The Masked Moehog
"MARVIN! If you don't get down here this instant, I'll leave
"I'm serious, Marvin! Everyone else is ready!
You're keeping us all up!"
"Don't make me come up there and drag you down!"
More of the same, I'm afraid.
"Okay, that's it! Here...I...come!"
Footsteps approached loudly as the owner of
the voice stomped up the stairs, not the Marvin knew they were coming, for he
was way too busy...
"Sleeping?" the human boy asked in disbelief
as he opened the door to his pet Moehog's room. "Again? Why does he read
all those comics if they always make him so sleepy?"
Indeed, the Moehog in question was sleeping
quite blissfully at his writing desk, his head propped-up on a medium-sized
pile of comic books, the most recently read one -- he had fallen asleep halfway
through it, it seemed -- was beginning to become drenched in the bovine's drool,
the inks running so much that they had nearly disappeared altogether.
"I guess I'll leave him here after all," the
boy whispered down to his other two pets as he softly closed the door and crept
back down the stairs. "He'll only be grouchy if we wake him up...come on then,
let's go have some fun on Mystery Island!"
Leaving the Neohome, the boy tried valiantly
to close the door behind him silently, but as always it got stuck on the foot-wiping
mat. Slowly losing his patience, the boy kicked the mat down the hallway and
slammed the door shut.
This set-off two events in Marvin's room. Above
the writing desk at which the Neopet was slumbering was a lamp, placed there
precariously to light up any of the Moehog's night-time reading. This, after
many weeks of being buffeted closer to the edge of the makeshift shelf it had
been placed on by the wind and the room shaking, finally decided to take the
plunge and fell like a Pet Rock with a rock tied to it's feet, onto the Moehog's
But not before the head rose up to meet it
part way. Awakened by the door slamming, Marvin's initial thought had been about
how rotten it was of his owner to not haven woken him up for the trip to Mystery
Island he had been looking forward to for so long. Then the lamp hit, and Marvin
thought just two words, those being 'owie,' and 'pain,' before falling asleep
once again, this time involuntarily and for only a short period of time.
When the Moehog woke up the second time in
as many minutes, it was to ask questions to no one in particular. "Where am
I? Who am I? And why does my head feel like it's been the stage for a
Chomby and the Fungus Balls concert?" The Moehog attempted to scratch his head
in thought, caught the swelling lump on top of it, winced, and thought it would
make him look all the more wiser if he scratched his chin. "Hmm, maybe this
blank looking book can help me?"
Picking up the comic book he had unknowingly
been reading only a few hours ago, the Neopet read the glossy front cover...
"THE MASKED MOEHOG!
Defender of Justice across the Realities!"
Of course! That had to be the answer! He was
the Masked Moehog and he had been called to this rather dull looking reality
to right some dastardly wrong. ...and what was that his super-powered Hog Hearing
could make out in the distance? An alarm, maybe? Or, more precisely, a bank
"A bank robbery?" the Masked Moehog
moaned is disbelief as he pushed his chair back from the desk. "I, the Masked
Moehog, Protector of the Space and Time Continyew-Continuem-Space and Time
Portal...summoned to foil a measly theft? Oh, well, better get my costume
Running onto the landing and sliding down the
banister ("the Hog Pole!"), the Moehog picked up the foot-wiping mat
from where his owner had kicked it. Grabbing some string and a hole-punch, the
Masked Moehog managed to tie his new Hog Cape around his shoulders.
"And now, my mask!" the superhero announced
dramatically to the empty dining room as his eyes searched the place for an
appropriate item. "For a Masked Moehog without the mask is like a omelette without
the egg! Ah!" he cried triumphantly upon spying the table cloth. "There
Placing the cloth over his head, the Moehog
tied it up at the back with the last remains of his string before standing proudly
in his hurried costume. "Now to foil some evildoers no-good deeds of injustice!
Masked Moehog, AWAY!"
"Er...my keen Hog Senses detect that my mask
is in dire need of eye-holes!"
Meanwhile, in the National Neopian Bank's main vault, two bandits stood stock-still.
One of them held a glowing bag as the other shouted demands to the squad of
Defenders that had trapped them in.
