pick Your Own" berries. I mean if a rampaging army REALLY
came through, wouldn't they destroy all the crops first? Or at least take the
produce to feed themselves?
You may be asking right now, "How can you be so SURE that is the way it all
happened, Stoneman?" Well, I'll tell you how I know. Lord Darigan told me. He
was sitting up in his floating citadel and had a bird's eye view of everything.
So if Darigan says that's what really happened, then I believe him. After all,
Lord Darigan wouldn't LIE, would he? | 
