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Les Scruples was especially proud of himself. This time,
he'd really come up with a brilliant plan - and it didn't even involve Florg
in the slightest. Well, maybe, in a really abstract way, in that he'd thought
of the idea while playing a particularly invigorating round or two of Feed Florg,
but hey. No Kyrii is perfect, after all. Ever since Quivel, their former cameraman,
had quit the show to recover from his injures, Stevo and Keri had been searching
like crazy for a new replacement. Les had finally found that new replacement,
and was heading down to the Krawk Lair, pleased as could be.
"Stevo! Keri! Come quick!" Les called. Convinced
that he'd gotten himself into some sort of trouble, Stevo and Keri hurried out
of the Krawk Lair and looked him over.
"What is it mate?" Stevo exclaimed. "Did a poisonous
Cobrall bite you?"
"Did someone rob the Souvenir Shop?" Keri demanded.
"Nothing like that - this is good news!" Les
declared, and moved aside to show them who he'd brought with them. A small green
Pteri waved his wing cheerfully. "This is Monty, our new cameraman!"
"Where?" Stevo asked. "All I see is a Pteri."
"That's me!" Monty chirped cheerfully. "I'm
your new cameraman!"
"Don't be silly, Les…a five pound Pteri can't
possibly carry a ten pound camera," Stevo scoffed.
"Well, he could grip it by the camera strap…."
Les said.
"It's not a question of where he grips it,"
Stevo grumbled. "It's a matter of the weight ratio."
"Well, maybe if we hired another camera Pteri,
and they held the camera on the strap between them…" Les pondered.
"Enough!" shouted Keri, making her very scary
angry face. All three - Les, Stevo, and Monty, recoiled in instinctive horror.
"Take the blasted camera - and if you can't fly with it, you're out of a job,
greeny!" With that, she stomped into the Lair to fetch it.
"Is…is… Mrs. Furwin … always so…" Monty stammered,
unable to form a sentence.
"Riled?" Stevo supplied.
"She's only that bad when Stevo and her have
been fighting…" Les chuckled. "Fighting?" asked Monty, blinking. "What about?"
"I don't know, but ol' Stevo here was sleeping
on the couch in the lounge last night…" Les chuckled.
"Blimey, Les! You don't have to tell everyone
about that…" Stevo said, embarrassed. "Keri's not too thrilled with our next
location, that's all…"
"Next location?" gasped Monty. "Is it… d…d…d…dangerous?"
"Of course! It's choc-o-bloc full of mutant
Krawks, all hideously deformed and terribly riled! We're going on walkabout
into the sewers of Neopia Central!" Stevo said, waving his paws wildly, with
a big grin on his face.
"Correction!" snapped Keri, coming out with
the camera. "You're going to the sewers - I'm staying right here at the Lair!
There is no way I'm gong to someplace so stinky. Can you imagine how long it
would take straighten out my fur after?"
"Well, sweety, even Shidi went into the sewers
this week, to get a special investigative report…" Stevo pleaded.
"Shidi, Shidi, Shidi! I'm so sick of hearing
about that lady! If you like her so much, why don't you just divorce me, and
marry her?" Keri cried.
"Blimey! How can you say that, Keri? She's our
sponsor!" Les blinked. "If she doesn't pay up for the expenses of the show,
we might be… canceled. We'd have to get real jobs, and I'd never have time to
Feed Florg, and we'd wind up homeless and begging for spare NP at the money
tree."
"I don't care!" Keri growled. "I'm glad her
cardboard effigy got decapitated last week! You should find us a new sponsor!
Maybe that Epk fellow - he writes for the Times a lot!"
"No new sponsors!" Stevo snapped. "We're Shidi,
all the way."
"Well, then maybe you can go live at her NeoHome
when I kick you out of the Krawk Lair!" Keri snapped, storming back in and slamming
the door behind her.
Les stared at the door in disbelief. He'd seen
Stevo and Keri have some fights before, but she'd never kicked him out of the
Lair, ever. If Stevo got kicked out… who would be next? "Blimey… if she kicks
me out… I'll never get to play Florg on the computer again! Stevo, you've got
to get us back into the Lair!"
"She'll calm down by the time we get back from
the sewer, mate - no worries," Stevo said, though he sounded a bit less than
sure.
Monty looked like a pretty petrified Pteri.
He wasn't so sure he wanted this job anymore. Nevertheless, he strapped the
camera around his neck and flew for all he was worth. It was heavy, but he could
get all the good angles by flying up close… hopefully.
The trio headed for Neopia Central in silence,
Stevo still sulking quietly about his fight with Keri, and Les still worried
about the future of his favourite pastime. Monty was just trying not to topple
over from exhaustion - long trip, heavy camera… not good. But finally, here
they were, in the middle of Neopia Central, headed for the manhole.
"Here we are, about to embark on our most dangerous
journey yet…" said Stevo, a bit less enthusiastically than usual. "I'm here
with only my best mate Les for companionship as we go to explore the wild sewers
and search for the mutant Krawks that are rumoured to hide in its depths! Before
we go down there, might I take a moment to remind you of our wonderful sponsor,
Shidi…."
