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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 17th day of Eating, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 47 > Articles > Dorak, Dubloon Disaster Dignitary

Dorak, Dubloon Disaster Dignitary

by cubeof11

KRAWK ISLAND - Welcome, one and all, to “Lifestyles of the Rich and Filthy Rich” with your host, Charles Tralawney. This week, we take you to the houseboat of one incredibly successful Krawk named Dorak, a Neopian multi-millionaire... in Dubloons, that is. Today, we will have the pleasure of meeting this fine youth and find out just how he made his living on Krawk Island.

We’re crossing over the harbour now. On your left you can see the lovely sparkling waters of the sea (eww... seaweed...) and up at the end of the dock is our subject’s seaworthy abode. Let’s knock on that lovely mahogany door:

[*knock knock*]

VOICE [from inside]: If you’re the tax man, go away! I already—

CHARLES: Terribly sorry, sir; this is “Lifestyles of the Rich and Filthy Rich”. We request the honour of interviewing—

VOICE: What? Is that you? Charles Tralawney, the host? Woohoo! I'm gonna be on NTV! (*ahem*) [opens door] Well, come on in! Please, sit down. I’m Dorak the Krawk. Charles, it’s such a pleasure to meet you!

CHARLES: And likewise to you. Sir, would you tell our viewers about your illustrious youth?

DORAK: Ah, my younger years. Everyone tells me that I was a hardworking Krawkie, but, to tell you the truth, hard work really isn’t the answer. I had a job at the local market selling buckets of bait and fish, but never any laborious work.

CHARLES: So, you were reckless?

DORAK: No, no, it wasn’t like that! I just realised that there was a simple, painless way to get things done: avoid work by getting others to do things for you.

CHARLES: I see. But somehow, you “struck gold”.

DORAK [chuckles]: You could put it that way. One day while I was working, I saw a rowboat in the sea. A charming red Aisha was rowing around... her name was Dorothy. The sea breeze blew her long ears about, and her remarkable rowing skills were simply inspiring. That night, I decided that rowing would be my life’s work.

CHARLES: So, what did you do?

DORAK: Well, the next morning I took my savings and invested in a sturdy rowboat, and began adventuring along the sea coast. It was difficult to handle at first, but with experience, I learned to command the vessel to do as I wished. I met Dorothy on the sea many times, and I thought she really liked me, but [sniff] after many weeks, she broke up with me.

CHARLES: What a disaster. It must have been heartbreaking.

DORAK [sighs]: Yes, she was a jewel. I became very depressed for several weeks — I couldn’t think of anything other than her. Then, one day, I was rowing out by the ocean, and I saw this huge pirate ship sailing in the waters. I saw a glint of gold and silver, and realised that the ship held a treasure-trove of dubloons. In my sorrow, I turned to stealing falling dubloons from the pirate ship. It took many homing mine explosions for me to realise there must be some better strategy to grab the dubloons other than taking them outright.

CHARLES: At that point, you were playing your brainchild game, Dubloon Disaster, against the pirates, right?

DORAK: Yes. I spent another week thinking of the lazy-Krawk’s way for getting rich, and the inspiration came from those homing mine explosions I had seem all too many times in my face.

CHARLES: What was it?

DORAK: I realised that for every dubloon I grabbed, another homing mine would appear in the waters. So, there had to be some way of getting rid of them. I found out it was possible to cause two of them to collide with each other and explode. Here, I’ll show you:

[Diagram of the playfield showing the geometric

With two mines, I imagined a line segment connecting their locations. Then, I pretended that my darling Dorothy was rowing right at the center of the line segment. I then lined myself up so that I was on the line perpendicular to the line segment passing through where Dorothy was. As long as I continued to stay on that line, the mines would move closer and closer together until *KABOOM* they both exploded on dear Dorothy.

CHARLES: It sounds like you really hold a grudge against her for breaking up with you.

DORAK: Well, almost... I have immortalised her loving memory in my strategy as a tribute to her.

CHARLES: But then, when the mines explode on—

DORAK [pained]: Please, this is a personal moment here [sniffs]. It’s a symbol of how she fell for another Krawk, disappearing from me forever... [sob]

CHARLES: Here, take this handkerchief... Uh, getting back to your strategy. Is removing the homing mines all there is to it?

DORAK [blows nose]: Not quite. Normally, many rowers would simply pick up dubloon after dubloon as fast as possible, letting the mines accumulate and accumulate until they overwhelmed the area, much like I did at first. Here’s the clever trick: collect dubloons until there are only two mines in the waters, then stop and focus on destroying them. It’s much easier to eliminate them, since there are no other obstacles, and you can easily row to the other side of them, should you run out of room. Once the area is clear of mines, you can collect dubloons again, and repeat the process. It’s the lazy way to do things.

CHARLES: That is pretty clever, Dorak. But, wouldn’t it be easier to simply outrow the mines? You would earn dubloons faster.

DORAK: True, but then the waters would get covered with mines, and it would become extremely difficult to retrieve a dubloon in the center of the sea. I would also like to mention that it’s better to pick up dubloons when you are moving as slow as possible. If you pick one up at high speeds, you are more likely to run into a mine that pops up in your path, since you cover more ground when you row quickly than if you row slowly. Rowing quickly opens you up to slightly more risk, unless, of course, you have extremely good reflexes.

CHARLES: But, the mine could just as easily pop up right under you when you row slowly.

DORAK: Well, that may be the case, but you still have a little bit of time to quickly row away before it reaches the surface. If you row slowly, you only have to worry about mines popping up in one spot, whereas, if you row quickly, you have to worry about mines popping up in your entire path. It just seems more difficult that way. Oh, and the occasional whirlpool is a dangerous little thing — steer clear of it. Poor Dorothy... drawn away by her heart...

CHARLES: Uh... some viewers have wondered about the rankings rowers receive after playing. Can you describe what the score cutoffs are?

DORAK: Of course. Naturally, I decided to turn this into a kind of tourist attraction, so to incite competition, I assigned ranking based on how well rowers do. With a score below 100, the rank is Beginner; starting from 100, the Amateur title prevails. Then, from 200 up, rowers earn the distinction of Novice, and at 300, they attain Expert status. Upon reaching 500, rowers reach Master level, and finally at 900, the coveted title of Grand Master is awarded. With my strategy, I scored about 1000 dubloons-worth in about two hours — enough for me to get my nest egg rolling into the millions and allow me to retire comfortably.

CHARLES: That’s certainly a good living. Well, thank you so much for everything, Dorak. It’s been a real pleasure chatting with you.

DORAK: Absolutely. My pleasure as well. [waves to camera] A big “hello” goes to my mother, my father, Aunt Betty, and [sniff] Dorothy...

We leave our star now in his happy home; we become enlightened by the history of his life and his wisdom in dubloon-collecting. Thank you all for joining me today on our visit. I’m your host, Charles Tralawney, wishing you riches and fame. Good luck to all you aspiring rowers, and we’LL see you around Krawk Island Harbour sometime!

cubeof11, a new Neopian Times writer, has attained the rank of Expert in the Game Strategies Guild — Version 2 at the time of writing, and is currently scratching his head at how an article on game strategies somehow turned into a drawn-out narrative. The storyline is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to any real events or characters is entirely coincidental.

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