NEOPIA CENTRAL - Some days it doesn't pay to boot up the computer. I can remember
one such day as if it were yesterday. In fact, it WAS yesterday. Everything
started out great. Sort of. I mean, I banged my knee on the edge of the computer
table, but I can't blame Neopets for that--it was a random event--I mean accident.
Anyway, I logged onto Neopets to begin my usual routine. I call them my "dailies".
You know, the stuff you can do once a day and pray you get something worthwhile.
I decided check my shop till first to see if anyone had bought the Ummagine
or the Scab Cake I was trying to unload from the previous day. Whoo Hoo! I had
9 Neopoints in my till! Smiling smugly at my own shopkeeping skills, I collected
my bounty. Suddenly a ghost appeared out of nowhere and grabbed 100 Neopoints
off of me. I stared blankly at the screen for a moment and looked at my Neopoint
total. It read -91. MINUS 91??? Great. The ghosts take IOUs.
"Hmmm," I thought. "Better make the bank my next stop." I guess I was still
awed by the fact you can have minus Neopoints, because I withdrew 500 Neopoints
and just as I clicked "Are you SURE you want to withdraw 500 Neopoints?" I realised
I had forgotten to collect my interest. Drat. Seventeen Neopoints totally blown.
I guess I should have heeded the warning about being sure I wanted those 500
Neopoints. I glanced at my Neopoint total. 409 Neopoints. I was going in reverse
and I hadn't even wiped the sleep crust from my eyes yet.
I checked my pets next. The Lupe was "not hungry" but it was in big bold red
letters and a stern message told me I had better feed my not hungry pet or else.
So I popped over to Tyrannia for some free omelette, confident that my Lupe
would be satiated in no time. Just as I reached the Tyrannian Plateau, I had
some bizarre encounter with a fungus ball but I can't remember what it was because
I got dizzy and dropped 159 Neopoints.
Okay... I now have 250 Neopoints on me and I haven't even started trying to
get my free stuff.
I slowly approached the omelette... clicked... and... "Page Unavailable". Hmmm...
minor server error... OK... no biggy. I made a mental note to ask Dad if he's
paid our Internet Provider yet and I refreshed the page. The Giant Omelette
reappeared. Excellent. I clicked "grab some omelette" and Sabre-X snarled "No!
You can only take one slice a day you thieving moron!" Oh, OK. Sorry about that.
My mistake.
I went back to my item box to retrieve whatever omelette it was that I had
grabbed. Nothing there but a Volcanic Rock I couldn't even sell for one Neopoint.
I stared at the solitary rock in disbelief. It should not be there ALONE! It
should have a green pepper omelette or something there to keep it company. I
knew it was useless to try to argue the point with Sabre-X and the Ummagine
and Scab Cake I had been so happy that I sold would have come in handy right
about then. I'm not blaming anyone for this lack of egg lump, but the Grundo
Commander or the Shadow Usul MIGHT have snuck in while I wasn't looking... it's
hard to be sure when all the blood drains out of your brain from clicking "refresh"
227 times to make SURE the omelette isn't there...
The Tiki-Tack Tombola Man had given me that Scab cake and 113 Neopoints the
previous day, and I had gotten 50 Neopoints and the Ummagine off the Fruit Machine,
so I figured I'd try my luck again. Fruit Machine. Sorry, this is not a winning
spin. Tombola. Another Volcanic Rock. Oh well, at least it had company now.
I decided to try to see if the Turmaculus was awake yet. I managed to get
some sausages off of him a week ago and it was worth a shot. I think he must
have been studying for final exams or something because he is IMPOSSIBLE to
wake up most of the time. I clicked over to Meridell and looked at the wake-up
selections. I figured "scream" would do the trick because that's how my Mom
wakes me up to get ready for school. Good news! Turmaculus is awake! Bad news...
one perfectly good Airax gone. Oh, peachy. The Turmaculus is bloated and my
Lupe is now almost hungry and friendless.
Well... there was one last resort before I had to break down and buy food.
