"You really should join a guild," Hotty the green Mynci
advised, "They're great. My owner just joined one."
"I thought your owner joined a new guild two
weeks ago," Zelkon the red Grundo said.
"She joined a different one," Hotty clarified.
Zelkon had run out of useful things to say. "Oh."
It was still hard to understand how guilds worked,
but as far as Zelkon could see they were large groups of people with nothing
better to do. From the active guild-hopping of Hotty's owner, it seemed that
guilds were places to get free graphics and participate in the occasional useless
contest before moving on.
"Here's a list of the guilds my owner's been
to. Maybe you could choose one," Hotty suggested, pulling out a thick sheaf
of papers.
"Each one has a very detailed description, does
it?" Zelkon asked, determined to contribute to the conversation.
"No, these are just the names." The Mynci didn't
seem to notice her friend's incredulous look. "She's been to a lot of guilds,
you see."
The red Grundo sighed and skimmed the first few
pages.
"I will not," she declared, "Join a guild
whose members cannot even spell 'girl.'"
Undaunted, Hotty handed over another piece of
paper. "You could join a Grundo guild. I looked up a few."
'A few' was right. Hotty had only been able
to find two. "Each species gets its own guild?"
"It... well..." the Mynci gave up. "It's hard
to explain."
***
Zarkon was used to being short. When you're twins with one of the tallest Grundos
on the planet you get used to being the little one. He'd never thought of Zelkon
as small before.
But compared to the other Grundos in the guild,
his sister was... short. They weren't just tall, they had been built on a whole
different scale on which he and his sister were practically microscopic.
The mingling groups were settling into chairs
in the centre of the room the guild was using as a meeting place. He followed
Zelkon, who chose a seat in the back next to one of the huge creatures that
Zarkon was beginning to recognise as human. He was still a little unsure
of what role these life forms played in Neopian society. They appeared to serve
as caretakers, mentors, or trainers to a group of four pets, and were usually
treated as a parent. Still, he'd heard them referred to as 'owners,' something
he really couldn't understand. Was Neopia so backwards that people still had
slaves?
This one didn't look very intimidating. Its hair
was sticking up in a huge brownish mass, and the original colour of its shirt
and jeans were practically invisible under a layer of soot and the remains of
yesterday's lunch.
A silver Grundo--tall even for Neopian standards--mounted
a crude platform in the centre of the room. "Anyone missing today? No? Good,
because there are some important announcements I need to make. First, about
the war-"
An angry clamour rose. Zarkon heard sentences
in both Neopian and Grundoish.
The speaker waited for the din to die down. "It
has been suggested," he continued smoothly, "That our guild take a side
in the war. However, I prefer that, while we each choose our own sides, our
organisation as a whole will remain neutral. This means that we will not-" he
stared pointedly at several guilty faces in the crowd- "Criticise or challenge
any member of the guild for his or her beliefs."
"There's a war going on?" Zelkon whispered to
her brother, "Where?"
"Secondly, I would like to welcome a representative
from our newest ally, the... um... the..." he consulted a piece of paper, "The
guild we're allied with! Everyone, give loveablepet2007 a hand!"
Every pair of red eyes in the room turned to
look at the human beside Zelkon. She looked confused.
"You're supposed to stand up," said a voice on
the other side of the human. It shot up off its seat, knocking over its chair
in the process. A few Grundos clapped politely.
"Give her a what?" asked Zelkon, who
wasn't familiar with some of the most basic Neopian sayings. The human picked
up its chair noisily and sat down, looking slightly panicked.
"And last, but not least, let's say hello to
our two newest members-" he paused and read off a sheet, "Za- Zar- Zelc..."
he squinted at his paper again. A green Grundo crept up next to him and they
held a whispered argument. "I've got no idea how to pronounce that, but, uh,
welcome anyway! Zot, you'll be answering any questions the new members may have."
The crowd immediately dispersed (fled
is probably a better word). The short (by Neopian standards, that is- he still
towered over the twins) green Grundo who had conversed with the guild leader
made his way through the milling crowd to them. "Ssss," he hissed, "I'm Zot,
sssssecond in command."
"Er... hello," said Zarkon as politely as possible.
Something about the Grundo was vaguely unnerving.
"No need to introducssse yourssssselvesssss,
I know who you are already," Zot lisped. Zarkon backed up a few steps.
The spooky Grundo's voice took on a hurt tone.
"You are sssssscared of me. Everyone issssssss alwayssssss sssssscared of me.
Do you think it'sssssss eassssssy, ssssssssounding like a sssssstupid Cobrall
all the time? It'sssssss just a ssssssstupid accssssssent."
"I can't hear anything wrong with your accent,
can you, Zarkon?" asked Zelkon nervously (she was more used to picking fights
than breaking them up).
"I...ouch, watch where you're going, you just
stomped on my foot," Zarkon scowled at his sister.
"He's a little nervous around strangers," she
apologised to Zot.
