TROPHY CABINET - My recent unsuccessful stab at trying to solve the Gadgadsbogen
Puzzle before several other million people in Neopia has made me aware of something
very important that I hadn't noticed before. There just aren't enough trophies
out there for people who are terrible at everything.
Okay, I admit I DO have a couple of trophies, so maybe I don't have the right
to complain, but I still think there could be more Neopets trophies.
After all, not everyone has a super computer with laser-ray quick connection
speed. And not everyone has no life whatsoever so they can devote all their
time and energy to getting ridiculously high scores on flash games. So after
a great deal of thought (about fifteen seconds), I have come up with some Neopets
trophy suggestions that will allow more ordinary people to have a shot at getting
one.
The Unhappy Zappy Award: The bronze version of this trophy would be
awarded to anyone who has had their level 25 or above Neopet zapped back down
to level 1 by the Lab Ray. The silver trophy would go to anyone who has had
the species of their Neopet changed by the Lab Ray after it has been
entered in the Beauty Contest. And the gold trophy would be awarded to any Neopet
who has had their gender changed by the Lab Ray, especially if that pet claims
to have a "special friend" in its pet profile.
The Loaded Dice Award: This lovely polka-dot cube award would make
an excellent prize for the Dice-A-Roo-challenged people of Neopia. If you lose
on the first throw of the dice three times in a row you get the bronze trophy.
If you lose on the first throw of the dice five times in a row you get the silver
trophy. And if you make it all the way up to the highest level five times in
a row and lose all five times, you not only get a gold trophy, you also get
a Lucky Die as a nice gift.
The Really Nosy Award: This trophy would be for anyone who gets a question
into the Editorial section of The Neopian Times. Any question that gets in would
automatically earn a bronze trophy. However, to get a silver trophy, the answer
to the question has to contain the phrase, "I'll have to ask Adam". In order
to get the gold version of the trophy, the response to the question must either
be less than five words with smiley at the end of it or contain the word "duh".
The Black Cloud Award: The third place trophy would be awarded to anyone
who has had something stolen by both the Pant Devil and the Ice Devil in the
same day. The second place trophy would be awarded to anyone who has has something
stolen by the Pant Devil, the Ice Devil and the Shadow Usul in the same day.
And the first place trophy would be awarded to anyone who has had something
stolen by the Pant Devil, the Ice Devil, the Shadow Usul, the Grundo Commander
and lost Neopoints to the Ghosts in the same day. And had something zapped into
sludge by Dr. Sloth. Like your Fake Lucky Cybunny Foot.
The Ice Cube Award: This trophy would adorn the user lookup of anyone
who has been frozen by Neopets because someone stole their account but actually
managed to get unfrozen and get their account back. The silver trophy would
go to anyone who was justly frozen but managed to talk Neopets into unfreezing
them. The glittering gold trophy would go to anyone who was justly frozen but
managed to talk Neopets into unfreezing them. Twice.
The Money Tree Award: This cherished bronze-colored prize would go
to anyone who has donated more than 500 items to the Money Tree in a single
day-- without using "Quick Stock". To get the silver version, all you would
have to do is successfully grab something off of the Money Tree five times in
a row. To win the ultimate gold prize, you would have to not only donate 500
items to the Money Tree-- but you would have to grab your own items back off
it... five times in a row.
The Splotchlight Award: This lovely addition to your trophy cabinet
would be awarded to the worst gallery, the worst pet page, the worst petpet
page and the worst site page submitted for consideration for the Gallery Spotlight,
the Pet Spotlight, the Petpet Spotlight and the Site Spotlight each week. At
least with this award no one will wonder why it won.
The Writer's Cramp Award: The bronze trophy would be displayed proudly
in the user lookup of anyone who has more than 125 accepted names on their Neofriend
list. The silver would be for anyone who has more than 200 accepted names on
their Neofriend list. And the lovely golden broken keyboard icon would go to
anyone who has more than 300 accepted names on their Neofriend list and who
doesn't even belong to a guild.
The Total Wimp Award: This impressive bronze statue would grace the
top of your trophy cabinet if you have a level 15 or above Neopet with more
than 25 hit points and still manage to lose to the Chia Clown in the Battledome.
In order to get the silver trophy, you would have to have a level 25 or above
Neopet with more than 50 hit points and still manage to lose to the Chia Clown
in the Battledome. But in order to get the coveted gold trophy, you would have
to have a level 40 or above Neopet with more than 75 hit points and have never
even fought with that Neopet in the Battledome from the moment it was created
until its first birthday. That may seem like an awful lot of codestones and
Dubloons to waste on a pet for no reason whatsoever, so aren't you glad there
will now be a trophy for it?
