NEOPIA CENTRAL - There's a time in every Neopian's life when everything just
becomes... boring. Looks like you did everything there is to do and there's
nothing else to it... What a desperate situation. Well, my friend, I've got
your solution: you need... a hobbit! Wait, that's not what I meant, I meant
a hobby! A hobby, yes, sir.
You know how retired people always dedicate their free time to building and
painting little miniatures of boats, paint scenery or knit? Well now it's your
turn to find a true Neopian hobby to fill up all those hours you have free!
Even Chet Flash has a hobby! If you thought you'd reached Neopia's end, then
let me illuminate you with fifteen hobby suggestions!
1) Start a collection. It's pretty simple: pick an item and buy as many
of that item as possible. Of course, this one is fairly common, so you should
try something original if you don't want to be just another collector in the
crowd. How many Giftboxes can you gather? Or Empty Pillow cases? Ooh, exciting!
2) A small variation of collections is galleries. This time you pick
a kind of items and try to get all the items of that kind to display in your
shop. You can have a blue theme gallery or all the plushies in Neopia, if that
suits your taste. Be prepared, however, because with this hobby a new one comes:
replying to "ur pricez r 2 hi!!!!11 ur ascammer imma reportz u!!!!!111!" Neomails.
Definitely, will keep you entertained for long.
3) Become a FAN! What better occupation that to stalk someone in Neopia?
Pick someone famous (or someone at random) and become their biggest fan! Just
imagine, you could send them obsessed Neomails every five seconds, buy everything
in their shop so they'd notice you, advertise their awesome deeds and heroic
actions in the boards and basically act crazy about them every time you see
their username somewhere or you read someone talking about them! You could also
hunt down everyone who talks bad about your idol - how dare they not adore him/her?!
Must... die...!! Ahem, just don't be too surprised if the said idol blocks you.
Not to worry, though, you can always find someone else to adore.
4) Count potatoes. No, seriously, people at Meridell do it all the time!
It's a great game and you could even practice at home when your three tries
for the day are over. Just buy Meridell's entire stash of potatoes and throw
random amounts into each division of your NeoHome, then you count away each
division! You could also hold contests with your pet; just remember to stop
every three hours to nibble something, okay? We don't want any starving creature
or slow metabolisms.
5) If you get sick of counting potatoes you could also try and count
how many grains of sand are in a bottle of blue sand. To flesh out this hobby
a bit more, you could see if the number is the same for every bottle. And when
you're done counting the grains of sand in every bottle in Neopia, you can move
on to the green sand and see how it compares to the blue one. Do they have more
grains in them on average? Maybe you could even get the answer to Neopia's most
deep, mysterious and important question: how many grains are exactly alike in
each bottle? I wonder if the answer is 42...
6) Pets are an important part of your Neopian life, so make sure your
hobby doesn't interfere in your care for them. One of the ways to avoid neglecting
your pets is actually finding a hobby which has to do with them directly. And
why not the Gourmet Food Club? It's great for you because it will keep you busy
finding gourmet foods and you get fame, and great for the pet who gets to be
stuffed with exquisite foods until they get as fat as a whale, extremely sick
of food just wanting to throw up and would gladly turn plushie so their stomachs
would disappear and they would never have to eat again. As you can see, only
benefits come with this hobby.
7) And while you're at the whole pet pampering thing, why not try the
beauty contest? You could groom your pet continuously, making sure every single
hair of them is clean and had shampoo, conditioner, hydrating cream and fortifying
cream applied to them, as well as combing and perfuming the perfect(ly spoiled)
pet. Of course, all of this is optional since it doesn't take a great picture
of a great pet to win the beauty contest. A simple copy and paste pic and your
50,000 friends will do.
8) Another popular hobby regarding the pets is the Battledome. In this
fantastic hobby, your pet has a privileged position - they get to be the ones
who go in the dome getting hit and attacked while you show off your weapons
and strategy! Oh, and don't worry about them being knocked out and feeling terrible
about it. One healing potion and they're ready to go, for the rest of their
lives! So all you have to do here is buy the really good weapons, develop an
efficient strategy and slay all the other pets in the dome! This will provide
you with great barbaric fun and lots of fame and respect. Maybe one day you'll
be like this one user, and people will go crazy every time you post in the Battledome
message board advertising your shop. Yes, you too can reach that point if you
are dedicated to your Battledome hobby.
9) If the chats are your thing, here's the perfect hobby for you: you
login, go to the chats and stay there! Yes, you can actually make chatting your
hobby, but first there are a few things you'll need to know. If you manage to
learn their intricate hierarchy of n00bs and regs, and learn to tAlK liK3 tH1z,
you'll be the start of the boards in no time. Also, you'd have to spend many
hours practising how to properly post ads to your shop, guild or beauty contest
link in the wrong board. This could take a lot of time, but practice makes perfect.
And you could also ask one of the many users experienced in this area for tips.
10) You could also try and unleash your poetic alter-ego and write a
wonderful poem to send for the poetry contest in the Deep Catacombs. Remember,
poems don't have to rhyme, but yours will have to in order to be published.
This is overall a great hobby, and will get you a nice trophy for your user
lookup as well as some monetary rewards that you can later on spend in a Poet's
Hat.
11) Has dung always been your obsession? Would you do anything to meet
the Stinky Faerie? Do you have a poster of dung in your bedroom which you kiss
every night before going to sleep? Well then, you fecalphiliac, Stinky Faerie
helper is the perfect past-time occupation for you! Collect dung and other stinky
poo items and distribute them to Neopians! Just imagine how much joy you'd be
spreading! If you do your job right maybe Mr. Shankly - no, Mr. Hankey will
pay you a visit on the day of giving!
12) Other good hobby is building a NeoHome You can build dozens of rooms
and fill them with furniture to the limit, have all the upgrades and many, many
gardens. Ah, isn't it grand? When it's finally complete, you can just leave
it there for no one else to notice.
13) Still related to NeoHomes, there's a great hobby extremely underrated
by many: gardening. Build a garden in your piece of land and then you're ready
to get your hands dirty! With dirt! Real brown dirt, even packed with worms
if you're lucky! Learn all about the different kinds of plants and flowers and
how they go together and feel fulfilled when you open a hole in the ground and
stick the beautiful plant in. Water them, talk to them, add a few garden gnomes
to keep them company and violá! You'll have a wonderful garden! And you
can always have a second one, or even a third! Yes, a world of possibilities,
the gardens world is...
14) Another great hobby is mimicking. Yes, you play the mime this time!
Pick your favourite Neopian character and mime them for a day! This will work
with random people too, but doesn't have the same effect. Plus, if you mime
the Pant Devil maybe you'd get lucky and someone mistakes you for the real Pant
Devil and lets you steal one of their items! Or so you can say to the Chia Police
when they get you... In case it is the Neopian asylum that gets you, refer them
to this article and maybe they'll agree to mime the Dysfunctional Ducks with
you!
15) Lastly, if your insanity level is beyond the 'Dr. Sloth with My
Little Uni underwear on his head singing showtunes' category, you can always
try and become a Neopian Times writer. Note: the writer of this article does
not take any responsibility for the use of this suggestion. Become a NT writer
at your own risk. Disclaimer: It's not like all Neopian times writers are
uber insane - not at all. It just happens that all the ones I know were either
always like this or went completely insane after their first publications. It
might have something to do with a certain guild or forum, but who knows?
So there you have it, fifteen suggestions for what to do when it looks like
you have nothing to do anymore. If you have another suggestion, or would just
like to tell me how much you hated this article, feel free to Neomail me. | 
