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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 17th day of Eating, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 62 > Short Stories > Wart and the Dream of Unis

Wart and the Dream of Unis

by ghostpoop

Wart sat in the corner of the Spooky Petpets shop picking at his fur and scratching his backside. Nobody liked Walking Carpets, and not just because they had an awful habit of scratching their bums but the majority of Neopia was more interested in furnishing their NeoHome with fancy throw rugs and stinky dung carpets for their Skeiths to sleep on than having one for a Petpet.

     "Oh mummy, look!" a girly little Chia said, tugging at her mum's housedress. "A furry little thing with horns! He'll complete my cutest things ever collection. Can we take him home?"

     Wart looked up. "Who me?" he wondered. "Cute?"

     As the little Chia's mum gave her the nod to go over and take a closer look, Wart got very nervous and began to scratch himself all over, mainly focusing on his rear.

     "Honey! Don't go anywhere near that beastly thing. He's got fleas!" her mum said, pulling the Chia closer to her side. "And he's seems very vulgar, scratching his behind like that in a public place."

     Wart gasped.

     "You don't want to bring fleas into our home, do you?" she continued. "How about this Snomorg over here?" The Snomorg was in mid thumb twiddle when the little Chia picked him and hugged him ever so tightly. Wart puffed out his chest, trying to get the notice back on him.

     "He doesn't seem like the smartest Petpet but I know he'll love me. I'll take him!" the Chia said, handing the Cybunny shopkeeper sixteen thousand Neopoints. "Oh, and that Walking Carpet back there..."

     Wart cracked a smile. Yes, it worked, he thought. I will go pack my things.

     "I think he needs a serious flea bath."

     "But... but... I could love you just as well..." Wart said as a small tear welled up in his eye. It began to roll down his cheek but was quickly absorbed by the excess amount of his facial hair. "Blech... what's the point? No one even knows if I'm sad. No one cares. No one will ever love me."

     He walked back to his corner of the shop and curled up into a little ball. He was going to be there for a while. He was going to continue to dream of a pet that could love him for saying sappy things and for being very hairy.


Meanwhile, in Neopia Central, what could never possibly happen... happened.

     "Get out and stay out!" the owner of Unis Clothes yelled as she booted a red Uni and her pink Angelpuss straight out of her shop. "I don't ever want to see you here again, Mou... I mean it! Last time I told you to stop harassing the customers and today you did it again. Now you are eighty-sixed. Gone. Forever!"

     "But... I spend so much money here and other pets want to be just like me. I keep this shop running!" Mou said, dusting her leather jacket off. She noticed a rip in the sleeve. "Oh, you've done it now... you... you... tacky Uni! A sweater around the shoulder is so year two and that bow in your hair is like eight seasons ago.! Oh, and those wings of yours are just as boring as the clothes you sell. You're a has been, a fashion nightmare, a lost cause without my business. I am the prettiest Uni in all of Neopia. You'll be sorry!"

     Mou clicked her heels and walked away from the clothes shop.

     The Uni shopkeeper stood at the entrance to her shop and yelled, "You're just Uni trash! Good riddance! Go back to the dumpster where you belong! Uni trash."

     "Whatever! As if!" Mou mumbled to herself. "Pseudo Kitty, can you believe the nerve of some people?"

     Mou looked down to where her little Angelpuss usually stood looking like a million Neopoints.

     "Pseudo Kitty? Where are you? Did I leave you at the sho..."

     Mou noticed a note on the ground.

     "Oh, it's addressed to me! Oh, I'm not surprised... people do love me... I do love fan mail." She ripped open the envelope with her teeth and read the letter aloud, "Ahem..."

Dear Mou,

I've been meaning to give this letter to you sooner, like the day you brought me home, but it's taken me a very long time to lick the envelope shut. Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know how terrible these last three months have been. You are the most self-centred, egotistical, head in the clouds, etc. Uni I have ever met. You aren't even that pretty...

Mou stopped reading the letter. "Huh, must be a typo." She continued reading the letter:

...and you smell like a haystack hiding a barrel of dung. I'm not going to miss you one bit at all. In fact, I'd rather have the worst case of Neopox than spend another second listening to you talk about yourself.

Well, here's to you getting Neophobia.

I hate you and always have,

Pseudo Kitty

     Mou looked at the envelope again. "M-O-U... Yep, that's me but c'mon... this must be a joke. Everyone loves me. Everyone loves a pretty Uni." Just then, a gang of Kacheeks cycled by and threw a bunch of rotten pork snouts at her. All of them hit her directly in the head.

     Mou screamed.

