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CREATE-A-PET CENTER - I recently decided to create a fourth pet. I'm not sure
what possessed me to do it, but it was pretty much a spur of the moment thing.
I also decided to make that pet a Grundo. That's another thing I was mysteriously
possessed to do. But I discovered that I have a knack for doing something that
I never realized before. I have a talent for making an extremely weak and pathetic
pet.
It's not easy to keep a pet's stats horribly bad, and it's certainly not easy
to make them even worse than when you got him. But if you're tired of
all those incredibly strong genius Neopets wandering around Neopia and want
a a pet that is unique, then I have a whole bunch of tips for you. Follow these
simple steps and you will have a splendidly geeky pet in no time at all.
STEP #1: Creating a Pathetic Pet
There are two ways to get a really awful Neopet. You can create one to be
as weak and stupid as humanly possible, or you can simply adopt one that already
is. I highly recommend going to the Adoption Center in Pet Central and adopting
one. Not only are these losers there because they are losers, but they
usually have the added bonus of a really terrible name too. However, if you
have your heart set on creating your very own personalized pathetic pet, here
are some tips to help you get started.
The weakest species of Neopet is a Grundo. They all start out with very low
stats in general. The idea is that Dr. Sloth captured these guys, brain-washed
them to be real dum dums and then brought back the really weak ones to be his
slaves. So basically Dr. Sloth has already done most of your work for you. Isn't
he a great guy? Every Grundo also starts out dim-witted, which is the lowest
rung of the intelligence ladder. So the best worst Neopet you can create is
a Grundo. Keep in mind that Grundos cannot be created at the "Create A Pet"
link on the yellow side bar. If you go there, it will say it is a "restricted"
pet. You have to go to the Virtupets Space Station and click on the "Adopt a
Grundo" link.
The only really bad thing about Grundos is that they come in cool colors like
brown and purple. If you want a pet that no one will ever envy you for, then
the last thing you want to do is give it a cool color. So if you decide to get
yourself a Grundo, make sure you pick a boring color like blue or green for
it. And there is another minor drawback to Grundos that you should keep in mind.
When you "adopt" one, you can't re-roll the stats to try to get worse stats.
You are stuck with what you get the first time. But I wouldn't worry about that
too much. All Grundos start out pretty pathetic.
However, if you really don't want a Grundo because they are actually kind
of cool, in a gibberish-backwards-speaking kind of way, then pop over to "Create
A Pet". If you want a Neopet that hardly anyone even wants, the most unpopular
Neopets are the Lenny and the Tuskaninny. I would definitely go with the Lenny.
The Lenny comes with the extra appeal of also starting out with fairly unimpressive
stats. The Nimmo and the Quiggle aren't half good in the stat department too,
so either one of them would make a lovely terrible pet as well.
STEP #2: Giving Your Pet a Bad Name
The first thing you will need to do when you are creating a pathetic pet is
to give it a really horrible name. This is absolutely critical. Many pets have
lost the opportunity to be the objects of extreme pity because their owners
gave them cool names by mistake. If you are terrible at thinking up stupid names,
here are some suggestions to help you out:
Use the word "Neo" in your pet's name. If you can use the word twice, that's
even better. Here is a great example I saw at the pound: NeO50000neo
Misspell your pet's name. Make the mistake as painfully obvious as possible.
Here is a great example I saw at the pound: VOCANO570
Use a ridiculously long string of numbers in your pet's name. Here is a great
example I saw at the pound: acara123456789109243
Select a name that is actually rather rude, obnoxious or gross. Here is a
great example I saw at the pound: I_EAT_POO56
Use your pet's species as part of it's name. If you should ever decide to
change the species of your pet, then this name will seem even more silly. Here
is a great example I saw at the pound: Shoyru_Neo_777
Give your pet an actual human name. This has a lot more impact if it is not
even YOUR name. Here is a great example I saw at the pound: Jessica_neoclark
I think it's obvious at this point that the quickest, most efficient and most
rewarding way to get a lousy pet is to take one of the cast-offs in the Adoption
Center. This is an excellent way to go. Someone else has done all the hard work
of giving your pet a bad name and poor stats, but you get brag about it being
an adopted pet on it's pet page. Everyone will applaud YOU for your noble deed.
