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Keet: Howdy howdy howdy! Welcome back to the Paperclip Show, the show
where our two horribly menacing hosts kidnap famous Neopian characters and coerce
them into spitting their most guarded secrets!
Keet and Sam: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Keet: Ah, it's good to have you back Sam.
Sam: It's good to be back. Let's all put our hands together for today's
esteemed guest... DR. FRANK SLOTH!
Audience: Yay! *puts hands together*
Dr_Death: *pokes head around curtain* So you all clap for him and not
me? Hmf!
Keet: *holds the knot of rope dangling next to her menacingly* Don't
make me use this!
Dr_Death: *disappears*
Sam: So anyway, where the Borovan is Sloth?
The lights go out suddenly. Several people in the audience scream.
Scary Voice: Ha ha ha. You puny mortals think you're so invincible just
because you've defeated my armies twice. You think you can just send out your
worthless, pathetic little Neopets to "capture" me. You think--
Keet: *flicks light switch and light go back on* I think it's time to
cut out the dung. Sloth. SIT. *points to chair*
Dr. Sloth: *whimpers and drops scary microphone in his haste to sit*
Sam: So much for Neopia's greatest evil. Let's hear it Keet, tamer of
chicken-headed villains! *pokes Sloth with stick*
Dr. Sloth: Not fair. I tried my hardest to be evil and take over
your sad, backwards little world. I really did. But you just had to fight back,
didn't you?
Keet: I remember disposing of several of your lame Grundo Troopers way
back during the Lost Desert battle. Come on, they were purple!
Dr. Sloth: Purple can be a very evil color if used correctly.
Sam: Agreed, but let's stress the word "if" and point out that you did
not. And by the way Keet-- *checks Keet's trophies* --how was the battle
against those *pathetic* armies, mm?
Keet: *cackles* Let's move on to the first question, no? Kryssa43 asks,
"Mister Doctor Sloth sir, who's your hairdresser? Did you turn him into a pile
of sludge? Because, you know, you really should."
Dr. Sloth: What? Leo is, like, simply the best! He, like, does such
a fab job! *twirls hair around finger* This is simply the, like, latest style
on Elipsilon 7!
Sam: Erm, and was it also the latest when you showed up sporting those--things
two years ago?
Dr. Sloth: -.- Well I have been away from home a while.
Keet: Ah, so this Elipsilon 7 is your home world? At last we know where
to target our dung-torpedoes-that-fly-across space! *presses random red button*
Outside the studio, some holes open up in the ground and out of them shoot
four smelly missiles.
Dr. Sloth: Erm, what was that.
Sam: *evil grin* Nothing! But anyway, xbirdie asks, "Are you single?"
Oy veigh.
Dr. Sloth: Am I single? You've got to be kidding me! I'm Evil
Space Overlords And Planetary Tyrants Magazine's most eligible bachelor of the
year! *snort* What, like everyone doesn't read that mag?
Keet: Not quite. But what I wouldn't give for a subscription of the
Neo 'zine, right?
Sam: *nods* But I already have the white Aisha plushie.
Keet: Me too, so let's not buy it, shall we? *shakes head* Anyway,
we were on the topic of Sloth's bachelorhood, so let me move on to the
next question, which happens to be related. Or should I say questions... so
many people asked. "Do you actually have a crush on or romantic feelings for
Jhudora?" is from cornflowerof_redwall.
Sam: "Do you really like Jhudora, the most evil Dark Faerie in Neopia,
and how could you ever like HER?" from wolverines_chic.
Keet: And chanellouie, "Is it true that you really love Jhudora, that
unattractive Faerie who has a thing for purple and green?" There were a lot
more, but...
Dr. Sloth: *turns beet red* That blasted comic! Curse that lugia!
Now there's someone I need to turn into sludge! She who dare reveal my--*gasp*
Keet and Sam: *eyes widen and evil grins spread* REVEAL YOUR MOST HIDEOUS
SECRET?
