A Waffle Paradise Circulation: 175,667,400 Issue: 357 | 29th day of Hiding, Y10
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The Top Five Reasons To Be Mutant

by ummkalima


The 25th day of Hiding was Mutant Day and in honor of all the Neopets that have endured their owners' wishes for them to take on these radical changes, we remind them of their special 'perks' for being... erm, special.

You really wonder what was going through the owner's mind that caused them to look at their adorable, playful sweet Neopet and say, "No, I think horribly disfiguring is the way to go with you." The owner had that choice by careful selection from the Rainbow Faerie's reward for a quest (usually quite costly) completed and somehow by-passed the Baby, Maraquan, and Royal 'swabs' and even didn't linger over the Halloween or Ghost 'looks' they could have chosen. I guess they were looking for terrifyingly weird and picked Mutant. Or maybe it was an honest mistake, a badly miscalculated chance, that an owner dragged their happy-go-lucky, average Neopet to the Secret Laboratory in sincere hopes that their pet would be zapped Starry or Faerie, but things just went... wrong. Then the owner maybe decided that the zap that changed their Neopet from cute and cuddly to shockingly gruesome was the Hand of Fate and the Design that was meant to be? For every Neopet changed, there is probably a story to go with it. In the end, does it really matter why they became Mutant? You need to accept them, or at least stop running from these Neopian Wonders and try to appreciate them for what they are - different in the most extreme way possible. They pushed the envelope and went much further, so they deserve our reproachful respect as we stretch our minds to encompass some benefits for being this type of Neopet, Mutant.

The Countdown begins with Reason #5: Never having to go to the NC Mall for a Makeover- you are already extreme! Sure, you can't WEAR anything from the NC Mall, but no one said you couldn't EAT it or play with it. Mutant Pets have their own style that can be quietly admired or shriekingly ignored. Perhaps Mutant pets should take this opportunity to petition the NC Mall to accommodate their special needs. Change can be strange, but it should not be penalized, especially where Neocash is concerned.

Reason #4: Never having to find the perfect Halloween costume- you're already wearing it! Who needs to hang out at that Faboo Uni Shop waiting for that perfect costume to come in? My Mutant friend, no one is scarier than you. Your look is your outfit, so there is no need to hang out in the Haunted Woods for that "right" atmosphere- you're pretty much carrying that around with you. You definitely take the prize in these contests; just don't let them try to 'pull off' your mask to see the 'real' you!

Reason #3: Never needing to go to that Useless Usul's Grooming Palor- what would be the point? If your owner was really concerned about grooming you, he/she wouldn't have had you painted/zapped/dropped in a toxic vat to look the way that only you can carry off. Think of all those neopoints you save your owners from never needing a special brush, hair clip, nail polish, eye shadow (a different shade for each eye?), etc. as it would certainly clash with the rest of your... erm, ensemble.

Reason #2: Never having to worry about the dreaded "Something Has Happened..." Random Event - what worse thing can happen to you? You were once a normal Neopet and then your owner changed it all on a whim (or master plan) and probably didn't give you the "heads up" about it. So if an Evil Pteri or Ghost Lupe comes your way; are you really going to notice? Perhaps you should have your own Random Event, such as "Something Has Happened... The Secret Laboratory's Ray has been dismantled and now all MUTANT pets are changed back!" That WOULD be the scariest thing that could happen to you OR the greatest thing-it's hard to call!

And the #1 Reason: Never having to answer the annoying question that ALL painted Neopets get asked every time they are out and about Neopia, "How did you get painted?"- most Neopians (pets and owners) are running away from you when they see you coming! Believe me, not only do we not want to know WHY your owner changed you, we can't handle the HOW you got changed either. It puts the possibility of it happening to our Neopet too realistically close for our comfort. So you are definitely saved the endless questioning of how you can help a Neopet 'down on his/her luck' from being scammed to obtaining that painted look that obviously shouts "My owner has millions of neopoints!".

So, my Mutant friends, hold up your head (or appendage - whatever works) and look everyone straight in the eye (if they're frozen in fear long enough) and say, "I'm PROUD to be a Mutant!" We respect you, or fear you, for your difference because you make the Neopian World a special place to be. We should appreciate the many different avatars you help us acquire when we are brave enough to look for your pet page but even more so, really 'savor' the variety that only your type of Neopet can bring to this very diversified World.

Perhaps for Altador Cup IV you should have a Mutant land -not Darigan, Haunted Woods, or Kreludor, but your own. Maybe something called "Mutatia" or "The Weirdlands". Get together and decide on a name, colors for the jerseys, banners, etc. and then we would have an even number at Altador Cup without 'losing' a team. Think of the respect (or overwhelming fear) you could generate then, as a team. With a homeland behind you, you will definitely be more than a passing fancy.

Yes, my mutant friends, you are more than a walking nightmare in this crazy, mixed up Neopian World we share. You have a style that only your owners can love, if that's what you call it. Only you can decide what makes you special, but I hope that this helped point out some things that everyone should consider before screaming in panic.

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