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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 14th day of Eating, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 75 > Short Stories > 101 Reasons Not to Feed a Floud a Carrot Short

101 Reasons Not to Feed a Floud a Carrot Short

by loveablepet2007

Experiment #12
Materials: Floud, carrot
Procedure: Feed carrot to Floud
Results: Kablooie

Zelkon the red Grundo prodded the blackened lump carefully. "Brilliant idea. 'Let's feed a Floud a carrot,' you said, 'Maybe we could solve one of Neopia's greatest mysteries,' you said. 'What could go wrong,' you said-"

     Her smaller twin, Zarkon, stomped out a small fire. "Seemed like a good idea at the time," he muttered.

     The lump growled and shuddered, opening two red eyes and what might, under certain circumstances, be considered a mouth. Zelkon took a quick step backwards, knocking into her brother. "It lives!"

     The two stared apprehensively at the thing.

     "I mean, I guess we could sell it or something..."

***

Any observer at the money tree (and there were a lot of those, particularly the ones with fast Internet connections) would have seen something strange on an otherwise perfectly normal day. A small red Grundo dropped what looked like a pile of sludge at the foot of the tree and ran off at top speed, looking nervous.

     After awhile, the pile of sludge opened red eyes and bit a Shoyru reaching for a bottle of blue sand.

     It began to float, turning in circles as if sniffing for something. After a little while it meandered off, biting anyone stupid enough to stand in its way.

***

Zelkon slammed the door behind her. "I gave it to the Money tree. Now it's somebody else's problem."

     Her twin looked relieved. "Now all we have to do is clean up this mess-"

     "Wait a moment." Zelkon paused. "Can you... hear something?"

     The two listened intently.

     "Sort of like the sound an experiment-gone-wrong would make if it followed you home and got into your kitchen?" Zarkon clarified.

     "Yeah, sort of like that."

     The last comment took a few moments to register. Zelkon yelped. "The Floud!"

***

The Floud was confused. It was sitting on what appeared to be a dusty shelf in a cramped shop.

     A yellow Jubjub in an oversized cape and wizard's hat waddled in with several shoppers. "And here's a mutant Floud, extremely rare, yours for the amazing price of..." the Jubjub meditated for a moment, "Fifty Neopoints! A rare bargain, if I do say so myself."

     A blue Nimmo looked pleased. "Perfect! I'm sure I could sell that for much more."

     She reached out for the Floud. It bit her.

     "I changed my mind, I'm going to invest in a less dangerous petpet," the Nimmo complained, "Let me see the... um... faerie Hornsbies."

     The Floud watched the shoppers leave, a little more quickly than normal. Chewing on an extremely rare negg, it settled down to wait...

***

Zarkon opened the door of his small, dusty shop with the misguided optimism of someone who thinks their troubles are over with. These people are almost always in for a really big surprise in their near futures.

     A few unidentifiable smears on the floor indicated that several rare neggs were now even more rare. A cobrall dagger was divided into two completely separate items, "Odd little gold thing that looks a little like a Cobrall head" and "thing that really hurts when you step on it." Zarkon learned the second one from experience.

     The Floud was floating in the middle of the room, chewing on a jelly chia plushie and looking for all Neopia like a perfectly innocent little petpet.

     The red Grundo made a grab for the Floud and received a bite for his trouble. "You are going down."

***

The Floud burbled happily, floating over the boiling pit of lava with every sign of enjoyment. So this was all a game, the point was to find your way back...

     Gee, it was awfully hot here.

     A few hungry Airaxes circled overhead. One, more curious or stupid than the rest, ventured a little too close. The Floud bit it.

     It began to turn in circles as if sniffing for something. Let's see, if the big mountains were over that way, then they took him from over there...

***

Zelkon collapsed into a chair and sighed with relief. "That Floud must be burned to a crisp now," she declared. (When someone declares something like this, it's a sure-fire sign that exactly the opposite has happened)

     The doorbell rang. "Must be Hotty," she mumbled, getting up to open the door.

     A Meerca in a business suit (which looks pretty darn odd, considering that most business suits are not exactly built for someone with the proportions of a Meerca) was standing on the doorstep. She thrust what looked like a pile of sludge in Zelkon's face when she opened the door. "Ahem, is this yours?"

     The red Grundo looked at it with a mixture of awe and terror. "Er, actually..."

     "I'm from the NSPCP," the Meerca declared.

     "The, uh, what?"

     "Neopian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Petpets."

     "Wouldn't that be the NSFTPOCTP?"

     "We dropped some of the smaller words," corrected the Meerca with a disdainful sniff, "But that's not important. The important thing is that you've been charged with deliberately placing a petpet in a dangerous-"

     "But it's just a petpet!"

     "Just a petpet?" the Meerca shrieked, "Just a petpet? Are you aware that it is a living, breathing, feeling organism and you, you, think of it as just a-"

     "Okay, okay, what are you going to about it?" she asked.

     The righteous pet frowned at her. "Consider this warning," she declared, "And if I here one more complaint about this-"

     Zelkon grabbed the Floud and slammed the door in the ranting Meerca's face.

     Her brother groaned. "What are we going to do now?"

***

"Sorry, no refunds," the Usul at the counter said.

     "But it's a petpet shop..." Zarkon pleaded.

     "Nope, sorry. Besides, I don't even sell Flouds here- that's our outlet in Faerieland you'd need to see."

     "But it's a mutant Floud. I mean, those must be really rare..." Zelkon said cajolingly.

     "Tough neggs, I'm not taking it. Besides, there's no such thing as a mutant Floud. How'd you get it that way?"

     "Fed it a carrot," her brother mumbled.

     The Usul looked thoughtful. "Ah, I see. Sorry, can't help you. Unless you'd be interested in buying this Tenna, a rare deal, only..."

     "Um, thanks, but I just realised I've got an... um... urgent dental appointment," Zarkon said, making for the door with a speed a Poogle racer would have been proud of.

     His sister followed him. "All right, smart guy, what now?"

     The defeated Grundo looked at the Floud, then at his sister. "Um... Happy Birthday, Zelkon," he said, shoving the Floud into her hands.

     His twin held the petpet at arm's length. "You really do need a new calendar. Our birthday's in May, remember?"

     "Um... Merry Christmas. Happy Arbour Day? Boxing Day? Elephante Day. Just take it."

     "I, uh..." she muttered, searching for an excuse. The Floud bit her had in an affectionate sort of way. Suddenly, she smiled. "OK, then."

     Zarkon knew his sister too well to trust her on an issue like this. "What? You're just... taking it?"

     "Of course." Her smile grew wider. "After all, I was planning to get you, oh, maybe a Reptillor..."

The End

Author's Note: No, I actually do not support inhumane experiments on petpets, unless I personally happen to be doing them. If you want to rant about my slander of the wonderful, caring people who campaign tirelessly against petpet abuse, tell me the nearest holiday, or tell me what happened when you fed a Floud a carrot, why don't you Neomail me?


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