Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 111,440,439 Issue: 192 | 26th day of Hunting, Y7
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The Great Blurendo

by blubblub317


"More, more, more!" roared the great Skeith king of Meridell. King Skarl laughed and laughed as the purple Blumaroo pulled out of his hat exactly what Skarl requested - more, more, more. Out came a Harris, out came a bicycle, out came a Meepit lamp that really shouldn't have been in there in the first place. With each laugh of the king, the Blumaroo waved his hands again and performed another one of his magical tricks and illusions.

     "Hahaha!" King Skarl chortled, taking a gigantic bite from the turkey leg he held. "You, sir, deserve this." Skarl, using his free hand, reached around his throne and withdrew a certificate good for 'One Blumaroo Court Jester Avatar' at the redemption center in Neopia Central. The Blumaroo blushed as he grabbed the certificate, and then let out a terrifying cry and the piece of parchment disappeared in a puff of yellow smoke.

     "Thank you, sire," said the Blumaroo, nudging the numerous objects on the floor in front of him towards the platform where the throne stood on. "However, if you'll excuse me, I must take my leave. I'm booked for a 'clowns-who-never-made-it' help group at noon."

     The Blumaroo hopped away, and as he did so, he smiled, hearing the sheer cries of joy that the King and his advisors spewed from their lips, and knowing that he was the one who brought them.

     But before he could reach the doors that led to the outside of Meridell, King Skarl yelled out, "Halt! Come back here, young Blumaroo!"

     The Blumaroo swiveled to the almighty King, and slowly proclaimed, "My name is Gus. Or Gussy. Or Gussy Boy. But preferably Gus."

     King Skarl raised an eyebrow. "Riiight. Anyway, I need you to do something extremely important for me."

     Gus, as he was now known, froze. Why would the ruler of Meridell need a simpleton little Blumaroo magician like him? "Why would the ruler of Meridell need a simpleton little Blumaroo magician like him. I mean, why do you need me?"

     "Because you're part of my plan, silly willy!" King Skarl giggled humorously. "Now listen up. You need to head waaaay over to Brightwavle, where my idiot of a brother lives. One of my helpers booked him a magician for his monthly 'I Love Myself Supper'. And that magician's gonna be you."

     Gus's interest was already piqued. "Go on…"

     "Okay. So you may know my brother's a big fart dork, and he never laughs! Gosh, someone get him some happy medication! Anywho, it's your assignment to make him laugh and put him in a state of good humor so that I can break the unfortunate news that…t-that…"

     "What is it, sire?"


     The Blumaroo stared. He had heard the rumors of King Skarl being a bit off the Roo Island Merry-Go-Round, but seriously, he hadn't expected this.

     "His... blankey, sire?"

     It was then that King Skarl launched into a twenty-minute speech regarding the tale of King Hagan's Blankey. It encompassed said blankey's origins, childhood uses, and significance to King Hagan. As Skarl went on about how important it was to his brother, Gus slowly began to doze off.

     "It wasn't until eighth grade that Haggie realized the social dilemma caused by his fascination with Blankey. He was an awkward child, no larger than a teenage Skeith should be..."

     "Excuse me, King," Gus said finally, sitting up from where he had slid to the ground in boredom, "but why are you telling me all of this?"

     "Because," said the King tearfully, "last night, I... I... I RIPPED IT!" Skarl jumped out of his throne and began to pace around the throne room. "I wasn't trying to, but I had to get rid of the clutter in the attic so I sent one of my Draik maids and you know how they are with those spikes and everything and so she started to clean in the attic and dust and move things and throw things away and the blankey Hagan lent me for Halloween got caught on her tail but she didn't notice and kept on moving with it pinned on her tail and one thing led to another and the next thing I knew, there were more pieces than Jhudora has problems."

     Gus rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Okay, I'm not Roxy or Hoprah or anything like that. I'll leave your psychological issues to yourself."

     The Blumaroo turned his back to King Skarl, and began speeding his way towards the exit of the castle, until he heard that dreaded word. "STOP!"

     Gus growled. "What is it, King Skarl?"

     A tear rolled down King Skarl's cheek, and he seemed to be clutching on to his throne a bit too tightly. "You must succeed in this plan. O-or else…"

     "Or else what?"

     Suddenly, a mound of wet booger began oozing out of King Skarl's nose. "I'LL ATTACK YOU WITH MY BOOGER ARMY!"

     Gus's eyes widened in horror. "Aaaaah!" he shrieked, and then ran out of the castle.

     Once having reached a safe area where no boogers could kill him, Gus stopped and took some breaths. All of this, Skeith's emotional breakdown, the blankey, those disgusting boogers, seemed to have hit him too swiftly. The magician couldn't believe the issues this family had. He looked out, and peered at the horizon. All he saw was hills, but that sure didn't stop his determination. He was going to be the best magician he possibly could be for King Hagan, even if that meant…

     "Oh, the thought is too painful," mumbled Gus wearily, starting his long and tedious walk to Brightvale.