"I'm n--ow, you did it again!"
"I ssssssee," Zot sniffed, "For your information,
my family issssss from the Haunted Woodssssss. Everyone sssssspeaksssss thissssss
way there." He paused to glare at Zarkon. "Follow me, I'll introducssssse you
to the other guild membersssssss."
He began to shove his way back through the crowd,
with the twins trailing behind.
Great, thought Zarkon, My first time
meeting these people, and I've already managed to insult the second in command.
And I thought my sister had no social skills!
***
Zot stopped in front of the silver Grundo who'd read the announcements. "Thisssssss
issss Ssssssssilver_ssssssstarzzzzzzz, the guild leader," he announced.
The silver Grundo looked up from the thick notepad
he'd been writing on. "Oh, hullo. You're the new members, right? Your names
don't sound familiar. Meridellian, are you?"
"Actually, we're not from Neopia, we're from--"
Zelkon began.
"Ah, the Space Station. I see, that's good.
Run along, then." He turned back to the notepad.
Zot had already walked off, but Zelkon had more
questions for him. "The guild leader has a very strange name," she said when
she finally caught up with him, "Do all Neopians have names like that?"
Zot looked down at her, slightly annoyed that
he still had to answer all her questions. "Yesssss, most of ussssss do. He doessssssn't
like hisssssss name, he sssssssayssssss it'ssssss too girlie. He'sssssss a pound
pet. He'ssssss nicsssse, but very forgetful. I do mossssssst of the work around
here."
Zelkon had heard of the pound, but never positively.
She'd decided to give up on trying to understand that particular part of Neopian
culture. "What kind of work do you do?"
"I arrange contesssssstsssss and monitor the
boardssssss - well, I sssssssuppose Fred:) doessssss mossssssst of that. Here'ssssss
Fred:), the chat board monitor."
Zelkon knew what 'monitor' meant, and she knew
what 'board' meant, and she thought she understood what 'chat' meant. They didn't
seem to be words that were usually used together.
"Fred-colon-parentheses? Is that a normal name
too?"
"No, Fred:). It'ssssss chatsssssssspeak. There'ssssss
an art to it."
"hi :)" said a short, dumpy purple Grundo cheerfully,
"im fred:) wuz ^???"
"Fred:) sssssspeakssssss only in chatsssssspeak,"
Zot explained, "It issssss sssssomething of a ssssssspeach impairment. It usssssed
to be a rare dissssseassssse, but many more people have it now."
"i speak just fine" Fred:) argued, "ur just
jealous cuz u cant understand me!!!!"
"I hope they find a cure soon," said Zelkon.
"i g2g" muttered Fred:) (now Fred:[ ), and left
in a huff.
"Was it something I said?" she asked Zot.
"No, he issssss jussssst a little touchy about
that ssssssubject," Zot, who seemed to have magically forgotten his argument
with Zarkon, replied.
"Thanks for waiting for me, dearest sister."
Zarkon, who had gotten separated in the crowd, had finally caught up with them.
"Ah, good, only one other member left worth
introducsssssing you to," Zot said, as the twins pondered the fact that he'd
said nearly a whole sentence without lisping a single 's,' "We call him Ssssssteak.
Ssssshort for 'Misssssstake,' and alsssssso becasssssse that'sssssss mainly
what he eatssssss."
He pointed out a kind of wobbling mass of warts
and slime. When you have something that messed-up looking, 'mistake' is the
obvious name.
"We took him becaussssssse, well, frankly, no
one elssssssse would," their reluctant guide explained, "We aren't quite ssssssssure
if he'ssssss a Grundo, but Sssssssilver told usssss to be open about the whole
mutantssssss isssssssue."
Zelkon opened her mouth to ask yet another question,
but was silenced by her first glimpse of Steak's eyes. Well, supposedly they
were eyes... they were red, like usual eyes, and positioned roughly above what
could, on a good day, be thought of as the mouth, but there was something different
about them. For one thing, normal eyes weren't supposed to glow like that.
The blob shrieked something, waving things that
might be stumpy antenna. It sounded angry- but then again, what did it usually
sound like?
"Ssssssome people ssssssaid he'sssss from Sssssloth,
but I think even He wouldn't have thought up ssssssssomething as weird
as Sssssteak," Zot was saying.
"Oh, and another thing--" Zelkon began.
"silver wants 2 talk 2 u, zot" said Fred:), who had come up behind them, "sumthing
important"
"What?" the green Grundo asked.
"don't kno. O.o" Fred:) said cryptically, "sumthing
about ourally."
"Okay." Zot turned to the twins. "Ssssssee you."
"*our ally," corrected Fred:)
***
"I can't see why anyone would want to join a guild,"
Zarkon grumbled, "That was horrible."
His sister grinned. "You'll get used to it. Unless
you'd like to join a different one, and do that all over again?"
He shuddered. "You have strange ways of making
me see the silver lining in every cloud."
The End | 
