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Laughable Items Galore!


by thebiscuitbunch

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TNT has a twisted great sense of humour. Look across the site and you will see puns galore, hilarious banter, creative backstories, and beloved quips that make neopets.com the site we cherish deeply all these years later. One of the most fascinating areas TNT displays its classic sense of humour is through the creation of bizarre, wacky, and sometimes unwanted items. No one asked for these, no one necessarily enjoys these... but they exist nonetheless. Let’s take a gander at some of the weirdest items TNT has graciously gifted us over the years!

      Escaped Pixel

      Starting off small with this ridiculously hard to see item, the Escaped Pixel. The flavour text for it claims the pixel meandered away from its home in NeoQuest. Posters plastered alleyway walls in downtown Neopia for months after this precious spec became lost, however, after all these years all hope has been abandoned. If you see a spare pixel whizzing by, contact the authorities immediately!

      Space Fungus Spore

     This… is one of those items that makes you do a double-take when innocently browsing through a shop. It almost looks like a mangled quiggle foot.. *gulps* Rather, it is a perfectly harmless little piece of fungi that lights the way for all other fungal creatures needing a bit of positivity in their boring lives!

      Ham Helm and Protective Lime Helmet

      Have you had a hankering to dress one of your neopets up like an early 2000s internet cat? Look no further! This bonus double features two delicious helmets that, if we are being completely honest, serve no purpose other than high fashion. While they may not withstand a heavy pounding at the battledome or even the passing by grarrl, all other pets will stop, gawk, and demand to know where you found these high quality items.

      Well-Aged Hot Dog

      Hello, who doesn’t want a beard attached to their hot dog? I would honestly love to meet and sit down with the staff member who designed this item. Are they psychologically okay? Do they have any weird obsessions they need to talk through? This takes finding a hair in your food to an entirely new level.

      Disturbing Gelatin

      This item may be the most classic and loved item on the list. Look deeply into those beady red eyes. Do they not scream hours of laboured shading and creative planning? The symmetry in the teeth and precise tongue placement truly make this piece worthy of holding a permanent place in the art gallery. TNT recognized the need for stylistic diversity in the jelly community and held nothing back when creating this apt rendition of our favourite wobbly treat.

      Bacon Tape

      Always on the lookout for creative spin-offs of everyday items and boasting a keen sense of pop culture, TNT released this pointless yet helpful item. Bacon tape combines necessity with fun in this office item! Gifting a present to that special skeith in your life? Bacon tape! Trying to slide your way into the Neopian Times? Pay off the editor by foregoing staples and use bacon tape! Tired of your baby brother lupe jabbering too much? Bacon tape! Wait… that last one might not work.

      My First Dentures

      This set of teeth is highly alarming due to the description, “Are those Barts teeth?” Who is Bart and why do so many Neopians have a pair of his dentures lying around?? If you are the proud owner of an elderly pet, by all means, have a spare pair of dentures for them. However, all other users have no need for this weird set of teeth! Notice the two yellowing molars as well. TNT knows how to play the sad reality card quite well.

      Completely Non-lethal Sandwich

      There are two schools of thought, one is that eating this sandwich will indeed cause lethal circumstances to arise. Secondly, it is simply the most delicious sandwich in all of Neopia in threatening disguise. After much beta-testing on pets, the NFA (Neopia Food Administration) is happy to report that the name is entirely true. For those with a mildly violent pet, this is the perfect meal due to its dual purposes. It fills their tummies and provides a fun toy for hours of enjoyment!

      Feather Tickler

     Rather than taking the classic route and making this item a good ole’ feather like we all assume one uses to tickle… TNT stepped up their game. Who created this preposterous weapon? Did this originate in the lab of none other than Dr. Sloth himself? We can only imagine the horrors this mechanical beast has inflicted upon poor unsuspecting souls. The description is even more jarring, claiming to render opponents tickled until they are black and blue. *Shudders*

      Meepit Carols

      What a delightful book from the Avent Calendar in Y9! Upon further inspection, when opening the window to read to one’s pet, we are blasted with "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la *BITES YOUR FACE*" How many la la la’s must meepits sing? Why are we biting faces in celebratory fashion? All we wanted to do was read about holiday cheer! These carols are not suggested for baby neopets-- run!

      We dont need stinkin apostraphes!

     Didn't think this list could get any more frustrating? Should've never questioned the obnoxious antics of TNT. We've toiled and troubled to get out of the age of chatspeak, claiming to be the better user for our literate lingo. Don't claim neopets.com for an educational website, TNT is out here confusing the next generation with no hesitation.

      Deviled Eggs

      I’ll never look at my eggs the same again. *shifty eyes* How is our pet supposed to eat these? Are the pitchforks part of the food or a freebie utensil? What will these eggs do once in their stomach? Yikes...

      Sobbing Onion

      I was about to start roasting this little onion (no, not in a crockpot you silly!) but then became overcome by the sad description: “The onion doesn't like it when you slice it either!” OKAY TNT, I see you out here making us feel emotional over an ONION. I dare you to look deeply into these half-moon eyes and claim to feel nothing. This little guy will make you think twice before grabbing him as an ingredient for your next salad. Though, those tears may make a nice addition to the vinaigrette…

      Well, you made it to the bottom of this article so I must commend you for your bravery and interest in all items weird and fabulous. This list details just a few of my favourite items but there are hundreds, if not thousands, more that range from the weird, despicable, grotesque, hilarious, and downright puny. You might be feeling a bit confused or worried on behalf of TNT-- do not fret! They have made it 21 years despite all of these strange antics and shenanigans, so here is looking forward to the weird items and puns they make during the next 20! Grab a bottle of Dr. Backwash and enjoy reading the rest of the Times, cheers!

 
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