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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 28th day of Running, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 132 > Articles > The Pointy-ness of Darigan

The Pointy-ness of Darigan

by yadoking

NEOPIA CENTRAL - We’ve all seen them, Darigan pets. Perhaps taking a dark-and-stormy midnight stroll, we saw one illuminated by a well-timed flash of lightning. Perhaps winding through the alleyways of the “evil” parts of Neopia, we saw many of them through a grimy window, cackling evilly to each other. Or maybe, just maybe, one of your very own pets is Darigan.

In any case, I’m sure we’ve all noticed something that they all have in common. No, not the colour purple— the Darigan Grarrl, Zafara, Moehog and the legendary Darigan Pteri (as of which none have been seen, except in ye olde tomes of yore) have no trace of purple adorning them. Is it the red, glaring, undoubtedly scheming eyes? Yes, well, they have all those, but I’m talking about something far more important… Their pointy-ness.

You hear me. Perhaps almost all Neopets are very cuddly, in some way or another. Yet not once they’ve gone over to the Darigan side. If you try cuddling one of them, countless barbs, spines, spikes, thorns, claws and teeth get in the way. Strange, is it not? My question, and no doubt yours, is this:

Why are Darigan pets pointy?

I shall explore a few of my theories, perhaps debunking some of them in the process.

Theory #1:

They are pointy for self-defense purposes.

Evaluation: True, being pointy can protect one from unwanted cuddling by over-eager owners. Yet what are a few spikes of self-defense compared to the other methods of defense Darigan pets undoubtedly have? Let’s face it, Darigan pets are very expensive pets to have, so their owners must indeed be rolling in Neopoints. And of course rich owners= well equipped points. So this pointy-ness is redundant, so it cannot be for self-defense. Scratch that.

Theory #2:

They are pointy in order to make them look more evil and less cute.

Evaluation: First of all, pointy does not mean evil. Second of all, pointy does not mean less cute. The Darigan Techo is positively shmoogly. Next theory.

Theory #3:

To emphasize the contrast to Meridell buildings and icons.

Evaluation: This does have some merit. Meridell castle is round and square in different parts, but never pointy. I shall investigate this.

As I gaze upon the landscape of Meridell, scribbling furiously on my round notebook (which, by the way, is not pointy), I can confirm this theory. The roundness of the Turdles and the Turmaculus, the round tables, the round houses in Illusen’s Grove— no points in sight. Yes, so this third theory must be at least partly the reason why Darigan pets are so pointy. Next theory.

Theory #4:

Darigan’s real enemy is Maraqua, not Meridell. Meridell is merely a decoy.

Evaluation: Now we’re talking! What can be more round than everything about what Maraqua was? Let’s look at the few surviving items of Maraquan culture:

The Maraquan chef. A Flotsam, one of the smoothest Neopets around. If you’re about to open your mouth and protest that he has a giant pointy horn growing out of his head, quiet. I’m on a roll, don’t burst my bubble.

Remember what Maraqua used to look like? Domes, I tell you! Domes! The least pointy structure possible!

And the “Maraquan Pets”? I haven’t been scuba-diving so I haven’t seen real ones, but from the pictures they’re roundest, smoothest and therefore least pointy pets around.

Darigan’s true enemy, as deeply symbolized by their contrast of pointy-Ness versus roundness, is Maraqua. Darigan is a very powerful enemy to have… and look what happened to Maraqua! Don’t believe the history books, Darigan did it. Darigan.

Great theory, isn’t it?

Theory #5:

Lord Darigan is the biggest fan of pointy-Ness around.

Evaluation: This, in fact, is the most valid theory. Look at his citadel— just gazing at it, floating above the Meridell landscape, I feel as if my eyes are being assaulted. It is the epitome of structural pointy-ness-icity. (Yes, that is indeed a word. For now.) Lord Darigan no doubt was the biggest fan of said pointy-ness-icity that Neopia has ever seen. However, and you must have been expecting this:

Why does Lord Darigan like pointy-ness so much?

Simply rehashing my last four theories shall never do, so I must go straight to the source: I must go to Lord Darigan himself.

Donning my anti-pointy suit (which is in fact a blue grass skirt), I shall make my way to where he currently resides.

And here I am. (Do no ask how I got here, let us just say that Neopian Times Writers have connections.)

And now for a transcript of the interview:

Me: Lord Darigan, why do you like pointy things so much?

Lord Darigan: What? How did you get here? Guards? GUARDS!

At which point (no pun intended) I was promptly ushered out of his lair, and kicked out of the very pointy door. Ouch. But a reporter must never give up their search for the truth, so I shall try again. This time with a disguise: instead of donning my anti-pointy-blue-grass skirt, I shall don my disguised-anti-pointy-blue-grass-skirt. I simply found some hair gel and gelled the grass into many points. Effortlessly and inscrutably disguised as I am as a Darigan supporter, I shall try again.

And now for a transcript of the second interview:

Lord Darigan: Hello there, friend. I do admire your pointy blue grass-skirt.

Me: Thank you very much. I have a question for you.

Lord Darigan: Shoot.

Me: Why do you like pointy things so much?

Lord Darigan: Oh, what a good question! You see, when I was a little child, all the other children made fun of me. They called me “Dairy-gone Bad.” Imagine that! Dairy-gone Bad! The worst of those little children was Skarl, the little rascal. One day, he was chasing me through the fields, shouting all sorts of horrible things. I happened upon a pit filled with thorns, and I had a brilliant idea— I covered up the pit with sticks and leaves and hid behind a rock. Skarl of course fell into the pit, all the while screaming “Ow! Pointy! OW! POINTY!” And I laughed and laughed. From that day onward, I have always had a love of pointy things!

So there you have it, good readers. One, no TWO of Neopia’s greatest mysteries have been solved before your very eyes! Yet I am not nearly finished. There are so many more enigmas to be solved in Neopia, and I shall not rest until I have done just that!

Signing off,

Yadoking.

Many thanks to the Neopian Times Writers Forum.

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