     "WHO GOES THERE!?" boomed the castle guard.

     Gus looked up at the two Draiks who stood on the castle's outer edge, and... sighed. The King had sent him over to Hagan's castle, and he hadn't even called to let them know to open the gate. He began his standard speech for new clients:

     "It is I, the Great Blurendo: worker of 'Wow!'s, creator of 'Cool!'s, inventor of 'Incredible!'s, obtainer of 'OHMIGOSHICOULDNEVERDOSOMETHINGTHATFREAKINGAMAZINGINMYENTIRELIFE!'I come bearing humor, magic, and wonder, a gift to King Phinneaus Hagan as offered by the great King Thaddeus Skarl of Meridell."

     The castle guards looked down at the Blumaroo in the robe, then at each other. Gus noticed them whispering to each other as he waited impatiently down at the steps of the steps of the castle. Finally, they spoke up.

     "Ahem." One Draik cleared his throat. "Thou shalt be let in, but only if you... if you-"

     "-Bring us a shrubbery!" shouted the other Draik. The two guards snickered to each other, for this surely was an impossible task.

     Gus, on the other hand, stared in wonder at the two buffoons who stood above him. "You live in a freaking forest. You'd be hard-pressed to find an area devoid of any sort of shrubbery in the first place."

     The Draiks looked at each other, then back down at Gus who was standing in a green area surrounded by... well, shrubs.

     "You've, um... you've passed our test," the guard improvised. "Come in."

     And Gus started to shiver…


     "Where to go, where to go," muttered Gus as he crept down the mammoth halls of King Hagan's castle. He had never been directed on where to go, so all of these turns and passages were confusing him.

     "Helloooo?" Gus called out, gazing at the long passage that never seemed to end. His voice echoed throughout the still area. "HELLOOOO?"

     The Blumaroo rolled his eyes, and yelled out, "Where oh where can I put this enormous container of Fried Chicken Breast that I have with me?"

     "WHO SAID THAT?!"

     Gus grinned, and replied, "It's me, The Great Blurendo! I have been sent here to perform my incredible duties of…magicalism!"

     "Forget the magic, give me the chicken!"

     An army of guards suddenly appeared out of thin air in front of Gus.

     "We're going to have to take you to the Royal Hall," an Ixi guard stated strictly.

     Gus was sure he had heard one of the guards whispering to another about where his Fried Chicken Breasts were as he was being pulled through the passage.

     "Fat idiots," Gus muttered under his breath.

     Soon, the mini-army made their way in the breathtaking Royal Hall. They suddenly halted in front of a creature that seemed to only be a big ball of fat with a crown on top of it.

     Bingo, the Blumaroo thought to himself.

     "I see no chicken!" the thing suddenly roared. "You have lied to me!"

     Gus gulped, quickly thinking of something to say. "Oh, but King, you haven't let me perform my acts of magic. That is how I will bestow you with this incredible, amazing…chicken," explained Gus slowly.

     King Hagan sat still for a moment, and then grunted. "Fine, but quickly. All of these shenanigans bore me to death."

     Gus nodded, and cracked his girlish knuckles.

     "For my first trick," he announced, pulling the cap off his head, "I will be-"

     "BOOOOOOOO!" came the giggles of the castle guards. King Hagan, not knowing whether he should join in, joined in, and booed the Blumaroo as well.

     "Okay," sighed Gus, placing the wizard's hat back on his cranium perch, "I guess I'll move on to the killer tank of Koi-"


     "All right, then, how about the Magic Meepit Menagerie-"


     "Look, I'm really starting to get-"


     "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Gus shrieked at the top of his lungs, throwing his hat down upon the floor, along with the Harris, the bicycle, the Meepit lamp that really shouldn't have been in there in the first place. They crashed to the ground as Gus shouted at the fat, dumb, ignorant Brightvaleians sitting in front of him, shocked.


     With a flash of bright light and rainbow goodness, Gus swung his arms around and out shot several dozen lightning bolts from his purple fingertips. A mortified expression came over King Hagan's face, as well as the Ixi guards, as each one of them quickly, and without any slow, grotesque mutilation phase, turned into pieces of Fried Chicken Breast. Within moments, the clothes, shields, and crown that the royal guards and king had on were smoldering in a mound of fried, breaded yummyness.

     Gus panted as he slumped to the ground in a sweat. He sat there for a moment, looking at the mess he just caused.

     "Oh my gosh," he gasped, looking at the mess he just caused. "Look at the mess I've just caused! I'll be thrown to the Esophagor! Well, we'll have to do something about that, then!"

     The Blumaroo picked up his hat, dusted it off a bit, and perched it back upon his head. He mumbled a few words and waved around his arms, and suddenly, a flash of light surrounded him and the entire throne room.

     "Well, now," he said, brushing off his shoulders, "I suppose this new form will suit me quite well. Yes, quite very well."

     And Hannah the Usul walked out of Brightvale Castle.

The End

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