Onslaught of Snot by christinetran |  |
Lately, there has been a certain invasion of slimy and green infested
items/pets that are just dripping with the thing that we could only find in
certain unclean noses (and sometimes other places). From Crunchy Snot Balls
and Snotty Pens to poor Snotbunnies and the recently released Snot Meerca, if
you haven't noticed this sticky storm of green slime yet, then you must be one
of the many Neopians who think Lord Darigan is green, has three spikes of hair,
wears a black cloak, and tries to take over Neopia every chance he gets.
Getting back on our rather scummy topic, after the Neopets Team released our
very own trio of green glop Neopets, I decided that it was time for someone
to get to the bottom of this. I stated my thoughts to Tig, Bloo, Genee, and
Hopper, then sat back and waited for one of them to respond. After ten minutes
of boring nothingness, I realized that there was only one person in Neopia who
would be able to do what I wanted to be done... and, unfortunately, it was me.
So, with a down heart and a scared mind, I packed my things and entered the
scary world of Neopia in search of nothing in particular.
After many days of blackmailing, bribing, and blandishing a number of Neopians
(and sometimes things), I finally received enough dirt to dig up a rather dingy
article. I believed that a certain person was behind this snot assault, but
I was wrong, and I have narrowed it down to quite a few culprits, some of them
are famous denizens of Neopia, while the others are surprisingly quite unknown.
Meuka
If one thing in Neopia has even a small glimpse of snot on it, you can bet
your tail or Draik that Meuka could be the one behind it. This menacing Meerca
of mucus is just dripping (literally) with clues that led me to believe that
he was the leader of the Snot Invasion. Another thing that you should take into
account is the fact that there hasn't been any sign of Meuka lately... almost
as if he is hiding himself somewhere so that no one will ever became suspicious
of him! But too bad Meuka! I'm on to you, and I'm stalking you from one slimy
footprint to the other. By the way, I apologize if you really aren't the mastermind
behind this evil plan... please don't slime me.
Dr. Sloth
We have received more than enough clues from the Neopets Team, hinting at
the fact that the almighty and long-time gone evil genius is coming back; most
likely bigger and better than ever with an even larger army than before. The
last time we saw Dr. Sloth, he had his very own army of intimidating Grundos
and rock horrors. But now, what kind of army will Sloth release this time? I
know for a fact that Sloth won't use the same warriors and soldiers that he
used during the big Lost Desert War, since he is way too smart and cunning to
do that. Most likely, he will come out with something more hideous, more gruesome,
and possibly even more slimier than before! All three words faintly remind me
of something gruesome, hideous, and slimy! If you didn't catch my drift
yet, I'm talking about the snot items! Perhaps Dr. Sloth brainwashed the entire
Neopets Team and forced them to create hundreds of new snot items so that when
he finally reveals himself again, he'll have his very own gunky army that's
willing to fight situated right behind him.
Snotty Kaus
He's making a list
Checking it twice
Gonna find out whether you've been snotty or nice...
Yes, I'm very sure all of you have heard of Santa Kaus, but have any of you
ever heard of Snotty Kaus? I don't think so. It's probably because he's
too busy hiding in his mucus encrusted igloo in his hand-crafted mucus island
situated perfectly behind Terror Mountain. After much research, I finally found
the path that led to this awful place, but before I was able to take a quick
glimpse at Snotty Kaus, he sent his army of Snot Orbs after me. I was chased
for 3 straight miles before I was finally able to lose them; it seems like they
are incredibly shy of snow, because the moment my tired legs felt the soft flakes
underfoot, the Snot Orbs gave off a hideous screeching sound and floated back
towards their master. It's a fortunate event that I made it back alive, or else
I wouldn't be able to warn Neopia about Snotty Kaus. Who knows what he does
inside that igloo of his... he could be holding an entire army within the igloo
right now, just waiting for the perfect time to attack. But I could be wrong.
