For an easier life Circulation: 143,499,168 Issue: 300 | 13th day of Swimming, Y9
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30 Ways to Celebrate 300


by taipeiss

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Welcome, one and all, to the 300th edition of the Neopian Times! So much has happened in the past one hundred issues. Great adventures have been told, gut-bustingly funny comics have been drawn, and many articles about every topic under Kreludor have received virtual printing. So how, you ask, do you celebrate this milestone in Neopian Times history? Look no further! Here are thirty great ideas for how to have fun on this wonderous weekend. Why not three hundred ideas, you ask? Well, if you do each of these ten times, it all adds up. So, without further ado, here are 30 ways to celebrate Neopian Times issue 300!

1. Throw a Neopian Times party! Invite all your friends for black and white cake and cupcakes, and make party hats out of old issues of the NT. Make a pinata out of rejection letters, and whack it with a stick until it cracks open!

2. Fill your Petpet litter trays with handfuls of sand this week, not newspaper!

3. Frame your favorite stories, articles, comics, or front pages, and hang them on your walls. All the decoration for a fraction of the cost of buying an issue pre-framed!

4. Make garden decorations out of old issues of the NT, then dedicate an entire plot to your new ink-leafed creations! Warning, you might want to stow these in a normal shed when the forecast calls for rain, unless you're into that whole "river of ink and sodden globs of paper everywhere" look. Hey, to each their own...

5. Throw a parade! Get all of your friends and march up and down the street, playing musical instruments and tossing copies of the Times to the crowd! (Note: this author is not responsible for paper-to-forehead injuries, nor for a lack of crowd on your street.)

6. Gather up your thespian friends and act out your favorite stories and series from the Neopian Times!

7. Bring this issue of the Neopian Times to Neoschool for your silent reading period material. If your teachers disapprove, hide it by tucking it into a copy of "The Way Windmills Work." Hiding does, in fact, work that way.

8. Make your own Yooyu out of newspapers, and invite your friends over for a mini Yooyuball tournament. Winner gets to keep the Yooyu! Warning, these Yooyus shouldn't be given water, or a bath...

9. Pay a visit to the Punch Club and vote with the members which comics were the best this week. But don't talk about it.

10. Try to get Skarl and Hagan to come to a consensus on the question, "was or was not Chet Flash here?"

11. Send some of your favorite Neopian Times authors a Neomail, and tell them you think they're great! Or grape, if they ask you what kind of popsicle you think they'd be if... they.. were... a popsicle. It's a perfectly valid question! Stop looking at me like that!

12. Debate with your friends the origin of the White Weewoo and its Neopian Times affiliation, then read Once in a White Weewoo... by ridergirl333 and find out the truth! Winner gets total "I told you so" rights.

13. Whack A Sloth! Lots and lots of Whack A Sloth! You know, that game where you help a Grundo whack a sock puppet, made to look like that mad evil scientist, with a rolled up issue of the Neopian Times? Yeah! Whack a Sloth!

BZZT!

This is Sloth, your leader. Now that this author is under subjection to my mind control device, I can correct the errors being spread here. Neopian Times? Pah! And whacking me with copies of it?! No longer, I say! I will continue this list with the REAL suggestions of what you, my puny minion followers, must do. Commence!

14. Burn every copy of your silly Neopian Times newspaper. Every copy! If you only burn three hundred, you have fallen short of the goal that I, your leader, have given you!

15. Fashion what papers that have escaped fiery death into the shapes of petpets, those dreaded, disgustingly adorable things. *shudders* Then, alas! Feed them to the Turmaculus! Hahahaha!

16. Collect the papers produced each week after the burning and feeding, and use them to build a new fleet of rockets for my army! Your master commands this! All of Neopia shall toil to my victory!

17. Once the rocket project has been accomplished, all articles, stories, and comics that become published in the newspaper will be dedicated to me, your leader!

18. Rename the "Neopian Times" the "Sloth Forever Chronicles!" It sounds much better on the ears, don't you think? Just sort of rolls off of the tongue.

19. Find this "Chet Flash," and lock him away! Who is he? Why was he here? These are things I do not understand and, thusly, should not be bothered with. Away with him!

20. These White Weewoos, these blasted feathery balls of paper-delivering fluff, they are unneeded! Lock them in a pen, and replace all paper deliveries with Robot Weewoos.

21. Implement a one thousand Neopoints charge for every paper delivered every week to every Neopian. The Neopoints shall be amassed in the center of Neopian Central's shopping area, and constructed into a statue honoring ME, your beloved leader! Muhahaha!

22. Stare into this hypnotic swirl I'm showing you right here. You know nothing of the "Happiness Faerie." Dr. Sloth is the fiercest, most intimidating being in all of this universe. You will forgot all images and words relating to the "Happiness Faerie" that you have ever seen or heard. You will also forget that the number "22" ever existed. Moving on!

23. Replace every book in Neopia with an issue of the Sloth Forever Chronicles.

24. Produce extra copies of the Sloth Forever Chronicles, which shall be thrown into the oceans of Neopia. They will suck up all of the water, creating only one large landmass that I may take control of!

Oh no... my control on this puny creature is weakening... BZZT!

...Whoa... what just happened? I must've fallen asleep or something. It looks like I've already finished half of this article? Well, no need to go back over it. If I don't get it right the first time, I never will. Onward!

25. Find issues of the Neopian Times with your favorite comic, and cut them all out to make a collage to hang on your wall!

26. Neopian Times Pizza. Seriously, if they can make Mud Pizza, why not? Twice the tomato sauce goodness with half the calories!

27. Come up with 300 possibilities to fill in the blank in the phrase "Neopia's Fill-in-the-blank News Source." My first idea? "Ninja."

28. Play some fetch with your Spardel or Puppyblew and an old copy of the Neopian Times.

29. Get your friends together and wear I Love The Neopian Times T-Shirts all around Neopia. Warning, people may think you're an army of Neopian Times fans and cower in fear from your superiority. Huh, you know, I'm not really seeing the downside to that...

30. Write something awesome for this special issue! ...Well, I suppose it's a bit late, but it's not too late to start planning for the next big Neopian Times milestone, so get to brainstorming!

Well there you have it, one and all! 30 awesome suggestions for celebrating Neopian Times issue 300! Have a great weekend, everyone!

 
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