NEOPIA CENTRAL - A couple of weeks ago I wrote an article called "Random
Events: The Hot Chili Peppers on the Tongue of Life" about a REALLY
bad day I had. Now it looks like I'm not the only one that's going to have days
like that. Random events in Neopia just got a whole lot more... ummm... interesting.
I guess we should have known something really scary was coming when Neopets
had that poll on the Main Page awhile back that asked: "Should the Pant Devil
be given access to peoples Safety Deposit Boxes?" NOOOOO!!! *clutches heart
and checks pace-maker batteries* I don't know about you personally, but 262,602
other Neopians also thought this was more diabolical than making a Hidden Tower
weapon out of a Bag of Dung. But what scares me more than the poll itself is
that 42,826 demented souls actually voted FOR it! Who are these people? Members
of the Grundo Commander's Brigade? And just because a lot of people voted AGAINST
the Pant Devil sneaking into your Safety Deposit Box while you are off making
towers out of turnips doesn't mean the idea has been scrapped. If Neopets only
did what everyone wanted there would be Krawk Flour and not Chia Flour.
Anyway, the point is that the all-powerful gods and goddesses in NeOlympus
have been THINKING about new ways to keep us on our toes. As if we weren't ballet
dancing our way through Neopia enough as it is. Now there is a whole new batch
of random events to keep our fingernails chewed down to ragged nubs.
First on the list of hysterically fun new random events involves Meuka. Meuka
DESERVES to be in the Gallery of Evil. He slithers around giving your Pet a
nasty disease as a random event, which means you have to rush out and buy a
cure. And there is nothing more embarrassing than standing in the Pharmacy with
a pet that has slime sliding off its body while you try to explain to the Pharmacist
that yes, you HAVE been keeping him out of drafts and can I please just have
some Neopkins? And if Meuka attacking your Pet while you're wandering around
Neopia hoping to find 20 Neopoints on the floor isn't bad enough, you now have
to HOPE he will launch his phlegm-thrower at you. He is a villain that you have
to fight in the Battledome as a Defender of Neopia and if you have never been
slimed by his Meukas Snot Trail in a fight, believe me it's quite... sticky.
And if all of that was not enough to make you hate his oozy guts, he is the
star of a brand new disgusting random event. Here is what the news had to say:
"In this great new random event, Meuka will turn up, eat one of your food
items, and replace it with a yummy lump of snot!"
Gee thanks, but can I just have my stuff turned into a pile of sludge instead?
And if Hubrid Nox planning to take over Neopia with a ghost army doesn't worry
you much, maybe this will. He now can flap his little Chia Vampire cape, dive-bomb
you with eyes lit up like hot lava rocks and give ALL of your pets Neowarts
at the same time! I don't know about you, but having a neohome filled with groaning,
lumpy, warty, miserable Neopets sounds like a calamity to me. Although I pretty
sure all the Neowart Fungus merchants out there are rubbing their hands together
and chuckling with glee right now.
The next whoo hoo boy is this fun random event involves a brand-new candidate
for the Gallery of Evil. This creature, who can make even Doctor Sloth himself
cower quivering in complete terror, is the TAX BEAST. The good news is that
the Neopoints you have locked up in your shop till and your bank account are
safe. The bad news is that he empties out your pockets while people passing
by chuckle in glee that it's not happening to them. Then he takes 10% of whatever
Neopoints you happen to have on you. Almost like a real tax collector. And if
this was not humiliating enough, there is now a HIGH SCORE TABLE to show everyone
how pathetically unlucky you are. And it's a good thing you are reading this
article, because here is something else the news had to say:
"The latest Neopian Times has just been launched. Make sure you read it,
or you will be visited by the Tax Beast. No seriously, we aren't joking... just
read it... muhahahahahahah! "
Why are you glaring at ME? I didn't put the Tax Beast up to this! Although
it's kind of cool in a way...
But those aren't the only random events to worry about now. Random events
now pop up in places they never popped up before. I went to the Tiki Tack Tombola
yesterday for my once-a-day try for something other than a Bottle of Blue Sand.
YAY! I got 122 Neopoints and a Black Widow Truffle. But at the same time, a
ghost appeared and stole 150 Neopoints off of me to put on the Money Tree. DOH!
At least the Tax Beast doesn't leave you with 28 Neopoints LESS than you started
out with.
And just in case you've now decided to lock yourself in your Neohome and never
come out again, there is actually some good news to all of this. Besides all
the really cruddy things that can happen to you, there are cool new random events
too.
There is a new Battledome Challenger called Vira, Acara of Darkness. I don't
know where exactly she is at the moment, but I know that I can't hide under
my Stone Bed if I want to have her challenge me. Besides the fact that hiding
under my Stone Bed would flatten me like a pancake, that is. So I HAVE to zip
all over Neopia in order to meet up with her and just take my chances with the
OTHER random events.
But even better than a new Battledome Challenger waiting to leap up, is a
random event involving the bright shining star of Meridell, Illusen. I like
doing her quests just because I think she is one really nice Faerie. She doesn't
hand out Poisonous Lollypops for example, like some other Faeries named Jhudora
that I won't mention by name... except I already did. And if the cool stuff
she gives me when I complete one of her quests isn't enough to make me adore
her, check out what the news had to say:
"There is a new random event where Illusen will appear and set your Neopoints
back up to 5,000 if it is below that level. Isn't that nice of her? "
Yup. That would definitely come under the definition of "nice". I am slithering
out from under my Stone Bed for a crack at THAT random event, I promise you!
And even Petpets are hopping onto the Wheel of Random Events. A Ghostkerchief
can now float up to you, hug you tightly around your ankles and refuse to let
go. If you're lucky, you might even get to keep him. Now THAT'S mighty friendly.
So there are totally excellent random events as well as really stinky-poo
random events now. But even the rotten random events don't seem so horrible
when you really look at them. All those computer whizzes with automatic buying
programs and millions of Neopoints handy to buy up everything in the shops are
now in for a real treat! Maybe the Tax Beast isn't so bad after all...
And today I wandered into the Ice Caves while the Snowager was snoozing away,
so I decided to try my luck at snatching a Blue Skeith Keyring. I totally missed
the mark and got an icy blast straight from the worm's frosty nostrils. But
at the same instant a Faerie appeared at handed me a Spotted Petpet Paint Brush.
Now THAT was a bizarre event that never happened in the Snowager's Cave before.
And it was certainly the first time I ever did a victory dance on the way to
the Healing Springs.
So it's true that a lot more bad things can happen to you now and in more
places than they ever happened before, but it's also true that super cool things
will happen more often too as well. Like I said, random events in Neopia just
got a whole lot more... ummm... interesting. | 
