The Dangers of NeoQuest by shidi | |
HILLS OF JUB - Perhaps you noticed an interesting feature about last week's
Times--it was 100% Shidi free! I received a few mails and messages asking if
I'd been kidnapped by the minions of Sloth, fallen victim to something that
had fallen out of the Krawk Hunter's Lair, or if I was taking a late summer
vacation. Well, my friends, while all of those things would have made for great
stories--the answer was none of the above. I spent a good week playing NeoQuest,
and getting practically no work done. As a result, my usual happy submissions
were notably delayed--and you, dear reader, get the joy of experiencing them
this week. Just pretend along with me that it's still last week as we explore
the dangers of NeoQuest together.
Lost Time
While playing NeoQuest, and battling the minions of darkness, I first noticed
this phenomenon when the daylight suddenly seemed to disappear. Yes, that ol'
trickster, the sun, just sort of dropped down out of the sky in a matter of
what seemed like minutes. Glancing at the clock, I realised that it had indeed
been hours that I'd spent wandering around and killing little de-furred Cybunny-like
critters. Oops. My kids reminded me of this fact even more vehemently when they
pounded on my door, yelling "Mom! What's for dinner?" I called back, "Furless
Cybunny!" but I don't think they were buying it.
Time seems to go by very quickly when you are using your skills and clicking
madly to defeat the evil ones. The rest of your life, however, is still going
at the same speed and requiring your attention. Before I knew it, I was out
of time to write for the week, and was finding myself saying things like 'no
one will miss me anyhow,' and 'uh… I'll get back to writing as soon as I defeat
this last lizard.'
Lost Money
If I actually had a 'real job' like most mortal beings, I'd have undoubtedly
found myself visiting the unemployment line after my rousing battle with Xantan.
Fortunately, having no such concerns, I didn't lose any of my real and actual
income. However, I did lose a lot of NP, as all the other games I usually play
for my Neopian income became vastly less important. Sure, you get paid for defeating
bosses and gaining levels in NeoQuest, but it's just not the same as a few rounds
of Gadgadsgame or Destruct-O-Match.
Also, I had no time for such trivial business as purchasing things to sell
in my shop, or pricing the things I already had in my shop. Who could think
about such concerns when the forces of the evil Jahbal were waiting? Daily free
things? Well, sometimes I took the time to click on them - but other times,
it just seemed like a waste of precious NeoQuest time. Must fight beasties…
must defeat minions of darkness…
Lost Sanity
After many days spent wandering around on NeoQuest, thinking about other
things becomes a difficult task. When you start dreaming of Skeletal Guardians
and Pygmy Elders, you know you've been playing far too long. Wishing you had
a NeoQuest plushie to sleep with is a sure sign you should stay away from the
game for a day or two. When you start wondering how many hit points each member
of your family actually has, and if you can manage to use your Shockwave on
them to get them to leave you alone for a few turns so you can play longer…
it's too late.
My sanity was perhaps a bit questionable to begin with (I have played Neopets
for over two years, after all.) I did notice a significant drop while I was
shaking my fist at the computer monitor and coming up with colourful phrases
to describe just what the lizards could go do for hitting me for that much damage.
Just Plain Lost
Much of your time in NeoQuest will be spent wondering where exactly you
are, and where you need to go next. I thought to alleviate this problem by locating
a few sites online that had NeoQuest maps up. Surely, with the map, there is
no way to get lost. Right? Wrong. Some of these maps are highly inaccurate in
areas… either that, or I really am the most misdirected person in Neopia.
While being lost can be incredibly frustrating, it's just one of the many
joys of NeoQuest, apparently. Relax, go with it, wander around until you find
something familiar and enjoy the experience points you get from defeating creatures
on your accidental journey. It's much better than throwing things at your computer.
I know this from experience.
Hope For the Addicted
I recovered from my NeoQuest addiction, and you can too. Really. If you're
reading this article instead of playing NeoQuest, it's a good sign. If you're
reading this article while playing NeoQuest, just stop clicking for a moment
and look here. The minions of evil will wait for you. Honest--they'll be there
the next time you log on, right where you left them. Try to divert your attention
from the game, and remember the more important things in life.
When was the last time you saw your family? Those people you live with, you
know… Your friends? The dog - did you remember to feed him, or has he run away
from home to live with someone without Internet access? Is the outdoors still,
you know… out there? Perhaps it's a good time to leave the computer and check
on some of your real world things. If this big step is too much for you, take
a little step first--check in on your pets and play a game with them instead.
Feed them, groom them, have a bit of pet fun.
Remember your guild - that place you haven't checked up on except to ask if
anyone had any good NeoQuest tips? You might want to drop in there and see if
people think you've moved to Siberia and changed your neoname. Get some human
contact - head out for the chat boards. After a bit of laughing, you'll be ready
to head back to your game.
As for me…
I'll be making the effort to play NeoQuest only a few hours a day, or less.
I'm trying to remember the more important things in my life (such as eating,
taking care of the family…) and the more enjoyable things in my online life
(writing for the Times, doing things with my guild, working on exciting plots
to take over the virtual world…). I hope you aren't offended by the fact that
this article contains no actual NeoQuest help whatsoever, because there is no
help for you once you start playing that game! Stay awayyyyy… you have been
warned. Now, where was I? Oh, no… lost again….
As always, if you have a question about the content of this article, or
would like to comment, complain, or otherwise let me know how you feel - Neomail
me. |