Dr. Sloth: O.O;; I said nothing!
Sam: Hehehe, suuuuure.
Dr. Sloth: *pulls out big ray gun* Next question.
Keet: Ai, ok!
Sam: Pjcuy asks, "What do you feed your Grundos?"
Dr. Sloth: Me? Feed those pitiful creatures? Never! I have other Grundo
slaves to do that.
Sam: So who feeds those ones?
Dr. Sloth: What ones?
Keet: The ones that feed the others.
Dr. Sloth: They feed themselves. And the others.
Sam: But what do they eat?
Dr. Sloth: >P DUNG!
Keet: Yuck. Which brings us to fierytigerdemon_10's question. "Why does
your breath stink?" Let me guess, you share meals with the Grundos?
Dr. Sloth: INSOLENT HUMANS! I WILL BE YOUR OVERLORD AND YOU WILL BE
MY UNHAPPY SERVANTS!
Sam: That's all fine and dandy, but it just serves to prove the breath
problem. I can smell it even more when you scream. C'mon, you been feasting
at the Meridell Rubbish Dump lately, Slothy?
Dr. Sloth: Slothy? I am Master Sloth to you! No, just Master. Evil
Master.
Keet: Evil Master? Funny, I distinctly remembering a certain green and
purple dark Faerie who lives on a poisonous cloud at the edge of Faerieland
and gives out quests and hates Illusen calling herself the "future Evil Mistress
of Neopia." Does that mean you're engaged?
Sam: OoooOooooh. Slothy and Jhudora, sitting in a space station or poisonous
cloud, holding hands and zapping Flouds!
Keet: Hey, not bad. Oh wait, yes it was.
Sam: Heh, thanks. Now answer the question Sloth, or you'll be hearing
more bad rhymes.
Dr. Sloth: I don't even remember the question!
Keet: You eat at the Rubbish Dump.
Dr. Sloth: That's not a question!
Sam: Course not, 'cause we all know it's true.
Keet: But now onto another question; a real one. "Are you really
a Sloth? I like Sloths! *cuddle*" asks/says faerie_angel5562.
Dr. Sloth: Then faerie_angel5562 must be destroyed. I am not a Sloth!
And nobody can cuddle me!
Sam: Except Jhudora, right?
Dr. Sloth: Except Jhudora. HEY!
Keet: Ba-hahaha! Good work Sam! Onto the last reader question.
Sam: "What's 11 x 89?" asks sibsag_sibsag. Oh jays...
Dr. Sloth: 978, of course. Fools, think you can stump Dr. Frank Sloth!
Ha-ha!
Keet: 979, actually. Sorry, but you lose. You get... THE BOOBY PRIZE!
*pulls knotted rope*
Sloth falls through a trapdoor that suddenly appears below his chair. It
then springs shut.
Sam: That is one cool rope. Wonder what it'll do next week.
Keet: Probably spit fire. But I know there are quite a few people who
are wondering what we're doing next week.
Sam: Oh yes, indeed. For next week is the FINAL episode of the Paperclip
Show!
Keet: The grand finale.
Sam: The end.
Keet: The conclusion.
Sam: The big cheese.
Keet: The big cheese? You crazy. But anyway, next week, being
the last episode as we may have mentioned--
Sam: May have.
Keet: --Will be the ultimate episode as well. You can send in questions
to ANY Neopian character. You can ask Darigan, Edna, Balthazar, Osiri, Tyrannia--
Sam: Tyrannia's not a character.
Keet: It is now. Point being: ANYONE at all. Preferably someone who
has not been on the show before, but those will be considered as well.
Sam: This is gonna be one crowded stage...
Keet: Already too crowded, if you ask me. *pulls rope* Bye, guys!
A roller coaster car comes speeding up the stage, stopping in front of the
hosts. They step in and it speeds off into a northerly sunset that has just
appeared.
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