The Gourmet Petpet Award: Of course this award can only be given out
if the Turmaculus ever returns to Meridell. But if he does, then third place
would automatically go to anyone who has had a level 3 or above petpet eaten
by the Turmaculus. Second place would go to anyone who has had a level 5 or
above PAINTED petpet eaten by the Turmaculus. And the grand prize of first place
would go to anyone who has had a level 5 or above painted, retired, 100,000
Neopoint petpet eaten by the Turmaculus. Again.
The Rotten Negg Award: This stinky yet tasteful award would go to anyone
who has logged onto Neopets every day for a month and their pets are all dying
because they haven't been fed. In order to get the silver trophy, a person has
to log onto Neopets every day for three months without ever bothering to feed
their pets. And in order to get the supreme gold Rotten Negg, a person has to
not only log onto Neopets every day for six months without bothering to feed
their pets, but all of their pets must have diseases, too.
The Pampered Pet Award: The opposite of the Rotten Negg Award, The
Pampered Pet Award would go to anyone who has left their pets in the Neolodge
for longer than a month but who still logs onto Neopets every day. The silver
trophy would go to anyone who has left their pets in the Neolodge for longer
than two months but who still logs onto Neopets every day. And the gold trophy
would go to anyone who has not only left their pets in the Neolodge for longer
than two months and who still logs onto Neopets every day, but whose pets are
staying at the Astro Villa with every single option checked.
The World Word Award: This trophy would be awarded for "The Word of
the Day". The first person to submit the published "Word of the Day" would get
a gold trophy. The next 100 people who submitted that same word would get the
silver trophy. And the bronze trophy would go to the other 6,897,452 people
who submitted that same word. Now say "World Word Award" three times fast.
The Really Poor Guesser Award: This trophy would probably be the easiest
one to earn, so just about everyone will be the proud owner of one. All you
have to do is scratch 20 scratchcards in a row without winning anything and
you'll have third place. Scratch 30 scratchcards in a row without winning anything
and you'll have second place. Scratch 50 scratchcards in a row without winning
anything and at least you'll have the easiest, if not the most expensive, gold
trophy in all of Neopia.
The Worst Dressed Award: This stunning cup would appear on the pet
lookup page of everyone who was gotten zero votes in the Beauty Contest because
it means the picture was so bad they didn't even vote for themselves.
The Icy Blast Award: This replica of a giant bad-tempered worm would
automatically appear in the user lookup of anyone who has received an icy blast
straight from the Snowager's frosty nostrils. Ten nasty nothings in a row would
earn you the bronze. Fifteen nasty nothings in a row would earn you the silver.
And twenty nasty nothings in a row would not only earn you a gold trophy, but
also a "I've been frosted by the Snowager 20 times and all I got was this lousy
T-shirt" T-shirt.
The Fickle Friend Award: It's true that there are many guilds out there
that give out gifts and prizes as incentives for joining, but wouldn't it be
nice to have a trophy for master guild joiners? To get the bronze trophy, a
person must join and leave at least one guild in every single guild neighborhood
within 24 hours. To get the silver trophy, a person must join and leave at least
two guilds in every single guild neighborhood within 24 hours AND post one message
on every single guild message board before they leave. But to get the gold trophy,
person must join a guild 50 times in one day and leave after posting one message--
but it must be the same guild all 50 times. Of course, you may have to hand
over a rare item or an expensive paint brush to the leader of the guild so they
won't block you after the third time.
The Iron Pet Award: The fun thing about this trophy is that you would
not have to do a single thing to get it except log onto to Neopets every day.
Of course the catch is that you have to log onto Neopets every day without any
of your Neopets getting a disease. If you can make it through three months you
get third place. If you can make it through six months you get second place.
And if you can make it through an entire year without any of your Neopets getting
a disease you get a gold trophy. Wow! Won't this be an easy trophy to win? I
can hardly wait to get it... in six or seven years...
The Cry Baby Award: What's the point of having something bizarre or
ironic happen to you if you are the only one who knows about it? The bronze
statue of Baby Boochi would go automatically to anyone who has had their Neopet
zapped into a baby by Boochi. The silver trophy would go to anyone who has had
their Neopet zapped into a baby by Boochi within 24 hours of painting it with
any kind of a paint brush. The gold trophy, of course, would go to anyone who
has had their Neopet zapped into a baby by Boochi while they have a Baby Paint
Brush up for trade in the Trading Post.
The What Have You Been Doing? Award: The giant bronze smiley face with
its tongue sticking out would go to anyone who has logged in every day for six
months but who STILL does not have parental permission to play the site. The
silver version would go to anyone who has logged in every day for six months
but STILL does not even have one Neopet. And the gold trophy would go to anyone
who has logged in every day for a year but STILL does not have parental permission,
any Neopets, a shop or any evidence at all that they even notice.
Okay, maybe there isn't much of a chance that any of these proposed trophies
may actually become real trophies. But if they ever give out a trophy for the
"Most Stupid Suggestion to Ever Be Submitted to Neopets", I think I have a good
shot at getting THAT one, don't you think?
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