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NEOPIAN HQ - Have you ever wondered where it is fitting for you to sport a
peg leg, and where you must dress in silk robes to look like more than a despicable
JarbJarb? Let me tell you: you don’t want to be caught with a grass skirt on
in the chill depths of Terror Mountain!
Neopia Central
Our little adventure begins in the bustling city of Neopia Central -- the very
heart of Neopia. Follow me as I guide you down the sidewalks of this lively,
florescent light-filled town and tell you a little bit about the dress code
of Pets and Owners that reside here.
If you steal a quick glance around, you’ll quickly see that Neopia Central
has a wide variety of Pets from all over Neopia. See that one there? No, not
the fat blue Quiggle. That one: the Aisha. Oh, really, she’s right on
that bench in front of fresh smoothies… Do you see what she’s wearing? A short,
breezy white cape, and a lot (and when I say a lot, I mean that she’s really
going over-board) of jewelry. There’s also that eye-patched, stripe-shirted
pirate Krawk; and a Christmas Usul. The colors and origins of pets in Neopia
Central are uncountable. You could basically get away with wearing anything
here… except a fuzzy pink Cybunny suit. Believe me, from personal experience,
you don’t gain anyone’s respect by trying that.
Terror Mountain
The main thing you should make sure you’re wearing when you take a trip to
Terror Mountain is a warm, cozy winter coat. You may also want to bring along
some trusty Wellington Boots if you don’t want your precious sneakers to be
flooded with icy snow. Heck; you should probably wear some pants, too. If I
were you, I’d pack a large thermos brimming with hot Ummagine Tea.
The wild pets living in the glacial crevasses and chasms in the Ice Caves would
be deeply insulted should you sport a hula skirt or some weird mechanical doo-dad
from Virtupets Station.
In case you can’t find your mould-collecting winter clothing, do not fear.
Just take a quick trip to Merry Outfits and find yourself something nice and
stripy!
Tyrannia
There’s not much of a dress code to speak of in the vast Jungle and dry Plateau
of Tyrannia. Just wear a breezy dress or something comfortable, because you
may as well be happy before you’re devoured by a hungry beast who resembles
the likes of Grarrg the Battle Master.
If you get out alive, you should be perfectly content not wearing anything
at all.
Virtupets Station
Virtupets Station is a strange satellite in the out-skirts of Neopia. I guess
it isn’t exactly what would be described as a satellite, though, as it isn’t
one of those annoying lights in the sky you’d mistake for a shooting star. No,
Virtupets Station is certainly not a shooting star.
When it comes to dressing right for a vacation here, I’d suggest you’d think
twice before even coming! There are stomach-wrenching games like “Splat-a-Sloth,”
a restaurant that sells “Chocolate Éclair Paste,” and Green Tea in tiny tablets.
This, of course, is just naming a few of the very –- ahem -- eccentric
tourist attractions of Virtupets Station.
But you don’t want a travel guide: you’re reading this so that you won’t turn
up dressed in something completely uncalled-for. So, I reluctantly tell you
that should you bother to visit, you should wear something aluminum or metallic.
If it has bleeping antennae and flashing lights: all the better.
Krawk Island
Aye-aye, me’ hearties! Welcome ta’ Krawk Island: the poop deck of Neopia! Arh
har har! As you can probably tell, matey, the tongue of the Islander folk is
a little out of touch. If you want to disguise yourself as a local, fling on
an eye-patch, chop off your leg and replace if with a wooden staff, and throw
in an “Aye,” or “Yar har!” whenever you’re trying to hold a conversation with
anyone. If you can’t improvise and use a large spatula as a peg leg, I suggest
you hop over to Krawk Fashion.
Faerieland
Here in the enchanted land of the Faeries, you’d do well to be quite rich indeed.
Either that, or you could always glue some construction paper wings onto your
shoulders and throw on a housecoat. Don’t overdo anything and add a pipe-wire
halo, because that’s just silly and pretty dim-witted.
If you actually are rich, you could see if you’re worth being painted with
a rare Faerie Paint Brush at Faerie Paint Brushes (what a creative name these
Faeries thought up!).
The best way to insult a Faerie is to turn up in a costume from the Haunted
Woods…
The Haunted Woods
It’ssss veeeeery sssssscaaaaary in the Haunted Woodsss. You’ll fit right in
if you wrap yourself up with toilet paper, tie a black piece of fabric around
your neck, and pop in the good ole’ plastic fangs.
Whatever you do, do not wear anything bright and/or colourful, as this
will only attract the attention of whatever it is lurkssss in the darknesssss.
Lost Desert
Don’t you wish it was the “Lost Dessert”? I know I do, because I for one am
certainly getting a hankering for some chocolate Aisha ears. Don’t give the
food here a chance, because it’s usually burnt or mummified. But not to worry;
even if you are supping with His Majesty King Coltzan the Five Hundredth and
you take a bite of a Sand Pear and have to spit it into your fossilized napkin,
you’ll always be greeted with great honor as long as you’re wearing the proper
attire. For instance, the most suitable thing is something loose and white that
leaves much breathing room, a large cloth hat of some sort, and never forget
the billions of little dangly gold things you must attach to your ears, wrists,
ankles, nose, eye-lids, toe-nails, and clothing.
Meridell
What you should be clothed in when traveling to Meridell depends fully on which
part of this quaint village you’re staying in: Meridell, or Meri Acres farm.
When in the main part of Meridell, you’ll be welcomed with open arms if you
clink up to King Skarl’s castle in a suit of armor. Be sure this suit is slightly
rusted, so as not to insult the members of the court.
Meri Acres farm, however, is a completely different matter. Simply take an
old, mouldy pillowcase, rip two holes for your arms and one for the growth on
your neck, and slap on an old-fashion cap. Wearing these, you’ll completely
look the part of a Meri Acres farmer.
I hope very much that you learned a fair bit from my ramblings about dress
codes in the -- are they countries? -- of Neopia. I also hope that you’ll never
make the mistake I’ve made more than once, and dress up like a Pteri while trying
to research their ways in close counters. Uhm… let’s just pretend I didn’t tell
you about that.
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