How To Be a Master of Disaster: Weather You like It or Not by stoneman3x |  |
WEATHER - There's a saying in my NeoHome. "Everyone is born with a belly button.
Stone was born with a panic button." It's a very rude thing for my Neopets to
say. True, but rude. I worry about a lot things no one else worries about. And
I did something today that really scared the wits of me. I checked the Neopian
weather on the World Page. The moment I saw that it predicted another sunny day,
I rushed out of my NeoHome, ran down Tyrammet Close, made a hard right on Ugg
Road, veered onto Volcano Lane and bolted all the way to the end screaming in
terror.
Okay, I can see from the look on your face that you think I am a complete
idiot. Well, I have a news flash for you. In a couple of minutes I'm going to
have a lot of company with me on my panic parade. So if I were you, I would
pull that fire rock torso shield out of the closet and start brushing off my
jogging shoes... NOW.
So what's so scary about nice weather? Nothing. Nothing is scary about nice
weather. But the point is, even in Neopia, good things don't last forever. That
means sooner or later the weather report is going to finally say something other
than "clear skies all day, very sunny". It means that there is a possibility
that there could be some other kind of weather. Really really really and even
very nasty weather. Here are some examples:
High Winds
There is nothing like a nice vacation on a balmy beachfront-property-filled
place like Mystery Island. But the problem with tropical paradises is that they
sometimes get hit by tropical storms. What if Neopia suddenly got wasted by
a hurricane or a tornado? I think to protect ourselves we need to batten down
those NeoHome hatches. The worst possible materials to have a NeoHome built
out of during a big bad wind is straw and twigs, as any three little pigs will
tell you. So I think so be on the safe side, we should all destroy our homes
and rebuild them using brick. And as an added precaution, maybe we should move
all of our stuff to the Ground Floor just in case the roof blows off.
Flood
There have been some rumors that Maraqua will rise again. But something tells
me that this might not be a good thing. What would happen if Maraqua does rise
up? Won't that cause some sort of a flood? What if that means everyone who has
a NeoHome will suddenly find their cardboard walls a soggy mess or their furniture
floating around? I think so be on the safe side, we should all destroy our homes
and rebuild them using either stone or transparishield. That's because things
like brick will crumble. And as an added precaution, maybe we should move all
of our stuff to the attic on Floor 2 and just live there.
Earthquake
Of course, we may not have to destroy our NeoHomes and rebuild them. There
is always the chance that nature will do it for us. What would happen if there
was suddenly a massive earthquake? Won't that mean that everyone will suddenly
find a pile of rubble that looks remarkably similar to the Meridell Rubbish
Dump where their NeoHome used to be? I think so be on the safe side, we should
all destroy our homes and rebuild them using either jelly or cloud. They would
just wobble or float in an earthquake. Definitely avoid using stone or transparishield.
Those materials would topple or shatter if Neopia starting shaking. And as an
added precaution, maybe we should move all of our stuff, which is now in the
attic on Floor 2, to the Ground Floor. That is the safe place to be in an earthquake.
Blizzard
Terror Mountain may be a winter wonderland, but what would happen if there
was suddenly a huge blizzard that covered everything up so we couldn't do anything
there until it all melted? A blizzard on Terror Mountain means we wouldn't be
able to buy cheap stuff from the Igloo Garage sale or neggs from the Neggery.
We wouldn't be able to do Snow Faerie Quests or buy scratchcards. Sure, we could
still buy spooky scratchcards from Sssidney in the Haunted Woods, but it would
cost us twice as much. But the worst part is... NO FREE STUFF FROM THE SNOWAGER!
I don't know about you, but I can't live without green Koi keyrings. So I think
that anyone who has a NeoHome on Terror Mountain should just completely demolish
their home. When that is done, they should beg the Neostaff to give them an
option to build a NeoHome somewhere else if they don't actually have a NeoHome
on the land they own. Then all of the people who live on Terror Mountain could
move to the Lost Desert where they would be safe.
Drought
Let's say that Maraqua doesn't rise and cause a flood. Let's say that these
clear and sunny days go on. And on and on and on and on. What if there is no
rain for months? Won't that cause a drought? I don't know much about plants,
but doesn't that mean all of the expensive rose trees in our gardens will wither
up? If all of the plants die, won't that mean famine? All of those Mystery Island
fruits will be gone. The Giant Omelette in Tyrannia won't bake anymore. It will
burn to a crisp. There won't be any berries in the Meridell "Pick Your Own"
fields either. Will all of our Neopets starve because we have too many Neopoints
to go to the Soup Kitchen, but there is no food to buy? I think we should start
hoarding as much food as we can now in our safety deposit boxes. Of course,
if everyone does that it will cause a food shortage anyway, but that can't be
helped. We're in a middle of mass hysteria here, so it's not a good time to
be logical about this. And since the Lost Desert will be hit the hardest by
drought, I think that anyone who has a NeoHome in the Lost Desert should just
completely demolish their home. When that is done, they should beg the Neostaff
to give them an option to build a NeoHome somewhere else if they don't actually
have a NeoHome on the land they own. Then all of the people who live in the
Lost Desert could move to Terror Mountain where they would be safe.
Volcanic Eruption
Volcanoes seem to erupt all the time in Tyrannia, but so far it hasn't been
anything earthshaking, so to speak. But what would happen if there were
an epic-sized volcanic eruption in Tyrannia? The blessing in disguise might
be the fact that the Wheel of Mediocrity would be incinerated, but all that
free omelette would be too. Instead of a Carrot and Pea Omelettes, there would
be Lava and Ash Omelettes. Even a rotten omelette would be tastier than that.
Of course, people living in Tyrannia wouldn't have to completely demolish their
NeoHome in order to move somewhere else. The volcano would pretty much do that
for them. Then they could all move to Maraqua where they would be safe. Unless
Maraqua has an underwater volcanic eruption or rises, causing global flooding.
Then all bets are off.
El Neopia
There is something meteorologists like to call "El Nino". This basically means
that for one year out of every ten there are bizarre weather patterns. What
if there were freaky weather patterns here-- like a heat wave on Terror Mountain
or a frost on Mystery Island? What if we suddenly had our very own "El Neopia"?
We could wind up having a hurricane, a flood, a blizzard and a drought all at
once. Maybe all of us idiots that bought insurance on our NeoHomes weren't so
dumb after all.
Okay, so maybe you're still not convinced that it's a good time to run around
screaming like a Peadackle with its head cut off. Maybe you're not worried about
a little bit of bad weather. Maybe you haven't read part two of this article
that talks all about unnatural disasters that could strike Neopia. That
cheery bit of news comes next week. So what should you do until then? I highly
recommend hiding under your bed. Of course, you may have to squeeze over to
give some room to the monsters that are hiding under your bed. They'll be scared
out of their wits, even if you're not.
NEXT WEEK: How To Be a Master of Disaster: Doing What Comes Unnaturally
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