Coltzan's Shrine had tossed Pyramibread at me on more than one occasion, so
I figured I had nothing to lose trying that. And my Lupe could wind up faster
or stronger at least, anyway. I don't know why, but somehow I knew that I would
get maniacal laughter instead. Drat.
I figured my best bet at this point was to try the Wheel of Excitement. If
I got 200 Neopoints at least I would be ahead of the game. I spun and waited
breathlessly. "Your pet begins to feel feverish..." I checked my Lupe. "Warning!
A nasty case of Neezles". Ugh. My Lupe glared at me menacingly from his blackened
eyes and battered body. Sorry, buddy.
I decided to zip over to the Healing Springs. With luck the Water Faerie would
be merciful. I clicked on "Heal my pets". "Three Hit Points--sorry that's the
best I could do!" she chirped. Liar. The best she can do is heal a pet completely
and bloat the heck out of them. I shot her an evil glance but she didn't seem
to notice.
"Okay," I muttered to myself. "I guess I'll have to break down and actually
buy some food for my pet." I glanced over at my Neopoints. 250 NP. I started
out with 500 and it looks like I'm pedaling backwards towards bankruptcy at
breakneck speed. I figured I could pick up a couple of pickled leeches or Half-eaten
berries for less than 5 Neopoints. That would hold my Lupe until I could get
some omelette the next day. With that in mind, I needed to use the Shop Wizard.
I clicked on "Shops" on the yellow sidebar thingy. Big mistake. The Earth Faerie
popped up and begged me to go on a quest for her. She wanted a FIRE FAERIE!
My jaw hit the floor as my brain whirled wildly in circles. All I could think
to say was, "What in the name of green Grundos does a faerie need a FAERIE for?
Who do you think you are? Balthazar?!!"
Without thinking, I headed for the Shop Wizard. I wanted to feed my Lupe and
then worry about where on earth I would get a Fire Faerie from. I typed in "Pickled
Leeches" and then hit the "Search Shops" button. The Earth Faerie popped up
again. This time she was not quite so friendly. "You're on a QUEST you cheater!
You can't use the Shop Wizard and if you do it again I'll freeze your account
and turn your pet into a LENNY!" Okay... maybe she didn't quite use those words,
but you get the idea. I groaned and rolled my eyes. FINE! BE THAT WAY!
I headed for Terror Mountain. My Lupe likes Chia Pops and I figured I could
pick up a Sherbet Lemon Chia Pop for less than the 88 NP they wanted for one
if I haggled fast enough and they didn't run out first. I should have known
that with a name like "Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop" that something evil was going
to happen there. As soon as I reached the top of the mountain, I got hit by
a random snowball attack. My Lupe lost the three hit points he got from the
Healing Springs. Perfect. Just perfect. I was in a race with myself to see what
would hit zero first--my Neopoints or my Lupe's hit points.
I entered the snow shop and there were actually a bunch of Sherbet Lemon Chia
Pops there for sale. I haggled and got one for 77 Neopoints. WHOO HOO! My luck
was changing! I zipped as fast as I could to my item box to feed my prize to
my urgently not hungry Lupe. "Something has happened!" I clamped my eyed shut.
I did NOT want to know. "Please, ye gods of random happiness, have pity on me,"
I muttered and opened my eyes to a squint. "The Pant Devil steals 'Sherbet Lemon
Chia Pop'!" DOH!
I now had 173 NP and hadn't even fed my pet yet. Suddenly I had a brainstorm.
For only 5 NP I could play Dice-A-Roo. You could win food there. I had won
a Vanilla Milkshake once. It was worth 5 NP to TRY anyway. Not. Sixteen tries
and sixteen wipe-outs. I now had 93 NP and STILL had a diseased and practically
hungry pet.
I figured at this point I needed something to get my mind off anything that
had to do with luck, chance, food or Neopoints. So I went to The Neopian Times
to look at the comics. When I got there I did a double-take. Bold as anything
was the article, "RANDOM EVENTS: The Hot Chili Peppers on the Tongue of Life"
by stoneman3x. "Whoa!" I whispered with a mix of awe and joy. "Today must be
my lucky day!" | 
