Some cookies are necessary to make this site and our content available to you. Other Cookies enable us to analyse and measure audience and traffic to the site. Cookies are also used by us, advertisers, ad-tech providers and others to develop and serve ads that are more relevant to your interests. To consent to the use of Cookies and proceed to the site, click Accept below. If you wish to withdraw consent later you will find a link in the footer Cookie Choices. For more information: Privacy Policy.
Neopedia : Fairfax the Deckhand

Name : Fairfax the Deckhand
Species : Pirate Tuskaninny
Hobbies : Not exactly sure, because he
tends to disappear for long stretches of
time without ever saying where he went
One Day Hopes To : Hit Grundo's Gym and get into shape
Quote : "Do you have any Flat-U-Less Tablets?
I think I've gotten another case of Bloaty Belly..."

"Arrg, where ye be going?" the Kiko First Mate asked.

"Heave to! I'm on me way into town," Fairfax replied gruffly, "I'll be back in plenty of time before we set sail... not that me whereabouts be any of yer business!" With that, he made his way down the gangplank and onto the pier.

Though Fairfax's nervous gait drew some attention from the other passers-by, he solemnly continued on his path. Leaving the docks and entering the market district, he swiftly made his way along side streets until reaching a manky tavern with a sign that read, "Hilbern's Grog Hall."

After being extra careful to make sure he wasn't followed, Fairfax checked the address with the one he'd scrawled on a napkin, then mumbled, "Well, this must be it." as he entered the Grog Hall...

..."Aye, I feel like I'm gonna explode!" Fairfax grumbled as he staggered out of the Grog Hall and back to to the harbour. With his face a sickening shade of pale green, it took everything he had keep from spewing the magnificent feast he'd just choked down. Luckily for him, the Neopian Pharmacy was just up the street. "Ahoy, maybe they've got something that can cure this Bloaty Belly of mine."

Unfortunately, the pharmacy was fresh out of Flat-U-Less Tablets. According to the shopkeeper, they'd just sold the last of them to a Lenny who'd accidentally eaten a Sausage Wrap that had gone bad while it sat around for a few days. Dismayed by his own lousy fortune, Fairfax continued to browse for something to soothe his aching tummy when he noticed how late he was. "Avast, I'd better hurry back, before they leave shore without me!"

Dashing out of the pharmacy, Fairfax scampered all the way back to the docks, barely making it up the gangplank as the ship began to drift away from the pier. "Aye, just in time, swabby... we almost left without ye!" the First Mate bellowed. As he stood there gasping for breath, Fairfax was suddenly overcome by queasiness. As the contents of that afternoon's eight-course meal began to overwhelm him, he covered his mouth and bolted for the privy.

"Arr! What seems to be Fairfax's problem?" one of the other deckhands asked.

"Aye," a wise old stripey whispered, "I be hearin' that he's gotten mixed up in the Food Club."

"Food Club?" the sprog asked incredulously.

"SHH!!!" the stripey exclaimed with an index finger to his lips. "Now remember, you didn't hear it from me...."