Omelette vs. Jelly: The Battle of the Free Foods by bluescorchio104 |  |
Untitled Document
NEOPIA CENTRAL - When I say free foods, I do not mean that they have been liberated.
I mean that they can be obtained free of cost. Got that straight? Now on with
the article!
Ah, so finally, the Giant Omelette has a competitor- none other than the Giant
Jelly. So, how did each come about? How does they replenish themselves with
startling regularity? How do they avoid giant flocks of hungry cheeses flying
down to gorge themselves upon the food? Heck, I don't know the answer to that
last question, and I doubt anyone else does either. But I am willing to try
and find out the first two. And much, much more. But I am sure as heck not giving
away two hundred thousand NP worth in cash and prizes. But, on with the show.
Well, article. Whatever.
The Giant Jelly
Pros
1. It's FREE!!!!- This means, obviously, that's it has been liberated by some
hero from a lifetime of slavery under a maniacal dictator. Or it could just
mean that it's free of cost. Which one do you think it is? If you chose the
first one, not only are you, um, not very smart, (I wouldn't dare call you stupid-
I take no risks with people who could beat me to a pulp. Or steal my account),
but you didn't read the first two sentences of this article. So there. But the
point is, free food is great for the average Neopian or newbie who is too rich
for the generosity of the Soup Faerie, but not wealthy enough to stuff your
pet silly with all kinds of different (and possibly expensive) foods.
2. The Glowing variety of jelly is useful. Yes, that's right, useful. It perfectly
compliments glowing furniture in a NeoHome (although if you're stinking rich
enough to buy glowing furniture, why the heck are you feeding your pet with
freebies?). It can also be used to illuminate a home, that's well, poorly illuminated.
Just make sure there's no greedy Neopet, Grarrl or Skeith around….
3. The NOVELTY FACTOR!!!!YAY!!!! In case you're wondering, the novelty factor
accompanies every single new item to be released in Neopia. First of all, the
desire to have it. Then, if you can't afford it (that doesn't apply in this
case) the desire to save for it, then buy it. Lastly, the desire to stuff it
in a closet and never see it again and wait for the next new fad.
Cons
1. It has only two serves. Maybe in the future, the Neopets Team will increase
the number of portions, but only time will tell. (nudge nudge, wink wink). Two
serves doesn't go very far, does it? Unless you can collect your serve of jelly
every single day. But hey, what do you expect from a freebie?
2. Not that many flavours. True, (so far as of the time of writing of this
article) the jelly had only four flavours, while the omelette has... well, um,
let's see. Carrot and pea, barbecue, that green pepper kind, tomato, cheese,
rotten, tomato and pepper, and I think that's it. You get my point? So, let's
move on to the next con.
3. It's harder to locate than the omelette. I mean, not many people know where
jelly world is. Heck, I didn't even know where jelly world was till a few weeks
ago. If you want to find out how to get to Jelly world, well, I'm not going
to tell you. It took me hours of experimenting with the URL address to find
it. Well, actually, I found it on my second try. But that's not the point. And
don't Neomail me asking for directions. Or I'll block you, and never speak to
you again. Which is a kind of a bonus, considering how annoying I can be…
The Giant Omelette
Pros
1. It's FREE!!!! See above; pro number one for the Giant Jelly.
2. It has three (and therefore more) serves than the Giant Omelette. If you
calculate it, say if you collect your daily serve of jelly and omelette every
day for a year, you will have (just wait for a minute, I need to get the calculator
out) 1095 serves of omelette, but only 730 serves of jelly. That's (gasp) 365
serves less. Well, duh, you get one extra serve of omelette every day; remember?
But then again, no one could possibly collect EVERY single daily omelette or
jelly, could they? And, of course, my calculations (well, my calculator's calculations)
assume that it's not a leap year.
3. Has more flavours. See Giant Jelly con number 2 for a list of flavours.
4. Is healthier for your pets. For a healthy diet, it's necessary for variety,
right? And omelette has undoubtedly more variety than jelly. With omelette,
you can get meat, and vegetables, and, um, other stuff. The flavouring in jelly
if hardly going to provide the nutrition supplied to you by omelette, is it?
Besides, all that jelly could rot your teeth…
5. Is more accessible than the Giant Jelly. In the time of writing, Jelly
world has not yet appeared on the main map on Neopia. Possibly because it is
invisible. But anyway, the Giant Omelette is easily found by venturing to Tyrannia,
and onto the plateau. You can do this by trekking for four hours and a half
east through thick nearly impassable jungle, then turning left at the exiled-from-Mystery-Island
head hunting tribe campsite, crossing the raging waters of the Great Raging
Tyrannian River (you'd better wear a swimsuit. Or even better, a boat. But don't
wear it. Just sit in it and steer. Or paddle. Whatever.), and finally beginning
the treacherous rock climbing, till you reach the plateau, where chances are
you'll be eaten by the thingy in the Lair of the Beast. Or be stampeded by screaming,
fanatical 2 Gallon Hatz fans, which were sensible enough to take the lift instead
of the life-threatening journey you just made.
Cons
1. Sometimes you can't take any omelette, because, well, either the dinosaur
that lays the omelette egg slept in and hasn't laid the egg yet, or pink toasters
with floral designs started rampaging through Neopia. Or sometimes Sabre-X is
just in a bad mood. I'm not sure if there are times when you can't take any
jelly from the Giant Jelly, though.
So, there you have it, folks. But there is more to it than pros and cons.
And stuff in between. We still have the thrills and spills of the freebie guardians!
Yay!
Sabre-X is one seriously nasty dude (I can't believe I just said 'dude' in
The Neopian Times) who'll rip your tail off at the first opportunity. Just kidding.
But he does take his responsibility as omelette guardian seriously. He's also
a member of the Tyrannian Council, so not only will he be able to rip your head
off, he pulls enough weight around town to get off the hook for murder. Or in
the case of decapitating a raving lunatic like me, he'll be awarded a medal
for a great civil service to Neopia.
The Jelly Keeper, as of yet, is shrouded in mystery. I don't know if he's
related to the Jelly Chia, of more importantly, if he can dissolve you into
nothingness like the Jelly Chia. With any luck I won't have to find out personally.
If he's capable of dissolving people, that is.
So, there you have it. A publicly self-confessed raving lunatic, on the topic
of the free foods.
Author's Note: Before you stop reading, I'd like to have word from my sponsors:
aglet.
Second Author's Note: I don't actually have a sponsor; I just wanted to
be able to use the word 'aglet' in an article.
Third Author's Note: In case you're wondering, an aglet is the plastic
thingy on the end of your shoelace, which prevents the end from fraying. I think.
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