     "Stupid Uni! Why don't you get a life?!" one of them shouted, making an obscene gesture with its tail.

     Due to the shouting and Mou's high-pitched scream, a crowd gathered and began to laugh and point and collect the pork snouts for themselves. An old Zafara with a cane stutter-stepped up to her and said, "Why don't you get a job? Heh, when I was your age I had three jobs and none of them consisted of having things thrown at me...."

     Mou never felt so low. Well, except for the time she wore her white hooves after Skeith Day, but that is another story. Mou decided to go away for a while, but no one seemed to really care.


The situation at the Spooky Petpet shop was a getting worse for Wart. Fat Cats, Goulblees, Rotten Eggs, Grackle Traps and even Clompkins were selling faster than Wart could even take out the trash.

     "Hey Warty... there's more trash here to be taken out," the shopkeeper said. "Oh, and this Redtail over here has become a bit of a browntail. He needs a diaper changing. Change him, take out the trash and then when you come back there's this neat trick I want to show you with a broom."

     Wart heaved a sigh and did what he was told. At least he was serving a purpose now, rather than just being very hairy.

     "Hold still, hold still you little devil." The pesky little Redtail wouldn't keep still. He accidentally kicked Wart in the gut. "Oh, you little...." Wart made a fist. The Redtail reached in his diaper and pulled out what looked like the contents of a dung slushie and threw it at Wart.

     "Crap! Look what you've done," he said, wiping the brown sauce out of his eyes. "You've ruined my fur! Ugh! I quit! I quit! I QUIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!"

     From the other room, the Cybunny shopkeeper made an interesting point, "You don't even work here, so you can't quit."

     "Then I'm running away!"

     "This is the Haunted Woods. No one gets very far."

     "Then... then... then I'm going to take out this trash."

     "That's a good Walking Carpet. Wait, you deserve a break. Why don't you take it now?"


     "Did you enjoy it?"


     "Your break?"



     Dejectedly, Wart grabbed the trash and dragged it towards the back of the shop.


     Wart rolled his eyes and mumbled to himself, "Of the sixty million Neopians there has to be one out there that loves me for me. Certainly a pet that can look past all of this hair... right to my big heart. I'm all heart, you know... all heart. I could really love someone. I just need a chance. I've got plenty of sappy compliments that any half-hearted pet would love to hear. I can even juggle." He threw the bag of trash as hard as he could onto the pile, as if to let off some steam. "Stupid trash. Stupid. "

     "Oooof!" A strange sound arose from the pile of rubbish. Wart picked up a stick and poked one of the bags.


     Wart moved closer.

     "Who's in there?" He poked the pile of trash again, this time a bit harder.

     "OK! ALREADY! I'm not bothering anybody. Am I?" Mou said, popping her head out of the garbage. Wart jumped back. He began to get all itchy in certain places. "I'm just on vacation and trying to get some beauty slee--easy there little guy... I'm not going to hurt you. Don't be scared."

     Wart began to shake and scratch his bottom as Mou stumbled out of the trash pile. "It's okay, little guy. I usually don't look like this, or smell like this, I'm usually very--"

     Wart spoke, "Pretty? You are the prettiest--"

     "Pet in all of Neopia? Yeah, I know." Mou removed a banana peel from her horn.

     "But how did you know what I was going to say? And why are you in the trash?"

     "I know a lot and that napping heaps of trash does wonders for my coat. You gotta a name little fella?"


     "Wart, stick with me and you'll go places. Pretty places. But don't get too close, you kind a smell like a Kau pie."

     "I'm not allowed to leave this shop and, besides, no one as pretty as you would want me at your side. I'm so hairy and I smell and--wait, a minute, you've got to be pulling my furry little leg. No one wants to be around a hairy carpet. Neopians like Cobralls, well certain little blue Chias do."

     "Sure," Mou said, "all of that may be true... the hairy and smelly part, and little blue Chias loving Cobralls, but, mister Wart, I'm going to give you a makeover. Well, first I'm going to hose you off. Then we're going to get you highlights and some contacts and some cute sensible shoes because we're going to be doing a lot of walking... what, you think you're going to catch a ride on my back?"

     "You're the prettiest pet in all of Neopia... you are a Uni."

     "Let's get out of here and get you a bath... and let's keep those compliments coming, okay?"

     "Wait, but what do I call you?" Wart asked.

     "Mou... call me Mou."

     "Oh Mou, I've been dreaming of a friend like you."

     "Join the club."

     "The club?"

     "It's very exclusive, Wart. You'll understand soon enough. Now, where are my tweezers? We're going to have to do something about those eyebrows of yours!"

     "I have eyebrows?"

The End

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