"We want enough cases to carry one hundred
million Neopoints! After that we'll need safe passage to the new moon, where
we intend to buy our own mansion and start an intergalactic business!"
"And if your demands are not met?" a
Defender of Neopia called back with the type of sarcasm that meant that of course
the demands wouldn't be met, but it was best to humour the fools whilst the
squad decided on a plan.
"Then my accomplice here," at the mention of
himself, the bandit holding the glowing bag pulled a pair of tongs from his
belt and delved into the bag, "will crush this Radioactive Muffin into so many
crumbs that every single Neopoint in here will grow legs and walk out with us!"
Silence came from the other side of the vault
"Worried?" the first bandit asked with a sneer
as the second one passed the tongs to him.
"No," a voice called from above them. Both
bandits looked up to the vault's skylight (don't ask me why a vault full
of money would have a skylight, I didn't build the place), where a figure stood
with hands on hips. The light caused the figure to become a silhouette...like
a panel from a comic book. "They know that they don't need to be worried anymore.
Not now that the Masked Moehog is here!"
With those proud words the figure leapt into
the vault, arms and legs outstretched...
"Ooh...could've sworn flight was one of my
"Is that...is that a kid?" the bandit
holding the Muffin asked incredulously. Upon closer inspection, he laughed out
loud. "It is! What does he think he's playing at? Is this who you send in to
stop us, O mighty Defenders?"
"He's not one of ours," the Defenders called
back in confusion. "Must be some kid playing Lets Pretend and got carried away
with the part..."
"I am no child, thieves! I am the -"
"Masked Moehog, I know, I heard you the first
time," the first bandit yawned. "Grab him, Len."
"How's about because you're not the one holding
a nuclear cake anymore?"
"That's a good 'because,' George..."
As the second bandit approached the Masked
Moehog, the Neopet stood up, staring straight at him. "Be warned! I have powers
beyond the imaginations of mortals!"
"Like plummeting? What are you waiting for,
Len? Grab him already!"
As the other bandit hurried to oblige, the
Moehog shifted into a fighting stance. "Very well!" he snarled menacingly. "But
don't say I didn't warn you...Hyper Hero Hooves of Justice!"
This strange outburst was followed by the Moehog
leaping upon the bandit known as Len, punching, kicking and generally just stamping
on the villain with all four blurring limbs.
"Hee, hee, hee!" Len gasped with laughter from
amidst the flurry of flying hooves. "St-stop that! Please! It tickles
me! I give up, alright? Uncle! Uncle!"
As the Masked Moehog jumped off of the bandit,
Len stumbled out of the vault and into the waiting arms of the Defenders, giggling
all the while.
"Stand back!" the second bandit cried as the
Moehog turned on him. He held up the tongs carrying the glowing Radioactive
Muffin. "Don't come any closer or I'll smash it to pieces!"
Slowly, menacingly, the Masked Moehog approached
the bandit, who panicked. "I-I-I warned you!" he exclaimed as he gave the Radioactive
Muffin a hard squeeze with the tongs.
The bandit was blown backwards off his feet,
slamming into the far wall of the vault where he remained in a dazed, charred
After five minutes of silence, the Defenders
decided to enter the vault with caution. Once inside they saw the other bandit
knocked unconscious over by the far wall, with a sign tied around his neck:
"This thief needs to learn about unstable
Back his home (also known as "Hog-quarters"), the Masked Moehog noticed that
someone was already inside. "They must not learn my secret identity!" he hissed
as he looked for his bedroom window. When he found it, he was glad to see some
ivy growing underneath.
Climbing up the ivy faster than a speeding Nimmo
on Prune Juice, the Moehog clambered through the window, onto the writing desk
When the Moehog awoke from where he had landed
sprawled on the floor, he was once again wondering. "What? Who am I? And why
am I wearing this strange costume?"
Then he was the cover of a book that
had landed nearby. Reading the title, everything made perfect sense to him:
"Avatar Hog, Master of Disguise!"
Author's Comments: Well, what did you all think of that? Crazy enough for
all of ya? Comments on my stories are, as always, deeply appreciated.