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Foods for the Pampered Pet

by infernodragon02


NEOPIA CENTRAL - So you've decided you want to live like a celebrity. You've got the paintbrushes, the best Battledome equipment money can buy, and a splendid neohome. With all the glitter and glam associated with a large bank till, what could be missing? Food fit for King Skarl, that's what! The Gourmet Club features those Neopets that spend millions in search of the finest delicacies Neopia can offer. Kalgaloth the Baby Bori is here to make your Neopets feel like the pampered aristocrats they are, so put down your omelettes and read on!


1. Patrapiller and Honey - This one comes straight to you from the Lost Desert. Yes, they have more than just sand out there! You really should eat more bugs. They’re good protein. They’re so much more healthy than the average, say, Cheesy Chocoshake. On the other hand, the honey means... well, never mind. This is a gourmet club, not a health spa! About the food: the patrapiller is caught fresh from the Lost Desert Sands and is baked naturally by the sun to a nice juicy medium. The honey adds a tang while allowing the patrapiller to - ahem - crawl down smoothly. You can’t go wrong with this rarity 97 if you want to save room for dessert. Just don’t eat the stick. Seriously. Don’t eat it.

2. Blue Draik Egg - You know, you may think that eating an unhatched Neopet is cruel. Well, there is a reason why everyone clamors for these things. Sure, people who sit in Meridell all day for an attempt to buy one of these things may seem crazy, but what’s really messed up is them selling! You know, they banned feeders from giving these to the Kadoaties so more people could taste them. Bad greedy creatures! But I digress... break open the shell to find a beautifully creamy inside. Dig to the center to reach the rich... part. Ok, maybe paying millions for this rarity 95 seems a little much, but I say go for it. Unless you like looking at that bloated Meerca shopkeeper.


3. Fyora Day Fizz - Excuse my drool. If there is any faerie I trust, it’s that Fyora. That extends to foodstuffs named after her, too. She is queen, after all; only a drink for royalty is worthy of this meal. They say that only Fyora knows what is in this thing, but methinks I can figure it out. Stand back, folks; I’m a trained professional! Hmm... I believe I detect a faint hint of vanilla with a strong undercurrent of raspberry. Oh who am I kidding!? Everyone knows they could put whatever they want into it and get away with it. Hey, Jhudora could be slipping mind-control potions in... maybe that’s why I’m so addicted to this drink! But I would certainly risk that to get one sip. Luckily for you, this rarity 91 will only set you back a few thousand NP, so you can drink more and more and more...

4. Strawberry Kiwi Tea - I hate to bring up the health issue again, but this drink here is much better for you than any Neocola, and it’s tastier to boot! You cannot, I repeat, cannot go wrong with strawberries. They even throw in some fresh strawberries to keep the tea plush to the last drop. Double the flavor, double the fun. Then there is the kiwi on the outside. If you are like me, you like to nibble on some fresh fruit after the main dish. However, I would be interested in a tea that combined the kiwi and the strawberry. Yes, I’m a genius and I should get my own official shop. Mail in your requests to TNT now, dearies! Anyhow, this rarity 94 is rather tough to find. Talk about popularity! Get your hands on some while you can.

The Main Course

5. Diamond Hot Dog - What better way to start out your quest than with something from the heart of Neopia that will really show your bling? I don't know how much Hubert pays in pure Neopoints to put diamonds on each bun, but it can't be less than the cost of this thing. Thankfully, it appears that Hubert is willing to take a loss every once in a while to treat Neopia. Thanks, Hubert! No wonder it is a rarity 99 item, though.

I know what you're thinking - there is no way I'm eating rocks. Well, stop worrying about your teeth and just try this baby. The diamonds add a nice crunch that contrasts well with the soft bun. They will certainly cool your mouth down after a piping hot cup of Borovan, that's for sure. Good luck even finding a solid price; it is that popular.

7. Chilled Eyes with Clam Sauce - Simply put, there is no better place to find bizarre yet ever so delectable food than in the Haunted Woods. Don't knock this one as disgusting until you try it. Fresh eyes sautéed in a tasty clam sauce make this one meal to remember. The eyes have a surprising crunch to them. The coolness of the food makes it good for a hot day. And that tangy sauce is a beautiful contrast to the chilled eyes. Maybe you will find a pearl or something. Don't count on it. I'm sure the shopkeeper already swiped it. Anyway, at least you can brag to your friends that you ate eyeballs and liked it. Fortunately, this one is only a rarity 90, rapidly declining in price.


8. Freshly Cut Grass Slushie - Oh sure. Roll your eyes and say "But Kalgaloth, surely grass is not the way a prince eats!" Sure, it sounds disgusting, but how many of your friends can say they've sipped grass? Besides, this gourmet slushie is incredibly appetizing. I can't really describe this one. You'll just have to try it yourself. Trust me, you'll stopping in the Slushie Shop all the time. Unfortunately, it is pretty hard to find this rarity 99.

9. Holiday Bell Chocolate Advent Calendar - Any food based off of something that hands out free goodies by principle must be delicious. And chocolate equals the ultimate luxury. Combine the two and there is no returning from wonderland. I chose this calendar over the others because it features a mixture of chocolates. As you may have guessed, I like a little variety in my life. You can substitute other calendars for this one but I personally prefer the allure of the dark chocolate. You can't go wrong with that rich flavor. It also makes the perfect gift year-round. This rarity 97 will set you back about 450,000 NP.

10. Tartan Chia Pop - For those of you who want it all, you can get it all in this patterned pop. It is perfect for those of you who cannot or will not pay millions for every single Chia Pop out there. It's got the orange, the grape, the lemon, the pineapple, and so forth. With one bite, you get this unique blend of flavors. I suggest you eat it slowly and relish each flavor bite by bite so you get the full force of all the flavors. Otherwise, you will merely get an overwhelming blend that will leave you and your wallet dry. This is the ultimate way to top off a feast. This rarity 99 will set you back about two million NP.

11. Jelly... Oh please, everyone knows that Jelly World does not exist.

Ah, it appears I’ve come to the end of the dining room table. Sorry, but I cannot offer you any more advice on what gourmets to seek out, as I’m feeling a little bloated. But don’t fear... you haven’t seen the last of me! For now, I bid you adieu and good eating.

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