I was walking through the Haunted Woods last week when I heard a loud cry for help. The voice, coming from a young Wocky, was unknown to me, but the cause of the Wocky’s fear was all too familiar: a Slorg.
As most know, the Slorg is a fairly common petpet that originated from the Haunted Woods. Its origin, in a way, reflects its current standing within Neopian society. The Haunted Woods is a strange place, somewhat scary, perhaps even a little... dangerous, but what most Neopians (well, at least those who don’t lack common sense) know is that underneath this façade there’s a land which is rich in its “Spook Culture”. It is a land that boasts famous attractions such as the Castle of Eliv Thade, the Game Graveyard and the Deserted Fairground. It is also the home of last year’s victors in the Altador Cup: the Haunted Woods Team.
So how exactly is a Slorg like the Haunted Woods? Well, let me illustrate my point further. After “rescuing” the previously mentioned Wocky from the Slorg I proceeded to introduce the two. I explained to the Wocky that, in reality, he had nothing to fear from this happy little creature. Despite the fact that the Slorg did look a little scary and left massive trails of slime in its wake, it was, in actual fact, completely harmless.
It appeared to me that it was the Slorg who was more afraid of the Wocky than the other way around. When I told this to the Wocky he quickly realised the error of his ways. He looked down at the small, green petpet staring up at him with innocent, wide eyes and realised in that moment that a Slorg was the embodiment of an ideal petpet. I agreed completely – Slorgs were loyal, (somewhat) intelligent and a breeze to look after. There was only one thing going against myself, the Wocky and the Slorg: a negative public opinion.
It was after this chance meeting with the Wocky and his petpet to-be that I stumbled upon an idea. Or rather, an idea presented itself to me and refused to go away until I had sufficiently written about it. Perhaps it was just my Tyrannian Slorg sitting on my shoulder and the feeling of slime oozing through my T-shirt that prompted me to write, but either way the feeling would not leave me – I had to write something big, something political. A statement about the Slorg in all its glory. A piece of writing that would urge Neopians everywhere to let go of their preconceptions and embrace this petpet wholeheartedly.
So I began at the source of the problem: publicity. Some sort of public event needed to be staged so that Slorgs could receive the publicity they deserved. I contacted the Petpet Protection League – but they weren’t interested. (Quoth the Petpet Protection League’s Vice-President’s Under-Secretary: “Who in their right mind is going to want another day dedicated to a slimy, ugly little petpet like a Slorg? Eh?”)
But the Petpet Protection League’s Vice-President’s Under-Secretary did have one valid point: Slorgs already have one day a year dedicated to them – the 3rd of November. So perhaps having an extra special day was not what was needed. I mean, Moehogs and Buzzes have a day a year dedicated to them and they still remain vastly unpopular, don’t they?
I decided on a different course of action. To change public opinion of these gentle creatures would require tactful planning and subtle coercion. It would require a means of communication that could reach all types of Neopians on different levels. And then it clicked: the Neopian Times. What better way to state my case and put forward my argument?
Brainstorming possibilities late one afternoon I realised that simply telling Neopians that “Slorgs are friends not fiends” would not be enough. I needed to provide some sort of tangible proof that these marvellous creatures were and are the ideal addition to any family.
So, dear reader, take a look for yourself at the marvels of the Slorg. They come in many colours and are hand-washable. Not sure which Slorg is for you? Here is a brief list of the top ten Slorgs that can’t wait to meet you.
10. The Pink Slorg
A popular outcome on many-a-user’s “Which Petpet Are You?” test this Slorg is both feminine and spooky at the same time. It is a perfect match for almost any pet and there are rumours circulating that Dr. Frank Sloth himself recently invested in one of these.
9. The Snow Slorg
A definite best friend for any dweller of Terror Mountain this petpet does have the tendency to melt in warmer climates. Warning: keep away from the Lost Desert, Tyrannia, lit fireplaces and Fire pets.
8. The Halloween Slorg
If the image of a Halloween Slorg conjures up fear in you, don’t worry! This is perhaps what most Neopians see in their minds when they come across a friendly Slorg. But fear not, this is one petpet that your Ghost or Halloween pet would adore for years to come.
7. The Custard Slorg
Despite the fact that this Slorg is 100% edible, it makes the perfect companion for any pet that is not a sweet tooth. Just make sure that it is kept well fed so that it does not have the urge to eat itself.
6. The Maraquan Slorg
If your pet is an underwater dweller then look no further! A Maraquan Slorg is the answer to all your pet’s petpet needs. Capable of living underwater for extended periods of time as well as on land, it is a sure friend for any Maraquan or Island pet.
5. The Pirate Slorg
Aye, there be a Pirate Slorg for all those who prefer the Pirate’s life. Much better than a silly Pawkeet the Pirate Slorg will happily sit on your shoulder long through the day. The perfect accessory for anyone who dreams of a life on the high seas.
4. The Plushie Slorg
The idea that all Slorgs are icky and slimy couldn’t be further from the truth when considering the huggable Plushie Slorg. It is the only type of Slorg that doesn’t leave slime trails wherever it goes and is amazingly easy to maintain. Just make sure that you have a needle and thread handy in case it tears a seam.
3. The Faerie Slorg
If one were to describe this Slorg in one word, it would be “Elegant.” This Slorg is nothing if not classy and as such the perfect petpet for any Royal or Faerie pet out there. It is also the ideal petpet for any pet who likes to travel due to its handy pair of wings that allows it to keep up with any pet.
2. The Tyrannian Slorg
Able to withstand even the hottest climates from all around Neopia this is a great all-purpose Slorg. A personal favourite of mine, the Tyrannian Slorg is amongst the most fiercely loyal petpets on offer.
1. The Slorg
The original and the best. Whether it be in terms of affordability or adorability nothing screams “I’m a Slorg – be my friend” louder than the classic green Slorg. A true winner every time.
Just look at the pictures of those ten Slorgs. Can you honestly say that they are all scary and icky? In truth they are ten of the friendliest petpets on offer in all of Neopia. Perhaps I am not in need of stealth tactics to convince you that Slorgs are really the best petpet you could get. I’m pretty sure that you can see for yourself that a Slorg is the ideal petpet for any pet in search of a companion.
Maybe I haven’t managed to convince everyone that having a Slorg is the only way to go but if I’ve managed to convince just one person or one pet then I will leave my argument here. It takes just one person speaking out to begin a wave of change. If enough people embrace the Slorg then slowly and reliably the stigma associated with them will have to change.