Slorgs
If I wrote this article a few days before the release of the unique
Mutant Slorg, I wouldn't have added Slorgs to my culprit list. Unfortunately,
I did write this after the Mutant Slorgs release, and that's the reason why
Slorgs are here. Did you ever feel sorry for Slorgs and how most people describe
them as 'funny-looking', 'gross', and 'ewww..." If you said no, then you're
exactly like me. I didn't give a dang ole dilly-o about Slorgs, since they've
been this funny looking for so long that it became a sort of natural thing.
It's because of these reasons that the Slorgs have decided to create Snot pets
and items. Snot is way grosser than Slorgs can ever be; they're even more slimy-looking
than the Mutant Slorg. If I had to choose between a Snotbunny and a Mutant Slorg,
I would've chosen the latter. I'm not exactly sure how Slorgs created these
snot based items, though, and I'm still trying to figure that out.
NeoFlu
In The Neopian Times Issue 122, their sponsor was the Neopian Pharmacy, and
above that were the words "It's NeoFlu Season" in big, black, and bold font.
Since it's NeoFlu season, there should be a surplus amount of Neopians and Neopets
who are down in bed, coughing, sneezing, and hacking out tons of mucus into
little dainty tissues that are throw into Stone Bins. Perhaps there were so
many mucus infested tissues that it overloaded the database and forced the Neopets
Team to figure out what to do with all this excess snot, and what better way
to get rid of it than to put on some gloves and fearfully shape them and dip
them and mold them into everyday Neopian items! They even left some snot in
their original form, such as the famous Runny Snot and the not-so-famous Mutant
Chia Snot. This was probably how the dung-infested items were created as well.
Alien Aishas
They are in charge of the Vending Machine and are creators of some of the
most inedible items that still litter the streets of Neopia. From Tonguewich's
to Maggot Stew, these Alien Aishas sure have weird food that they consider 'gourmet'.
So who else would be a better creator of the Lolly Snot and Crunchy Snot Birthday
Cupcake than the kings (and queens) of gross food themselves! Maybe they have
supplied the Neopets Team with so many snot related items that the NT were so
seduced by these slimy green horrors that they decided to create some as well.
The only question that still lingers on my mind is where in the world did those
Alien Aishas grab hold of so many gallons of snot? Maybe those extra ears on
their heads aren't exactly ears afterall...
Bogey Bunch
Perhaps the Neopets Team DIDN'T create the Snot Grundo, Meerca, and
Aisha. Perhaps they just appeared out of nowhere and the Neopets Team had no
choice but to acknowledge them on the news. Maybe that threesome of snot pets
are the masterminds behind this recent invasion. I call them the GMA, or the
Bogey Bunch. Somewhere off in Neopia, they're hiding in their lairs, planning
and plotting their evil plans to take over Neopia. Perhaps there the ones who
supplied the Neopets Team with all these recent Snot items, threatening to snot
them in their sleep if they don't duplicate and release those items upon the
helpless and unknowing citizens and dwellers of Neopia. I haven't discovered
their hiding place yet, but I shall someday. Until then, if you ever see some
brooding yellowish-green thing hiding behind a tree, inform me straight away
and I'll be on their tail in a microsecond.
Last but not least (or perhaps it is least)...
Psychological Disorder
Okay, so there is a possibility that I'm just overreacting and there isn't
an onslaught of snot. Maybe this is a certain phase that Neopets goes through
occasionally, such as the phase they had with killing each other off (Ski Lodge,
Sacrificers). All this could be just some figment of my head that sometimes
comes up and takes over my thoughts for a certain amount of time before they
finally rid themselves. But if one day you wake up and find out that Snot had
taken over Neopian and Adam is now Snadam and Donna is now Snonna, don't come
crying to me because I'll be too busy telling everyone who called me crazy "I
told you so!".
This is CT, snotting off (always wanted to say that).
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