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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 13th day of Eating, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 58 > Short Stories > Sloth's Secret Meeting

Sloth's Secret Meeting

by sablebrock

Doctor Frank Sloth paced back and forth in his secret headquarters situated on VirtuPets Station, musing aloud to himself. Today was the day he had been awaiting for many days now, today was the day when he would hold an underground meeting in the great hall of his secret headquarters. Only the Grundos who had remained loyal to him, Commander Garoo, Maelstra and her league of Dark Faeries were permitted to enter his sacred halls.

     Sloth had not quite recovered from his last defeat at the hands of his hated enemies, the Neopians who inhabited Neopia. Tyrannia had slipped from his grasp, and next the Lost Desert in the very same way. It was almost too much for him to bear, all his evil minions had been destroyed. And they had cost so much to hire too, not to mention the insurance he had to pay to cover his entire army. Oh yes, Sloth had lost quite a bundle of money during the course of his past two botched invasions.

     But the upcoming war was going to be different. A new world had just opened its doors to the general public, although he had known about it for quite some time. With more and more games appearing, two new species of Neopets created and tens of thousands of Neopians who flocked to Meridell each day, Sloth knew he had to act fast if he wanted to conquer a land of his own at long last. Meridell was a juicy berry just ripe for picking.

     First though, he carefully formulated his plans and finished building up yet another army. His campaign to capture the medieval land had almost come to fruition now. The pathetic Neopians never suspect a thing, he chuckled maliciously to himself. Imagine not realising that there had been hardly any medieval releases in the previous week! Oh sure, there was one map release and maybe one or two games, Turdle racing, but what about the huge war and the three maps that the Neopets staff had promised? They had as of yet to be delivered, Sloth told himself with a grim chuckle. That was a result of some of his careful sabotaging - only a genius like himself would have thought of it! Sloth was in serious need of psychiatric help.

     Anyway, Sloth had called his meeting for the sole purpose of briefing his army and his allies about the upcoming war he would be initiating. The dark faeries would be a valuable asset, as they were not happy at all about Illusen opening her quests in Meridell and taking away their leader Jhudora's customers. The corners of Sloth's mouth twitched upwards in barely suppressed delight as he spotted Grundos strolling into the hall in pairs, followed closely by Commander Garoo and a bunch of Dark Faeries led by Maelstra as Jhudora was loathe to leave her cloud and turn away any quest seekers.

     Poor Sloth, his meeting was ruined right from the start.

     Sloth took a full hour to call the meeting to order as Grundos had a very short attention span. The dark faeries did nothing but look around the hall and comment about how his headquarters was in serious need of refurbishing and his trusted Commander Garoo just slouched against the wall and waited. The Grundos chatted to each other in their native tongue and covered everything from the newest slushie to baby Grundos.

     Once he had finally gotten everyone's attention, Sloth started on his customary speech on world dominion and the fall of the Neopets, the ascension of his VirtuPets and how every single one of the audience would be part of it all. Indeed, the speech had been recycled from the previous rally before the Lost Desert Invasion. Finally, Sloth blinked owlishly at the assembled listeners and cleared his throat importantly, before launching into a song with a deep baritone voice that unfortunately, never missed a wrong note.

          "I never thought Grundos essential
          They whimper and are unspeakably plain
          But they might have a glimmer of potential
          When allied to my vision and my brain

          It's clear from your vacant expressions
          The lights are not all on upstairs
          But we're talking evil overlords and successions
          Even you can't be caught unawares"

     Just then, Sloth's raucous singing was interrupted by a great commotion from the band of dark faeries. Finally, Maelstra raised her voice and declared, "Sloth copied this straight from the Lion King soundtrack I lent him! This song is 'Be Prepared' which was sung by Scar!" Sloth glared at her and she fell silent, so he continued.

          "So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
          Be prepared for sensational news
          A shining new era
          Is tiptoeing nearer"

     At this point, Sloth stopped singing and cocked his head, tapping his foot expectantly. Everyone looked up at their leader, wondering why he had stopped singing, although they weren't complaining. Comparing Dr Frank Sloth's singing to a crow cawing would be doing a great injustice, to the crow, that is. As no one made a sound except for the occasional whispers and snores, Sloth began to grow very impatient indeed.

     "GRUNDO #675! You forgot your cue AGAIN! I knew this speech required more than ten rehearsals." D Sloth hollered darkly, as a frightened squeak sounded from the back of the crowded hall. A trembling Grundo slowly stood up and attempted to sing but failing miserably, some words he had learnt by heart just for this speech.

     "And where do we feature?"

     Sloth gave a satisfied grin and continued singing.

          "Just listen to teacher!
          I know it sounds sordid
          But you'll be rewarded
          When at last I am given my dues!
          And injustice deliciously squared
          Be prepared!"

     As the tyrant delivered his last note, he lingered far too long on it and as a result, sent everyone who had not the foresight to bring a pair of ear plugs scrambling for cover. The onslaught of off-key notes was too great for any one person to handle. Sloth bowed ceremoniously, oblivious to the fact that no one was clapping, cheering or even listening. They were far too busy crowding around a figure that had just arrived.

     It was the Grundo Cafe hopkeeper.

     Gathering everyone around him, he shouted at the top of his lungs, "THE GRUNDO CAFɠHAS JUST RESTOCKED! COME AND GET YOUR HALF PRICED GOODIES NOW!" For Sloth had chosen the day of his rally to be the third of the month, the fateful day also known to the general public as Half Price Day.

     Within seconds, the hall had cleared out and Doctor Sloth was left alone at the centre of the stage, miserably bemoaning his fate.

     "Why am I surrounded by imbeciles and idiots? Why? Why me?"

The End

Author's Note: The song sung by Sloth is indeed 'Be prepared' in the Lion King movie sung by Scar. No infringement of copyright laws intended. No harm intended to Sloth's ego as well.

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