|
I, an adorable striped Shoyru, flipped through the many stories, articles,
and comics The Neopian Times had to offer I felt a sensation of incompletion.
The Times lacked something. I took a while to ponder what it was and I realized
it was me.
I realized I had a gift at a young age; my friends would always flock to me
with their problems and beg for my advice. I was always very happy to help them.
I've heard so many problems from missing petpets to falling out with friends,
and solved them all. I knew I had to share my gift, the ability to listen and
solve problems with the world of Neopia. After a lot of hard work and a long,
vigorous interview with the editor, I was hired. I became the first and only
advice columnist for The Neopian Times. I am Roxy and here's my advice…..
Dear Roxy: I've been eaten by my Lupe, and since I got in here, I've
discovered nearly ten pairs of my missing slippers! I keep asking my pets if
they know where my slippers are, and they always all say they don't. How can
I get him to quit lying? -A Fit of Indigestion
Dear A Fit of Indigestion: I'm sorry you were eaten by your Lupe;
he must have been really hungry to eat you and your slippers. Have you been
feeding him enough? Once you get out of your Lupe's stomach I suggest you feed
him more and hide your slippers. Then, sit down and talk to him, find the root
of the problem. Are the constant lies for attention, does he think it's funny
to watch you search for the slippers, or is he no good lying Lupe? Maybe you
should consider adopting a Chia! Best of luck! -Roxy
Dear Roxy: I have four Lupes, one of each color, whom each has a room
in their own color and a Lupe plushie of their own color. Besides that I'm only
interested in Cards, which are about Lupes or items which are related to Lupes.
Plus, I think my teeth are growing and I hate Chias. Should I wear a red shirt
with blue pants prior to Labor Day? -Lupe Fanatic
Dear Lupe Fanatic: Considering, I'm an undiscovered fashion designer
I feel thrilled you would come to me with your fashion concerns. I don't why
you gave me all that extra information, but thanks for sharing….I guess. Anyways,
red and blue are always style. You can wear them and be stylish before and after
Labor Day. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: I'm online but I get trades from people I don't know! What
should I do? -Scared
Dear Scared: As my yoga instructor would say, take a deep, calming
breath. It's alright that strangers want to trade with you. It's perfectly normal.
These people probably saw your lot and are making an offer. I'm sure all the
people are normal, average Neopians. If you have any suspicions that any of
them might be up to no good, report them. You can't meet everyone you want to
do business with after all there are about 60 million owners. That's a lot of
people to meet, and you don't have the time of day.
Before you finalize any of their offers do a little research, make sure they
aren't trying to rip you off. If they are trying to get the better end of the
deal, just reject them. If you get fair offer, accept it. If you aren't sure
the offer is fair, just check on one of the Neoboards. People with more experience
can tell you if it's a fair deal. Just use your head and listen to your gut,
you'll perfectly fine. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: Can I call you Rozy? - Curious
Dear Curious: Considering my name is Roxy, how about NO!
-Roxy
Dear Roxy: How do I keep my pet Korbat from eating Poisonous Lollipops?
He's eats them non-stop and it's getting out of hand. Please help. -Worried
Owner
Dear Worried Owner: I am sorry to hear about your Korbat's condition.
If you really want him to stop eating the Poisonous Lollipops, it'll have to
take a lot of hard work for you and your Korbat. I suggest moderation of these
treats. You can begin with only one lollipop per day, then one every three days,
and slowly progress putting more and more time between his last Poisonous Lollipop.
Don't starve him during his time of moderation; make sure there is always nutrious
food around the Neohome. If you see him getting addicted to another treat, simply
remove it. Keep a close eye on him; make sure he doesn't sneak any lollipops
on his time of quitting. A word of caution, stay away from Jhudora's Cloud.
If she finds out you stopped your pet from eating her product, she won't be
a happy Dark Faerie. Besides, he could be addicted to worse things like Illusen's
Cream Cookies. Do you know how many calories are in a single one? -Roxy
Dear Roxy: How do you get my Pet to forgive me for forgetting to save
up money for a Magical Gold Meerca Plushie? When I ask him something like, "What
do you want to do?" he just replies, "Oh I just want to play with something
with a long tail that is golden and magical." What do I do? -Mr. Why-did-I-use-purple-petpet-paintbrush-on-a
Snowball
Dear Mr. Why-did-I-use-purple-petpet-paintbrush-on-a-Snowball: It's
never to too late start saving, begin saving your Neopoints now. It could take
awhile for you to save enough Neopoints to afford that special something for
your pet. I suggest buying Non-Magical Yellow Meerca Plushie; he can play with
it while he waits for his Magical Gold Meerca Plushie. Might I ask why you tried
to paint a snowball purple? Forget it, I don't even want to know. -Roxy
Dear Roxy: My pet Aisha is always going off by himself. His petpet
covers for him and says he is at the house when I know he isn't. What could
he be doing? Where could he be going in the middle of the night? -Still worried
owner
Dear Still Worried Owner: First, you people need to come up with
better aliases. At least the last weirdo was creative. Second, your Aisha is
going where all pets go in the middle of the night, to get a midnight snack,
of course. It's your fault he's sneaking out, maybe if there was enough food
around he wouldn't. He tells his petpet to cover for him because he doesn't
want you to know the truth of what a bad owner you are. The truth hurts, doesn't
it? Maybe if you feed your pets they wouldn't sneak out! -Roxy
To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail
to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate and use proper spelling
and grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate and tasteless
messages will be deleted, so please don't waste your time and mine. Due to an
overwhelming amount of messages, not all of them can be answered by Roxy. All
messages are subjected to editing.
Author's Note: This is all in fun! Take Roxy's advice at your own risk!
Please feel free to send me any comments you may have about this article. Thanks!
| 