Les held up the crudely drawn picture of Shidi
that was the best he came up with after a week of trying to get a new cut-out
made. Maybe by next week they'd have something better, but for now, Monty focused
on the picture - a smiling face with scribble in hair, big wings, and a lump
that may have been a body. Les wasn't exactly artistic.
"When you need an article that's really great,
or just someone your wife will hate - call the gal who gets Stevo in trouble
- and she'll come and write for you on the double! It's Shidi… who hopefully
won't stop funding these expeditions just because of the unfortunate demise
of her cardboard cut-out…" Stevo said, a bit nervously.
"We love you, Shidi - please don't dump us -
Stevo may be homeless and we need all the NP we can get!" Les chimed in.
Monty blinked. They were having financial issues?
He'd better get paid for this!
"Yeah, yeah… enough about my problems… on to
the Krawks!" Stevo said, mustering up some excitement. "These sewers sure are
stinky, whoo-whee! I can smell the stench from here! Let's go down, Les! After
you!"
"Thanks, Stevo." Said Les, dryly, as he climbed
on down into the muck below. Stevo followed Les into the labyrinth-like sewer
system. The walls were moist, dank stone, and a river of nasty brown sewage
flowed by. The occasional piece of Tiki Tack junk bobbled along merrily in the
nasty brown river, but there were no signs of Krawks.
"Well, well, well… if it isn't Stevo Furwin..."
called a familiar voice.
"Blimey!" cried Stevo "It's me old mate, Matt!
I haven't seen him in years! Isn't this wild?" Stevo turned to face the coverall-clad
blue Wocky sitting somewhat crankily on his surfboard in the midst of the river
of sewage. "I thought you were eaten by wild Bearogs a long time ago!"
"Well, dude…" Matt said with a sigh, as the
camera Pteri fluttered over to get a close-up, "Life hasn't exactly been a bed
of roses."
"I'll say…" muttered Les, sniffing their stench-ridden
surroundings.
"Well, we're here on the trail of mutant Krawks...
but before we get started, let's see what happened to me former best mate turned
sewer lurker, Matt the Wocky," Stevo said cheerfully, smiling for the camera.
Monty hovered overhead, panting slightly.
"Well, Stevo, you know I'm a pacifist. I just
couldn't fight in that whole Tyrannian war gig, so when Grarrg tried to draft
me into his army, I just fled back to Neopia Central. I figured I should lay
low for a while, so when I read about this job… well, this is as low as it gets.
But this sewer's a wreck! I've been down here so long, I bet my sweetheart is
going to be angry when I return…" Matt sighed. "I've still got the engagement
ring that I was going to give her…" He took a Stunning Gold Ring out of his
coverall pocket - it was remarkably shiny, considering the conditions.
"What's her name, Matty?" called Les. "We can
give her a lookup and let her know you're still thinking about her."
"Ah, the lovely Acara's name was Keri Nightblade…"
Matt sighed wistfully.
"Blimey!" Les said, "Wasn't that your wife's
name, before you married her, Stevo?"
"What?!" shouted Matt, brandishing his wrench.
"Now, now… don't get riled…" Stevo said… backing
up a bit hastily. "You can have her back if you really want her!"
"Ragggghhh!" said Matt, a bit crazed from years
of breathing nothing but methane gas, and the heat of the moment. He whacked
Stevo right over the noggin with his mighty tool. Stevo toppled backwards, towards
the river of sewage, but reached out and grappled with Matt to try and drag
him along. All he managed to grab was the stunning gold ring… a moment before
he landed in the pool of poo with a nasty, stinky splash.
"Ahhh!" shouted Les, as Stevo began to float
away. He was stuck between staying here where it was relatively clean and taking
his chances with a slightly psychotic Matt, or diving into the river to save
his best friend. Les thought hard about all the moments they'd spent together…
those times Stevo had let him go first into danger… the times Les had nearly
been killed… and he nearly decided to stay put. Then Matt charged with the wrench,
and made his decision easy. He jumped into the mucky river and followed Stevo
to points unknown. Monty flew after them as fast as he could, taping the whole
thing.
"And don't come back, you woman-stealing, petpet-loving
freak!" Matt called after them.
"I don't see any Krawks…" commented Monty. "Do
I still get paid?"
Epilogue
Hours later, the sludge-covered duo arrived
back at the Krawk Lair. Keri was lying in wait for Stevo, ready to tell him
that she'd had more than enough, and lay into him for another round of complaints.
Her mouth was opening wide, and her eyes were glowing that special red colour
that indicated it was time to run and hide. Les and Monty did just that, but
Stevo was too exhausted, injured, and filthy to flee. He collapsed to the ground,
one paw extended, with the remarkably clean golden ring he'd snatched from Matt
still there.
"Stevo!" cried Keri, and he thought it was all
over. He closed his eyes and waited for the worse… but she reached down, and
scooped up the ring.
"I can explain…" he muttered weakly.
"What a stunning gold ring! I can't believe
you remembered our anniversary!" she gushed, "It's perfect! I love you so much!"
With that, she hauled him into the Krawk Lair for a bath and a much-deserved
hug.
The End
Author's Note: The parody in this story is intentional, and the characters
used in it reside on the account Krawk_Files.
As always, thank you for reading, and feel free to Neomail
me if you've got a question, comment, or are just feeling a bit riled! | 
