20 Things you DON'T Want Under the Christmas Tree
HAPPY VALLEY - It's that special time of year again. You know, the time of year
when everyone around you has that special feeling of giving. The time of year
where you hear carols everywhere you go and the air is full of merry laughter.
The time of year when the Marketplace is so packed with restockers and bargain
hunters, it's a great danger to lurk there. Can you guess what holiday I'm talking
about? ... What? Halloween? How on Neopia did you get that idea? I'm talking
Now that you know - well, I think you know - what I'm talking about, you may
wonder what this is all leading up to. So here it is... What do many neopets
and owners look forwards to the most? Presents! But every year, lots of people
bustle over to the Christmas tree and discover something that's not really to
their liking. I mean, one time I received a bit of barbed wire! Sure, that'll
really add a lot of decoration to the Neohome.
So as I stand here munching candy canes and dodging snowballs from mischievous
grundos, I want to present to you a list of what you DON'T want to see under
the Christmas tree. Yeah, it's another list article. Please don't hurt me.
Anyway, heed my warning; this may dampen your holiday spirit. Muahaha. Um,
I mean merry Christmas and enjoy!
1. Dung. Well, some rather strange people will squeal with joy when they see
it. But if you leave it lying under the tree all night long, it adds an icky
stench to the room.
2. School supplies. I don't want to fill out my thank you cards with something
like "Dear (insert name here), thanks for the notebook paper! It was really
nice of you. Especially since Neoschools don’t even exist! Happy Holidays!"
3. Poisonous Jelly. I think the last thing you would want to do on Christmas
is spend the whole day stuck with your sick pets that have caught Neomonia.
4. A packet of gravel. Whoohoo! Let's go give the road outside a makeover!
5. A squashed tomato. It's all... squashed. Now I can't even throw it at those
annoying Christmas carolers!
6. A little cheery holiday card that says "Thank you for shopping at the Marketplace!
We will need 250,000 neopoints by tomorrow or we will be forced to hunt you
down. Have a wonderful Christmas!"
7. A yellow snowball. Ewwww, who knows how it became yellow...
8. A Kadoatie. Once it sees you it will never stop wailing until you feed
it neggs and any other rare gourmet foods worth at least 100,000 NP.
9. Books. I mean, unless you want to display it in your gallery, I don't see
the point in having a super smart pet. Neoschools aren't coming out any time
soon. And either way, whenever I try to read my pets a book, they throw it back
in my face and scream "That is like such a boring book!" Seriously, they throw
it in my face. I haven't liked the book "Advanced Poetry" ever since it gave
me a black eye.
10. A Mortog. All your pet has to do is get really excited, kiss it, then
kaboom! Instant mess that takes hours to clean up. What a wonderful way to spend
11. An Abominable Snowball. Yet another petpet I don't like and possible other
Neopians don't as well. I've spent several times delighting my neopets with
these cute little guys. But I've spent an equal amount of time lying to them
when they find a small puddle left on the floor after one night and their precious
petpet gone. I can't believe they actually fell for the one about how it ran
away to the non-existent Jelly World and wet its bed before it left.
12. Toenail Soup. I don't even want to imagine who those toenails belong to.
13. Pickled Olives. You know, they wouldn't be so bad if I could open them.
I and my pets combined can't even open it. Even when you drop it off a cliff,
it doesn't break. So now we have over a dozen jars of pickled olives rotting
away in our Safety Deposit Box.
14. The Stuff. No... NO! It can't be! Run for your lives! It's THE STUFF!
If you ever see the Stuff anywhere near you, donate it to the Money Tree right
away. Or even better, give it to someone you don't appreciate as a present.
They'll be so delighted with this wonderful gift, you won't ever hear from them
15. Sponge Grundo Sponge. Wow. The next thing they'll be making is a Sponge
Grundo Sponge Sponge... Sponge. Ack! It's so confusing! Make it sto-o-o-o-op!
16. A pile of sludge. No one really wants sludge. I've got so much sludge
already I could build an extra neohome.
17. Tiki Tack Keyring. I don't see the point in these. Unless you want to
display it in a gallery, you can't use it. It'll just sit there until you donate
or discard it. Well, like the description says, you can turn it into an earring.
But I only have two ears, and twenty seven keyrings.
18. Sloth Faerie Plushie. Okay, green wings and brown hair do not go well
with the whole evil genius look.
19. Stale Bread. I tried to eat this once but it was so hard I lost a tooth.
So now it is currently being used as a doorstop.
20. Squishy Brain Wrap. Yuck! It's brain food. Literally.
And there you have it. A list of all the items you shouldn't buy when you're
doing your holiday shopping. If for some strange reason you want these sort
of things, I suggest checking the Money Tree. You'll find loads of junk there.
And if you're trying to get the pack rat avatar, some of this stuff is perfect
for you! Cheap stuff that's easy to find. What more could you want? Maybe a
million neopoints, a luxurious neohome, a hundred paint brushes, an impressive
trophy cabinet, and an award winning gallery. Not much, really.
I would continue, but I must go waste my neopoints on some scratchcards. Have
fun shopping! And if you've already done your holiday shopping, good luck trying
to wrap all those presents!