STEP #3: Giving Your Pet a Cruddy Start
If you have decided to create your very own wimpy pet instead of adopting
one, then the next step after you have created it and named it, is to "roll"
the stats for it. The Create A Pet page allows you five chances, or five "rolls"
to make the strength, defense, speed (move), health (hit points) and intelligence
(IQ) of your pet as rotten as you can. Since the stats are usually the worst
with the fourth or fifth roll, never accept any of the first few rolls of the
stats. Of course, it is like a lottery. You could wind up with better stats
for your pet than you anticipated, but that's the chance we all have to take.
STEP #4: Keeping Your Pet's Stats Horrible
Now that you have a pet with a dumb name and really low stats, it's absolutely
vital that you avoid rookie mistakes that accidentally raise those stats. Here
are some stat raisers that you need to steer away from at all costs:
Coltzan's Shrine: Visiting this place will almost certainly raise the stats
of a weak pet. If you feel the need to visit the shrine for the sake of another
pet you may have, make sure that your pathetic pet is not your active pet when
you go there.
Quests: Doing random faerie quests will raise the stats of one of your pets.
I would advise against doing them at all because the faeries could decide to
be very mean and cruel and bless your pathetic pet instead of one of your others.
The Kitchen Quest on Mystery Island could also raise the stats of a pet chosen
at random, so you may want to stay away from there too.
Games: Doing the Faerie Crossword or playing Cliffhanger could raise the IQ
of your pet. Poogle Solitaire comes with the double-whammy of not only raising
your pet's IQ a point, it could give him a speed boost too. If you have to play
these games, make sure your scrawny little buddy is not your active pet.
Neggs: Some neggs will increase the intelligence or stats of the pet that
you feed the negg to. Since the Negg Faerie doesn't list which neggs will do
something like that, I would just avoid feeding any neggs at all to your feeble
friend.
STEP #5: Lowering Your Pet's Stats
Sometimes something will happen to make your pet stronger that you just can't
avoid. There is a nasty little Jubjub that pops up as a random event that will
raise your Neopet's level, for example. But if you are really dedicated to having
a wimpy pet, you can actually do a couple of things that will lower his stats.
In order to be dim-witted, your pet has to have less than five IQ points.
If you are unlucky enough to have a pet with average intelligence, there is
a great way to make him stupid. All you have to do is feed him Glamour Neggs.
I know I told you to stay away from neggs, but this one is the exception. It
usually only takes a couple of these neggs to plunge your pet to total brainlessness.
There is nothing more annoying than having a Neopet with too many hit points.
Fortunately there is a way to fix that problem. Feeding a Bad Toadstool to your
pet will cause him to lose three hit points. Although the Apothecary in the
Haunted Woods is no longer available, you can still buy these things in private
shops.
There is one more way to lower the stats of your pathetic pal, but it is also
the most dangerous way because it could raise his stats instead or paint him
a cool color. If you collect all nine pieces to the Secret Laboratory Map, you
will have access to the Lab Ray. Zapping him could cause him to lose a whole
bunch of points in any category or even reset his level back to Level 1. You
can really mess up a pet a whole lot doing this, but you could also accidentally
make him better. If you feel daring and want to take that chance, my advice
is to keep a record of the exact times that you zap him and if something wonderfully
bad happens, then you should keep taking him back at the same time.
STEP #6: Creating the Illusion of Patheticness
If you still aren't satisfied that your Neopet is the worst he can possibly
be, there are ways to make him at least seem worse than he really is.
Here are a couple of suggestions to help you create a well-rounded sympathy
magnet:
If he happens to be lucky enough to get a disease, under no circumstances
should you do anything that will cure him. Do NOT buy the remedy for him. Avoid
taking him to the Healing Springs. Be very careful about playing the Wheel of
Excitement, because he could accidentally be healed from that too. There is
nothing more pathetic than a weak pet with a disease, so try to enjoy it as
long as possible.
A great way to create a bad stat for your pet is to make sure he has a losing
Battledome record. Equip him with worthless weapons like a Rainbow Gun or a
Serf Lens. Then have him fight the strongest guys on your Battledome Challengers
list. I would definitely recommend battling the Snowager. When your pet loses,
simply buy a cheap healing potion for him and send him back into the Battledome.
Do this several thousand times. Your pet will have the most glorious loss record
in all of Neopia. This is certainly something to be very proud of.
If you are a terrible artist, this can be a big bonus for your pet. Draw the
worst picture you can of him and enter it in the Beauty Contest. Make sure you
don't even vote for him yourself. A pet with zero votes in the Beauty Contest
is just about as pathetic as you can get.
I know that creating and maintaining a pathetic pet can be a lot of work.
But with patience and determination you can have the worst Neopet in all of
Neopia. And by golly, this will make all of your hard effort worthwhile, right?
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