Your Guide To Dump Scavenging by bluescorchio104 |  |
MERIDELL - With the creation of the Meridell Dump, new opportunities have opened
up for treasure-seekers. No longer do they have to trek through the mysterious
jungles of Mystery Island, or journey through the ancient pyramids of the Lost
Desert, just to get a decent share of booty. Now, they can just take an easy
walk to Meridell, and rummage around in filthy garbage in order to find treasure.
And, let me remind you, dump-searching is a lot safer than the conventional
methods of treasure seeking. No angry natives or, reanimated mummies or ancient
curses to worry about- the biggest danger you'll find at the Meridell dump would
probably be an avalanche of dung, or maybe just the smell.
In any case, even when searching through a rubbish dump, you must be prepared.
And that is precisely the point of this article.
Tip No. 1: Have a goal, and set limits. Believe it or not, rummaging
through junk can become addictive. I recommend stopping a day's work when you
can no longer distinguish your own smell from the scent of dung. Of course,
that will be the case for most of you before you've even started. Just kidding.
Tip No. 2: Have an organized system for rubbish investigation. For instance,
set a small area of the dump to investigate in a set amount of time. By bringing
along a friend, one of you can dig, while the other evaluates any promising-looking
junk. If you have any enemies, pretend to befriend them and bring them along.
Then, you can constantly ask them to evaluate dung on the pretence of that you
think it might be Battle Dung. Just try not to laugh when your enemy is forced
to plunge their hands/claws/wingtips into their fiftieth pile of dung.
Tip No. 3: Be prepared for obstacles. The casual, noncommittal scavenger
would stroll around, occasionally poking a promising lump with a bare finger,
claw or wing. By bringing along a Ultra Duel Shovel, you can investigate rubbish
much more thoroughly. A weapon which is capable of vaporizing physical matter
(I recommend an Asparagus Ray Gun) is helpful for getting past some of the larger
obstacles -- but be warned, you don't want to accidentally destroy a Staff Of
Supernova, do you?
Tip No. 4: Bring a handy helper. Petpets are the ideal servants, uh,
I mean, helpers. Screwtops are the ideal burrowers, saving you much backbreaking
labour. Many other Petpets, like Apis, can be trained to pull carts. This way,
you won't have to constantly carry junk away from your chosen heap. This method
is extremely effective, even more so when you have more and more Petpets to
carry out the manual labour. Of course, you may find yourself tempted to start
employing professional servant masters to oversee the Petpets. However, unfortunately
for you, and fortunately for the Petpets, Dr. Sloth already has all the servant
masters under his employment. And I hear they get paid pretty good wages, as
well as full rights to free Grundo Café snacks, so don't even think of trying
to hire them anyway. I mean, who would want to leave a job that offers unlimited
free Roasted Gargapples?
Tip No. 5: Keep an eye on competitors. Treasure-seeking is a cut-throat
business. There are no rules, apart from those applying to rabid pineapples
and talking pies. So, unless you are a rabid pineapple or talking pie, you have
nothing to worry about. If you're feeling particularly mean, shovel the known
junk for your heap to your competitors. Chances are that they'll send undercover
saboteurs, under the innocent disguise of Babaas and Doglefoxes, or even baby
Neopets, to impede your operation. Remember this rule: 'Anything cute, give
it the boot!'
Tip No. 6: Guard your chosen area. Employ guard-Warfs, guard-Anubi,
and guard-Doglefoxes to do this job. For the rich, Cyodraiks may be used. Alternately,
pile dung all around the perimeter of your area. The sun will naturally dry
it out, making a rock hard wall. The wall will also have the added advantage
of being nose-repellent. Just remember to leave yourself a way out.
Tip No. 7: Employ alternative techniques. Instead of rummaging through
trash like the rest of them, watch what comes in. It may be hard to keep an
eye on all of the farmers, passing Neopets, and mysterious people, but it'll
be worth it. After all, the artefacts have to get into the pile somehow. Also,
be sneaky. Once you see someone yell with joy and dance a little jig, sneak
up to them and take whatever is making them so happy. But make sure beforehand
that they're not dung enthusiasts looking for another addition to their collection.
If you feel the need to be dramatic, make a little 'Yoink!' sound effect as
you snatch their newly uncovered valuable. Cautious thieves will send in decoys,
such as innocent-looking Petpets, who can be trained to distract with wide,
big eyes and constant licking.
Tip No. 8: Guard yourself against thieves. This means remembering the
motto 'Anything cute, give it the boot!', and not making a big fuss when discovering
anything valuable. Yelling 'Eureka!' and standing on your head, for example,
is not acceptable. Not that you would want to stand on your head, what with
all the dung and Zeenana peels on the ground and all.
Tip No. 9: Be hygienic. Don Ultra Rubber Gloves, Extra-thick Goggles,
and, of course, the mandatory rubber boots. Bring along some soap, easily available
from the grooming shop in Neopia Central, as well as some other cleaning products,
just so you can scrub down later. And don't dress in a suit and tie. Nothing,
and I mean NOTHING, can get dung stains out. Unless you count my patented, guaranteed
Slorgorific Cleaning Liquid! *Cheesy grin* Come on, people, rush out and buy
it! My early retirement is relying on the purchase of this useless, uh, I mean
extraordinarily useful stuff! Available from all good supermarkets and convenience
stores!
Tip No. 10: Have some fun. Rummaging through useless junk all day can
be really stressful- even more so than trying to coax a pineapple to fetch you
a drink. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. So at the end of the day,
relax and unwind! Why not make a fun slide out of a pile of useless garbage?
Besides the nauseatingly bad hygiene issues and risk of infection, that is.
Or why not have a rotten food fight? Or, if you're really feeling hyperactive,
find a large, discarded, rounded cheese, hollow out the middle, squeeze yourself
inside, and roll down a hill! It does work better with old tyres, but unfortunately,
no cars, and hence no tyres, exist in Neopia.
That just about winds it up. Now you know all the tips and tricks of the trade.
You have all the knowledge you need to become a successful dump scavenger --
except for the knowledge I left out. Well, in any case, get out there to delve
into disgusting mush, and happy scavenging!
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